Things I miss about my kids while I'm away:

Sassafras
1. How helpful/loyal/kind/generous she is.
2. The rich dark color of her hair and eyes. How pretty Sass is takes my breath away.
3. Her laugh when something is unexpectedly funny.
4. Her ideas about life.
5. Discussing books with her.

Pickles
1. His curious curious questions.
2. His round cheeks.
3. His hug-a-minute ness
4. How even when he smells like 3-day old overcooked bellybutton, I know where his still smelling good spots are.
5. How sweet he is with the Hamster

Bud
1. His freckles. Oh! His freckles!
2. You know how some kids are snuggle-bears or snuggle-bunnies? Bud is a snuggle-porcupine. The kid is all elbows and knees. And I miss that.
3. He understands and uses puns. He's 5!
4. His quest for justice for all, even though it's usually slanted a little his way. (he is 5 after all)
5. How much he loves me. I've never gotten so many I-love-you notes from anyone.

the Hamster
1. His blue eyes. I could lose an hour or so in them, if he'd let me.
2. The baby that's still in his chubby elbows, thighs, nibblelicious neck, shallow dimples, and raspberry-worthy belly.
3. How much he loves fruit. The kid could put away half a watermelon alone... and he has!
4. Watching him morph from a baby to a big boy. It's painful, beautiful, and amazing.
5. His devotion to Sassafras, his mini-mom.

and so many other things...

I've told you before (if you don't remember, or I didn't really tell you before, then just go along with it) that I'm a teacher at church for the 4-yr olds turning 5. It's called CTR 5. CTR = Choose the Right. Anyhoo, each Sunday, we ask the children how their week was. Did they do anything special? Did they go anywhere fun? James, who team-teaches with me, always asks what they had for breakfast...

So the last few Sundays have been particularly entertaining.

me: How was your week E?

E: It was good. (interrupting herself) I'M A ROCKSTAAAAAARRRRRR!!!! So anywaaaaaaaay, my sistooh and me took a shower and we peed on each other. Oh, we also went to Chuck-E-Cheese last week, but I already told you about that.

James inexplicably had a coughing fit at this point.

me: You know, E, that's probably not a good idea. I don't think your mom would like that if she knew.

E: Oh, she doesn't know. Also, when are you gonna get a new boy? Bud is totally annoying. Are you pregnant now?

me: Uh, no. OK, who's next?


Chach: ME, ME, ME, ME, ME, ME!

me: Ok, Chach, what did you do this week?

Chach: We went to Chuck-E-Cheese too!

me: You did? That's awesome! What for?

Chach: Dad said that if M went potty training, then we could go. She did, so we went. I got 20 tokens!

E: You did not.

Chach: I did too! You weren't there.

me: She went, E. Girls, that's enough. Who's next? Y? You want to go next?


Y: no.

me: Not anything?

Y: no.


me: J? How bout you, buddy?

J: I have a baby now.

me: You do? What's his name? (J's new little brother is several months old now, but he's still excited about it.)

J: E-why. And then he said something that sounded like a story about monkeys invading his house.


me: Really! That's great. J'dan? How bout you honey?

J'dan: We had some friends come over. And they made a mess. And my mom said they're not very good-picker-uppers but that every family has different rules and that we like them anyway.

I'm sharing these with you so that as a parent, you can be aware that your kid is soaking up and sharing all kinds of interesting tidbits with their teachers, and probably any other adult who will take half a minute and listen. And then that adult will blog about it.

Just so you know!

P.S. E and her sister do not really pee on each other. I shared E's story with her mom and they had a LONG talk!

I've been chastised for taking so long between posting. I suppose I could post rather than facebook, but since fb is like TV for me (I don't watch TV btw), I don't need my brain. I can zone out and read my news, catch up with people, etc, without having to think up any commentary on stuff. But since you are here, you must be interested at least a little, and some of you a lottle, by the thinks I think.

So here's a few things that have been niggling my brain.

I'm taking a physics survey course. And as much fun as trying to remember trig functions is, sometimes it's a bit boring. *gasp!* I know. But my teacher said something poetic the other day, which added to the marbles rolling around in my noggin.

Picking a flower could move a star.

Due to the effects of gravity, everything has some impact on everything else. This is not a new thought to me. You can't sit on top of a mountain and not have this thought. But it's been awhile since I've either thought this, or sat atop a mountain.

My teacher for one of my business classes also added to the marble pile by reminding us to sit still for about 10 minutes everyday.

I don't think I've done enough of that lately.

And when I don't sit still with myself enough, I find myself questioning things from an outside perspective rather than from within. Which is where I should start my thinks. My ideas and decisions, when born from silence and reverence, have a divine origin. When the silence is drowned by the noises from school, other people, the kids' Wii/movies, loud music, and...well...you get the picture, then I lose that peaceful facet.

I need to go again. There are things I must take care and then I think I will go find a quiet corner to myself for awhile. If you have a comment, feel free to leave it. If you have any particular way that you renew yourself, I'd love to read it.

a slight departure from usual Wednesday fare:

Weird Pictures Wednesday

Electrified plants. It's...well...electrifying.

Just in case that bad joke didn't tingle your fancy, a photo of a lightning bolt hitting a boat. It's shocking!

wait! Don't go. I promise no more terrible puns.

this may be photoshopped, but if it's not, it will complete the triumvirate of cool electricity photos.

y'all be good, come back now, and and watch for deer!

I have bloggers' block. I want to keep y'all update, rahlly I do, but I sit here to type and all I can think about is how stressed I am. I don't even have time to do the de-stressing things I do like painting/walking/hanging out with friends.

I have a beautiful old attic in our new house that I want to turn into a studio. Converting it really just means putting drafting tables and easels and supplies up there and sitting down to paint.

Are you new here? I'm an artist. I like to play around with all mediums, but what I have a burning desire to do is paint in oils. Specifically with paint knives. I like to smear the paint on like it's icing. I usually use a very rich palette full of deep blues, crimsons, and yellow ochres. I tend to go towards a more impressionist style with a dreamy quality. I like to express how something made me feel, rather than recreate a scene. Are we all together now?

Moving on.

Anyway, I can't seem to remember anything funny my kids have said lately. Either I can't seem to keep it in my brain, or I just haven't seen them enough lately. Prolly both. I am planning on taking Sassafras to see the new Harry Potter movie. She made it a goal to reread the series this summer and finished last week, little genius that she is. She read them all last summer, but didn't finish till August.

I haven't been keeping up with politics lately either. I'd love to write a witty reply to Sotomayer's wise Latina remark, but I've only skimmed articles and read headlines.

I feel as though I'm losing my pithiness. Or it's just being replaced with Chemistry and Physics.

I did get to unpack all my herbs and spices. The smell when I opened the boxes in the new kitchen almost made me cry.

There's lots to do at the new house. Unpacking first, but small repairs here and there. It's 109 years old, so there's ongoing upkeep. It's beautiful though.

I have to go. I have class again in a few. Sorry if this post is so disjointed...

The interesting situation I find myself in:

I'm paying rent for the month of July for a house I'm not living in.

I don't officially own the house we are living in until next Friday.

Money hasn't been this tight in a long time.

We met one of our new neighbors, who immediately threatened to call the cops on us if we let our dog bark all night again. Which we don't. A plate of cookies would have been a WAY nicer welcome.

Someones tried to get into my truck the first night it was parked out front. My 285K mile, battered, nicest thing in it is Hamster's car seat, Suburban. So, luckily we have a garage out back that we will definitely be parking in from now on.

We had a swarm of people from church come and help us move. We have NEVER had this many church members help us move. When we get settled, y'all all need to come over for some fried chicken - yee haw!

I got a new pair of running shoes, but haven't been able to try them out for the last 3 days. grr.

I have a great new attic with 100 year old wooden floors to use as a studio. I'm itching to paint just thinking about it.

Good friends moved away, and I miss them.

I'm on a 2 hour break from classes right now, before I have to go back.

which is why...

I've been reading and enjoying everyones' blogs, even if I haven't been commenting or posting my own. Don't worry, I'm still here.

Quick update

We close on the house tomorrow at 1pm

I start a brutal school schedule next Tuesday that will have some days that start at 8am, take a break at 2pm, start back at 345pm and end at 945pm. I have already made a giant cardboard cutout of myself so the kids don't miss me. Then I recorded myself saying things like "Go clean your room!", and "Get off the roof!" They won't miss me at all.

Mom and Shannon came for Pickles' baptism on the Fourth of July. Cool date, no? But we miss them. We also missed our other family members who couldn't make it.

I got some running shoes. I like walking/running, it's just difficult to get out and do it. But I am 15 lb lighter than I was last summer, so it's progress. My small goal is to be a size smaller by the end of summer. Just one size. My pants now are already a lot looser, so I'm on track.

I'm thinking about planning a road trip to ATL at the end of October to pick up all the house type things we left in GA when we moved here: washing machine, corner cabinet, lawn mower, etc.. So if you feel like driving to GA and back with me the last week of October, let me know. I don't listen to country and I don't take many bathroom breaks, so that weeds a few of y'all out already.

That's about it for now.

An email my mother sent me. Thanks, anonymous author!


Excerpts from a Dog's Diary......

8:00 am - Dog food! My favorite thing!
9:30 am - A car ride! My favorite thing!
9:40 am - A walk in the park! My favorite thing!
10:30 am - Got rubbed and petted! My favorite thing!
12:00 pm - Lunch! My favorite thing!
1:00 pm - Played in the yard! My favorite thing!
3:00 pm - Wagged my tail! My favorite thing!
5:00 pm - Milk Bones! My favorite thing!
7:00 pm - Got to play ball! My favorite thing!
8:00 pm - Wow! Watched TV with the people! My favorite thing!
11:00 pm - Sleeping on the bed! My favorite thing!



Excerpts from a Cat's Diary...

Day 983 of my captivity...My captors continue to taunt me with bizarre little dangling objects. They dine lavishly on fresh meat, while the other inmates and I are fed hash or some sort of dry nuggets. Although I make my contempt for the rations perfectly clear, I nevertheless must eat something in order to keep up my strength.The only thing that keeps me going is my dream of escape. In an attempt to disgust them, I once again vomit on the carpet.Today I decapitated a mouse and dropped its headless body at their feet. I had hoped this would strike fear into their hearts, since it clearly demonstrates what I am capable of. However, they merely made condescending comments about what a 'good little hunter' I am. Bastards.There was some sort of assembly of their accomplices tonight. I was placed in solitary confinement for the duration of the event. However, I could hear the noises and smell the food. I overheard that my confinement was due to the power of 'allergies.' I must learn what this means and how to use it to my advantage.Today I was almost successful in an attempt to assassinate one of my tormentors by weaving around his feet as he was walking. I must try this again tomorrow, but at the top of the stairs..I am convinced that the other prisoners here are flunkies and snitches. The dog receives special privileges. He is regularly released - and seems to be more than willing to return. He is obviously retarded.The bird has got to be an informant. I observe him communicating with the guards regularly. I am certain that he reports my every move. My captors have arranged protective custody for him in an elevated cell, so he is safe. For now...

Things I've did in the past week...

I spent a day watching most of the little boys at Cub Scout camp beat on each other while my son borrowed a magnifying glass to watch a caterpillar crawl a tree.

I got a ferocious sunburn at said camp.

I went to bed before 8PM that night.

******

I sent my little girl to GA on a big plane all by herself for a week. Don't worry, she's not spending her week in ATL alone, my mother picked her up from the airport - thanks Mom!

I cried because I miss her.

******

I spent 10 hours over the weekend scraping lead paint off of 15 windows in the house we're buying. I spent another 2 hours repainting them.

I was simultaneously pissed and thankful that we are buying a house that was foreclosed upon.

We found 6 baby bunnies in the backyard at the new house.

I convinced my kids that the babies were better off with their mother than with us. This was rather selfish on my part, since I had no desire to wake up every few hours to try to feed baby rabbits with a ridiculously small dropper bottle.

******

We celebrated 8 years of Pickles being here on Earth as part of our family with a cookout at the park. He had a blast, I had a hamburger.

I turned 31.

Yep, we share a birthday.

******

gotta go finish a 10-page take-home exam, so I'll be back later!

This was written almost a week ago as a Word doc. I've been having internet problems...
But it's here now, and that's what matters.

How I spent my evening…

I studied and memorized the entire periodic table. It was great! I balanced redox equations with ease and handmade a Madame Curie costume all within an hour. Pickles presented a full length opera he had composed, Bud softly played a difficult piece by Mozart, and the Hamster painted a family portrait in oils. James made a 3 course meal that was healthy and balanced, while Sassafras was away at an accelerated learning Boarding Camp for gifted girls. Our house was spotless, the dogs taught themselves to use the restroom AND flush, and we found a check for $500 dollars that had fallen behind a cabinet! It was amazing! We ended the evening with a family singalong and homemade granola that had been baking at a low temperature for several hours so as not to destroy the enzymes present in all the raw nuts and seeds I had added.

Here, have some wading boots, because it’s getting kind of deep in here.

How I ACTUALLY spent my evening…

I hid in my room, the only one with a window AC unit. James interrupted me 10 minutes later, 10 FREAKIN MINUTES! later to ask what to make the boys for dinner. When I explained that it was kind of his job to think of something tonight since he was done with school for the next month and I’m taking a difficult class, he said the boys had been eating all day and probably weren’t hungry right now anyway.

The boys interrupted 10 minutes after that to ask what I was making for dinner because they were starving. I screamed calmly explained that their father would be making them dinner tonight. And to please leave. I SAID LEAVE. please.

Pickles did NOT compose an opera – he sat in front of the Wii for 2 hours straight. Bud did NOT play the piano, he whined about not being able to play the Wii because he screamed at the dentist’s today for 30 minutes about having to have x-rays taken (which eventually weren’t). the Hamster did NOT paint a canvas, he actually pooped in his underwear twice. When they were finally sent to bed, they asked what they had eaten for dinner.

Sass was away all day being a Mother’s Helper to a friend so she could make some fun money to spend when she’s in GA for a week without us. That’s a whole other post…

The house is a mess, I found a strainer full of blueberries (and fruit flies) under the dining room table, and the washing machine hasn’t been working for a week. Why? Because I decided to wash the bathroom rug. The 10 year-old bathroom rug being held together with dirt and disgusting things never to be spoken of love. The rug that didn’t get hung after it was washed, but rather sat in the washer going sour and losing its rubber backing piece by tiny piece. So that when I rewashed the sour laundry load the next day, the backing completely disintegrated. And clogged up the hose. I said screw it, it’s finals week and my chem. class has begun.. And so it sat for 2 more days.

Tonight was the night. The night the washing machine was going down. I was beyond being able to wear the same pair of pants for another day. The washer had to be conquered. I saw things and smelled things that will haunt me for years. Things no mother in a civilized society should ever see/smell. But I won. And I will wear clean pants again!

Did I scare you away pretties?

You should be thankful I only post a few of my conspiracy theories on this here blog.

You can come back and read now. I promise this post is full of delightfully witty things my kids said.

Ready?

Sassafras held up a waffle in front of the Hamster's face and said, "THIS is a spider waffle, see its many many eyes?"
(she had bitten tiny holes all through it)

Sass, again. "I'm going to steamroller you, Pickles!"
Pickles: The only steam I see is coming from your posterior region. P-U!
(Have I mentioned Pickles is still 7? Did I mention our plethora of anatomy books we have laying around the house?)

the Hamster: Mom? An I hab dog-foo ice weam?
me: Dog-food ice cream?
the Hamster: yeah!
me: Sorry Dude, we're all out.

Bud: Mom, I'm having a really hard time scratching my ear with my foot.

me (exasperated): the Hamster, PLEASE use the potty! You are a big boy and you need to use the potty like Bud and Pickles, or I will make you use the bathroom outside, and sleep in the dogs' crates at night, eat dogfood. Is that what you want?
the Hamster: YES!

Does it sound as though our dogs are actually raising our kids instead of James and me? Will you see a story on our poor neglected Mowgli children on the evening news? Only if you turn me in!

Sass: When I grow up, I will let my kids wear whatever they want!
me: Whatever! I'm going to live with you and still pick your clothes out for you when you're 35.
Sass: How will I ever get away from you?

Pickles: Bud hit me again! On PURPOSE!
me: Why?
Pickles: Because I kicked him.

So there you go, no aliens, zombies, or gov't plots today! Tune in next week for another exciting adventure!

Newspeak and the Thought Police coming to a T.V. near you!

Can you say Nineteen Eighty-Four, boys and girls? Now that the president has control of a major network, tell me how the Socialist States of America will play this out. How long before they set a protocol for things you can say and things you can't say? How long before they set a protocol about things you can show and things you can't? I know this sounds like a fairly extreme conspiracy theory, but this kind of thing scares the hell out of me. This is not a news source anymore. ABC has become a propaganda machine.

Randumb

Did you ever wonder about the brain anatomy of a zombie? Maybe you remember how I feel about zombies. Maybe this guy has a thing about zombies like I have a thing about tornadoes. So he wrote a "scientific" paper detailing the brain of a zombie.

Dr. Weirdo (see above) briefly discussed, in his (I'm sure) peer-reviewed thesis, what zombies eat for dinner. I bet they don't sushi though. But if you do, you may be hosting a new friend. This article discusses how the rise in popularity in sushi has also given rise to the world's population of tapeworms.

Excuse me while I go dry heave.

OK, I'm back.

Now that you're sufficiently grossed out, how about a cool optical illusion.


that is all today kids...

I know I said I'd take a break from posting, but I wanted to share,
a few things that made my week more interesting...

Having to say, "Do NOT put the dog's tail into the fan!"

Hearing about how the other inmates saved cookies for a lady who's "paying off" her traffic fines with weekends in jail...from the pulpit during a fasting and testimony meeting.

Reading about this tiny microwave that plugs into a USB port on a computer. You know, in case you need a very small bag of popcorn while you're facebooking and you just can't pull yourself away.

Telling Pickles, more than once, that I had no idea if it would take longer for someone with a tan to die in the desert than it would take a really white person to die.

Having all my kids ride home in their undies after an accidental swimming lesson in a park pond.

Finding sandwich meat stuffed into an empty water bottle in the fridge.

Finding this video on boortz.com. I'm terrified of tornadoes, almost to the point of phobia. It's ridiculous really, I've never even been through one. But each Spring, I read stories, watch videos, and view pictures of the massive storms and generally scare myself stupid about it. Like it's tornado porn. So anyway, this video just feeds the fear. Also, I'm starting a therapy fund for myself.

Hearing one of the counselors in Primary say she must be smoking something because she messed up what she was saying. In front of the kids.

Taking the kids to see UP. It was really an excellent movie. I laughed throughout the movie because it was genuinely funny. There wasn't even any hidden innuendo to try to keep the adults entertained! I don't know about you, but I hate it when directors think they need to add some "hidden" sexual humor in a kids' movie to try to keep the adults happy. Congratulations Pixar! Another good one, so thanks. Also, I definitely recommend the 3-D version.

Watching Bud dance. Probably the best thing all week. He's insanely shy, so seeing him bounce around like a chicken perched on an electric fence was AWESOME!

Oh! The fun we had at the park today!

picture taken by Mama Howerton

4 grits warning

Well, this may be an opening for the restablishment of certain gospel laws. New Hampshire, one of those states that not a whole lot of people know anything about, has polygamy advocates up in arms after they passed a same-sex marriage law. The polygamists argue that if two guys/gals can get married, then why can't more than two people make a marriage. I realize that marriage in the temple is only between a man and a woman. But will gay marriage laws repave the path toward polygamy? It is a very interesting debate to think about.

I try not to think about the end of times too often. It's a heavy heavy topic. One that I'm not entirely comfortable with, actually.

So anyway, if you have any thoughts on this, feel free to comment. I promise not to attack you, unless you attack first. But any thoughtful interesting comments are welcome.

A little bloggy sampler, with a side of southwest ranch sauce

Weird News Wednesday
Do you like pigeons? Yeah, me neither, but these pictures are pretty cool.

Conversations with kids
Bud, (pretending to be a dad) "You are bad! Go to your room!"
Sassafras "You better be careful, or I'm calling Child Amusement!"

(We can work on the psychology of that conversation later...)

Politics
What the crap is going on with the big O saying it's perfectly OK for Iran to have nukes? You don't give mental patients big sharp knives to play with and hope nothing bad will happen.

Daily Life Updates
*We should close on the house by the end of the month. We are also very poor, and will qualify for some forgivable loan type programs to add to the down payment.
*My chemistry class starts Monday. Coincidentally, finals for the other school I'm attending also start Monday. Can we say stress, boys and girls?
*The B&B James whisked me away to was wonderful. If you live around here, and you need a relaxing place to go visit, ask me where it was.
*The kids get out of school Friday. Did I mention I won't be? These next two weeks should be, uh, interesting.

So I probably won't be posting too too much for a little while.

But I still love you.

Lemme give you a twopic.
Twalk amongst ya-selves.


*Why does the busiest airport in the world have chicken bones on the floor in Baggage Claim?

*Why does my 3.5 yr-old have no interest in potty-training unless it involves bribery? Perhaps I'm being played?

*Why would a old gross smoker ask me if any of us darlin's have a cigarette when it was me and 2 of my KIDS standing there?

*Why have my children been obsessed with the fattest-man-in-the-world?

*Why have I wanted to send them a postcard "from" the fattest-man-in-the-world (asking them to bring him more food and if they don't he'll eat them) as a joke?

*Who told my kindergartner that we live in the nostril of the state we live in? (If you know what state we live in, look, we live right at the nose)

*What in the world did the dog eat, because the hork on the carpet is unidentifiable? (just so you know, I cleaned it up BEFORE I blogged)

*Why did I just break my own I-don't-post-about-vomit rule?

*Why have I decided to up my school hours from 18 to virtually 30?

*When did the kids going to high school become closer in age to my daughter than to me?

*Why are there popcorn kernels all over the living room floor, when I don't buy popcorn?

*Why am I blogging about them instead of vacuuming them up?

*Why are you still reading this post?

Buh-bye!

I realize I'm being very stingy with my posting lately. Life has been flying past at a mile a minute and I haven't had much time to sit and whip you up a delicious pot o' Michelle. I don't have much time now either. awwwww, man.

I know.

The 30th is James' and my anniversery and he has "surprised" me with a weekend away. I give you "' with the surprise, because I always find out. The man has never surprised me with anything. Poor guy. He keeps trying though. And that's what counts.

So we're off to a B&B. Mama Howerton has graciously agreed to watch our kids for us. So before she can change her mind, I'm off to pack the kids up and send them to a super fun place where they get good snacks and there's a trampoline and better games and cupcakes to ice (in their words).

Thanks, Howertons, I can't tell you how much I need this. If you keep watching the kids for us, I'm going to end up owing you a month of babysitting!

Interesting...

There is a new airline that will start offering $9 tickets. They will serve mid-sized cities where larger airlines won't fly.

http://finance.yahoo.com/news/New-lowcost-airline-targets-apf-15348934.html?.v=5

So there ya go.

This past week, I...

flew to GA and back with 4 kids alone

got to hang out with some of my favorite relatives

wore a bridesmaid dress

sniffled and cried, but just a little, when my baby sister married a good man

almost lit my extremely hair sprayed hair on fire standing too close to the candles

watched my kids shake their booties on the dance floor - they are GOOD

ate leftover wedding cake 3 days in a row

took the kids to the Renaissance Festival

bought the kids tails and gargoyles (what kid doesn't want a tail and a gargoyle?)

got a two hour massage from my other sister, and it was awesome

....

and now I desperately miss my family and GA and all the friends I didn't have time to visit and, oh!

so I'm going to go be homesick now, and study for the exams I missed that I have to make up tomorrow.

I'll post more good stuff soon, promise...

Hamster and Rowlf
A boy and a dog (and a half)
*the paper airplane was made by the little boy, the chewed egg carton all over the floor was hopefully done by the dog*

Updates

Still waiting on news on the house. Apparently trying to buy a house in quasi-foreclosure takes longer than a...
than a...
longer than something that takes a really long time, that's what.

Sassafras's attitude has greatly improved this past week. Incidentally, the Wii wouldn't turn on all last week. Do I know anything about why the Wii wouldn't turn on? If I do, I'm not telling...

Pickles has told me everyday for the past week that after my sister's wedding next Friday, that he wants his hair cut into a mohawk. This will be his 3rd or 4th mohawk. He usually gets one at the beginning of the summer. After Memorial Day, you can wear white shoes again, people up north open their pools, and Pickles gets a mohawk. It's how we mark the seasons up hee-yah.

Bud has had a melt-down everyday this week. So Sass calms down with no Wii, and Bud needs it to calm down. That sounds like a really boring topic for a really boring research paper, no? The difference in boys and girls reaction to electronic stimuli. Or perhaps that one is better left unwritten...

Hamster has decided to expand his vocabulary. Unfortunately most of the new words are references to anatomy (he's the youngest of 4 and has 2 older brothers) and what that function of that anatomy is, but at least he's talking more.

I'm flying out Tuesday night with all 4 kids...alone...
James flies out Wednesday. He can miss less classes than I can, or that's what he tells me anyway. So say a little prayer Tuesday, that I won't go insane at the airport and be subjected to a strip search. I'll try very hard not to pretend my thumb and index finger are a gun. And I will valiantly resist making bomb jokes. But I can't promise I won't ask my children where their mother is if they misbehave.

That's all ya get tonight. I have to finish several assignments that are due while we're gone, that I have to turn in before we leave. And finals are coming up soon too. And I start a chemistry class before finals are outdone at one of the schools I'm attending.

aaaahhhhhhhhhhhhh...................................

Twinkle Toes McTwinkleson


Saturday was Sassafras's dance recital. It has been 5 months of hating dance class to get to the recital. She loves recitals. This is the kid who asked to be a sheep in a play once so her only line would be BAAAAAHHHHHHH. So I don't really understand the fascination with being on stage only for recitals.

So the recital line-up included the usual players:

1. The little girl in pre-tap/ballet who couldn't keep her pants up. By the end of the routine, she was falling over her little glittered bloomers.

2. The little one who was supposed to be some kind of animal, but couldn't see through her mask, so she held it up. And tripped anyway.

3. The litte boy wearing a leopard print top and tight pants. In Jazz 2. Sass says he also has a bright pink DS. Not that there's anything wrong with that...

And Sass. In her blue webbed top over a brown tank (was supposed to be a black tank, was given a black one, I thought the black one was on her body, saw her wearing a brown one in the recital), and her black yoga pants that I hemmed an hour before the recital, she danced with all the enthusiasism that one Sassafras can muster. Which isn't an incredible amount usually. I'm not getting down on my kid, just statin' the facts, Ma'am.

So I made her up. Dance recitals, Mardi Gras, and dates are like the only time your 9 yr.-old kid can wear make-up right? It wasn't over the top, but it was some blush and lip gloss. She was thrilled! I was worried. I saw a few years into the future, and I must say, I didn't like it.

But I'm proud of her. So I'm doing what every proud mother does and putting up a video that only her Grandmomma would really want to watch. It won't hurt my feelings if you don't want to watch it. I don't usually watch videos of your kid either.



She's all the way on the left, Mom. But I'm sure you already knew which one was your baby, right?

Weird News Wednesday

Apparently, Cheerios are a drug. I always kind of thought they were like baby crack. Just trying going to church without them. Your baby will get the shakes, she will cry, she will act like she sees things that aren't there. She will have all the symptoms of withdrawal. Of course, that's how babies act most of the time, so it will be hard to tell, but you'll know...

Cheerios won't help men who have "man flu". Women really ARE the stronger sex. You didn't need me to tell that, though, did you? Studies (don't get me started on studies and stats) have shown that men are more susceptible to illness. So when they weally don't feeh gooood, they really DON'T feel good.

And because I like Cheerioes, and they make a nice segue, and it's my blog, we'll use them again. If you have a husband, (I'm talking to you Nobody) who will make a bowl of Cheerios and put it in the fridge as unfinished leftovers, then this story may give you pause to let him do that anymore. An office worker cleaning out a fridge full of nast released a cloud that made 28 people sick. This story makes me feel better about my own unplugged fridge full of moldy food. I'm just kidding. It's not unplugged.

You know what the weirdest part is? It's still Tuesday.

Warning: A highly gritty post

This is an article about a movement. A movement where black families decide to only buy products from black-owned businesses. It's slanted as a feel-good human interest story.

It actually really pisses me off.

Lemme 'splain.

What if I decided to only buy from white people? What if I called ahead to see who picked up the phone? What if I walked into a store, and asked to who the owner was, and then decided to only shop there if the owner's name "sounded white"?

What kind of reception do you think I would get? A nice news article discussing how I'm supporting other white people?

So it's a wonderful thing for a black family to only shop at black-owned businesses to show pride in their race, huh?

Bullshit.

It's another way to divide the nation.

If you want to build this country,
If you want to support your neighbors,
If you want to put money into the economy so we can stop this recession,

Then spend money in stores based on:
The principles they espouse,
How they present their business' mission statement,
and how they offer customer service.

That being vented said, I also think everyone should have the right to shop wherever they damn well please.

So now I'm off to buy Scout supplies from a white lady, get my dress hemmed by an Asian lady, and get a new phone from a black guy...

My mom:

loves traveling. I keep trying to convince her to be a travel scout.

loves musicals. She doesn't have to have music playing all the time like I do, but one of the best gifts for her is tickets to anything at the Fox in Atlanta.

loves her bling. If it's precious or semi-precious and set in gold, she's all over it.

loves her family. She will hop on a plane, as long as she has 2 hours notice to get through security, and go anywhere for anyone who needs her. And she has - often.

is very intelligent. Not only does she remember useless various trivia, she can figure out a tip before the bill flutters to the table. She's our go-to person for topics ranging from insurance, to fashion, to international relations, to etiquette.

hates the cold. She moved from PA to GA almost 40 years ago (am I in trouble for that?) and has never looked back. She refuses to visit us here in the Midwest before March, or after October. Unless we needed her, and then she's be here in about 4 hours.

I'll probably get in trouble for this one too, but, my mom has a dirty mind/mouth. She doesn't share it very often, and her filter between her brain and her mouth works much better than mine, but it's there. And it's quick.

is an amazing Grandmomma.

and many other things that will probably be blogged about at one point or another.

I love my mom. She's awesome. We share a sixth sense when it comes to phone calls. We are almost always holding the phone to call each other when the phone rings.

I know this post is kind of all over the place. I've been writing it for over an hour, because I've also been busy with being a mom to my kids.

So, as much as I'd like this post to be awe-inspiring and eloquent, just know that the sentiment is there, Mom, even if the intellect isn't.

Conversations, and I use the word extremely loosely, heard in the truck today within a 20-minute span.

Sassafras: You know, when you put energy and pickles together, it really stinks!
(for the record, she was not talking about her brother Pickles, although that would probably stink too)
me: wow, what does it smell like?
Sass: (said like REALLY I should already know what it smells like) like rotten pickles!

Pickles: This watermelon is really a secret super hero with light sabers.

Bud: Attention! Attention! add about 15 more attentions to get the full effect...
me: WHAT?
Bud: I just wanted some attention.

Pickles: I love to act, but dancing on stage would make me feel very anxious.

Sassafras: If I could pick this family over, I don't think I'd want so many boys in it.

All the while, Hamster is da-na-na-ing the theme to Star Wars at the top of his voice.



as I sat typing this, Hamster wandered in with dog slobber on his head.
gotta go...

So...

I'm nervous about taking more hours of school this summer. I'm already feeling melancholy for all the hours I won't get to play with my kids this summer. I will be sitting in a classroom, while they are playing outside with a nanny. Hopefully it won't screw them up too bad. If it does though, I'll be a doctor, so I'll be able to afford a really good psychologist for them.

I've decided to put up a flier at a local university in the education department to see if I can get an ed. major to be the nanny.

Here's the flier. I haven't put it up yet. I wanted to ask what y'all thought and get some feedback.

Wanted – Nanny

If you can keep 4, um, high-spirited children safe and happy…Ok, it’s not that they’re naughty, really. They just have a very creative perspective on authority. And they don’t literally climb the walls…usually. Oh, and there are two dogs. Well puppies really. Only one is a BIG puppy. And one is very small.

OK. So here’s the deal. My husband and I are both students. That means we never see each other. Somehow we ended up with 4 children. They don’t have school this summer, but we do. We need a nanny to make sure our kids don’t hurt anyone. If you think you can keep the police from being called to our house, and if you can keep the kids from eating only contraband chocolate, and if you can play MarioKart for hours on end, then you’re the one we want.

What: Nanny-ing

When: 7/14-8/21, from 7:30a.m.-1p.m. Mon-Thurs
and 7:30-10:30a.m. Fridays

Where: Our house

Why: for $150/wk

Who: Michelle ***-***-****

Fine Print: Must have references. Would prefer an Education Major with CPR training. Will begin interviews after Memorial Day. Apply at your own risk.

Did I leave anything out? Did I say anything I shouldn't have? Is it weird? Thanks (in advance) for the feedback. Y'all are awesome. Even y'all who don't comment. And just...you know...lurk.

Weird News Wednesday

This one is actually more of a Disturbing News Wednesday article. Unless you like sculptures made of human hair. Which I don't, just so you know.

What's up?

I haven't been around much. I've been rather busy.

I decided to go for the doctorate degree here at school, rather than just the technologist program. All y'all in GA don't need to worry though, because I will transfer to the school in ATL when James is done in about 2 yrs. I can start the program in November, after I finish 12 hrs of chemistry and 6 hrs of physics over the summer, along with 12 hrs of junior/senior level classes. Before you add them all up, I'll just tell you that will 30 credit hrs of classes in 5 months. That's actually less than James takes each trimester (4 mo.) here. I'm only taking 18 hrs right now, so that will add a bit more.

So, if this post is boring, it's just because my sense of humor is being slowly sucked from my brain as things like the entire lymph system is being shoved in. There's simply no room for funny in Anatomy and Physiology 2. Actually there is, but the professors prefer it if you don't make jokes about the cadavers in lab. Making references to forks and beef jerky are frowned upon when you're tracing the circulatory system in a dead body.

I also was out of town this past weekend. I went to Baltimore to a jewelry show with 3 of my moms (it's a southern thang), and 3 of my sisters. What? Michelle, I thought you only had 2 sisters? I do, one of those sisters is a soul sista. Here's something you may not realize about the South. Eventually everyone you know is related to you. By blood, or by 'adoption'. Your sisters-in-law become your sisters (unless you hate them, in that case, they remain your husband's sisters or your brother's wife), your nephews become your boys, or your close friends become your sisters/brothers, etc.

My kids have a Grandpa. He's actually my husband's sister's husband's father. Follow that? They also have Bubba (James' dad) and my dad (GrandDaddy), as well as various other dads who would claim me and James, and our kids as their grandkids.

I wonder if anyone has ever written a book trying to detail southern social customs... It would long I bet. And boring probably. Ok, never mind. How about you just keep reading this blog, and eventually I'll learn y'all a little sumpin sumpin.

See? I can't even keep a post running smoothly! I bet you were hoping to hear more about school, or the kids, or my trip to the East Coast to eat crabcakes, buy jewelry, see the ocean, and stay out till 2 in the morning wandering around, or something. Oh well!

a weekend haiku

Jewelry galore
Ate crabcakes, met a pimp, and
Miss y'all already

How to make grits.

For a friend...

First of all, I'll tell you what grits are.

GRITS are Girls Raised In The South

no, not really.

Grits are ground hominy. So they have a corn-mealy taste.

So Nobody asked what to cook with grits, and how to do it.

I told her it depended on what part of the country she was in. Charleston serves shrimp and grits. I'm from Atlanta, unless you're from GA, then I'm from Snellville. It's near Stone Mtn. We don't eat our grits with shrimp, but I have before. It is g0000-00000d! In Jaw-ja, we eat it as part of a full breakfast. Eggs, bacon, biscuits, hashbrowns, and grits, plus some fruit and juice, with plenty of butter and jam.

So buy some quick grits. The instant ones are OK, but if you want a full-on gritty experience, go for the quick ones.

A word of caution before you get started, NEVER make grits or bacon naked! Just take my word for it.

1. Boil as much water as you need for as many people will be eating, and make just a bit extra. If the 3 yr-old doesn't climb up after everyone else is done and eat the remaining grits with his hands, then there will be a little for the dogs. I use a stainless steel pot, so I fill it halfway with water.

2. Take the ridiculously small container of grits that they sell here in the Midwest, (apparently people don't buy bulk grits here) and add about a third of it. Using a whisk, keep that water going while you pour the grits in. You can always tell a Yankee from a true Southerner by their lumpy grits. Keep whisking it until it's a soupy consistency. Then switch over to a big spoon for stirrin'. You may want to use a smallish piece of tin foil to cover the pot to keep from getting gritty burns on your hands and arms.

3. When it gets close to being done, (you'll know because that's when the biscuits start to smell done too) turn off the burner. Let it sit a little while you clean off the table from last-night's dinner and set it for breakfast. Then add some butter, a little salt, white pepper if you're feeding pepperphobic kids or black pepper for grown-ups, and a few slices of cheese. Don't add these things while they're cooking. It has to be done after the grits are cooked thoroughly. Again, just trust me.

4. Make sure to let some water sit in your grits pot after you cook 'em and eat 'em. Unless you need some grit cement to patch some holes in the driveway. Patch quickly.

5. Should there be any leftovers, as blasphenous as that is, just throw them in yard at the dogs. This will provide after-breakfast entertainment.

I also have a confession to make. For a short while when I was about 11, I ate my grits with butter and sugar...

I know, I had to do the Tomahawk chop for 30 minutes for penance.

So that's howyadoit.

any questions?

Just a heads-up

There are two "confirmed" cases of swine flu in IA.

I actually am kind of concerned about things like this. It does worry me that a virus could disrupt normal life so much. possibly anyway.

What would I do if there were cases round these parts? Would I keep the kids home from school? Would I stay home from school? James' and my schooling is awfully expensive to just take a week or three off.

We have enough food to last several months. Enough fuel to cook it. Not enough water.

Enough sanity? I don't have enough sanity now...

So I will wait until the govt tells me what to do.

Yeah right!

I will make my kids' health a priority. If I feels like it gets to the point where the flu is a dangerous threat, I will do what I need to do to protect them. I'd rather deal with bureaucratic issues after the fact, than spend several weeks camped out next to a hospital bed with my sick kid. Or worse...

So stay safe everybody.

No licking doorknobs, shopping cart handles, or toilet seats.
No kissing pigs.
No eating garbage.
No rubbing used tissues in your eyes.
No wiping your nose with others' toothbrushes.

got it?

good.

short post

link to cool pics

you're welcome

various kid pics for the Grandmomma*


Pickles' Pinewood Derby car that he proudly made himself. I didn't even gouge my palm this time helping him carve it!


Little felt hearts I made for this lady. OK, this one isn't about the kids, but I'm still a kid at heart. Get it, get it, get it? Heart?



Hamster with mess on his face. It's is usual MO. This was pre-Eugene's demise.




Bud's birthday party last year. I know, it's a little late, but I don't think my mom has seen it. Instead of party favors, I made all the kids these tie-dye shirts. Because we had the party at a overpriced crazy fun obnoxious filthy pizza/play place, I thought if all the kids were dressed alike, it would be easier to keep an eye on them all. It worked, and the kids still love their shirts.





The boys at one of the best places in the world. My uncle's camp deep in the PA woods.

I may have posted this picture before, but it's too cute not to put up here again. This is post-Eugene.

making paper mache balloon easter eggs

Hamster, with his loot from the Bunny

*I like to spell it GrandMama, but since she picked it for her name, she gets to spell it how she wants!

Get your tin foil hat...

I lived in GA my entire life and I never heard of this. An American "Stone Henge" in northeastern GA. I will definitely have to go see this sometime. I even have a book called Weird Georgia, and I don't think it's in there. The book is packed, so I can't look it up right now. Mom? Ever heard of this?

Also, update on the Parks and Rec scholarship. They can't give me a break on what I've already signed up for. They can give me a credit for next time. There won't be a next time. I canceled Sass's and Pickles' acting class for the summer and asked for a refund.

Also, an update on the house we made an offer on. The bank accepted the offer and we're just waiting on some signatures. No word on a closing date yet.

Also, I ended several sentences with prepositions.

You'll have fun whether you like it or not!

Just a word to the people in WhereIlive town. Don't take classes through the Parks and Rec dept. It used to be great. They had a wonderful director who worked with you on fees, kept you updated about goings-on, and just is a great person in general.

That changed last summer. They brought in somebody new. I don't think they gave the old director much notice about. I've asked her, and although she's very diplomatic about it, I can hear a touch of bitterness in her voice.

I had Bud signed up for a kindergarten readiness camp just before school started last year. They changed the date. I had some miscommunication with the manager, who was also new, about the change. When I showed up with a very excited Bud, I was told we missed the class by a week. Sad is having to tell your little boy that he can't go to class.

Well, what about a refund? Nope, sorry. So I told them I thought that was really sucky of them to steal refuse to refund the $80 fee for a class little Bud didn't even take.

Let Manager Lady talk to her manager...Ok, we can give you back half.

Next session...

Surely, when I signed Sass, Bud, and Pickles up for dance and acting things would be better. They were not. Bud literally grabbed the doorframe and screamed at a register almost beyond human hearing to keep from being taken to his class. He's 5. They do that sometimes.

Did I get a refund? No. I asked about it past the 2 week deadline for asking. My bad. I guess I'll go sell plasma, or a kidney, to make up the difference.

I gave them one last chance. I signed James and Rowlf up for dog obedience class. James just won't heel or sit when I tell him to, and it's getting on my nerves. Sass and Pickles were signed up for acting. Can I have a scholarship form please? Have I ever been told they have scholarships in the 2.5 yrs we've been taking classes? HA! I had to find it hidden on their website.

I filled out the form.

I get a call back. What classes would I like assistance for? Did you read the form, Manager lady?

We are students. James is legally blind. We do without so the kids can have enrichment activities. we are below the lowest on income levels for a family our size.How about any and all classes you can give me assistance on. Thanks.

Oh, well, since you've already paid, that will have to be applied to the next time you sign up.

Seriously?

There won't be a next time if you can't apply it to this time.

Let me talk to the slick new sphincter muscle director, and we'll call you back.

So anyway, if you're still reading this...

Find classes through other departments. The museums here offer great programs. There are countless private organizations that offer good classes too. There are also many many free things going on all year long at the libraries and parks.

Stay away from the Parks and Rec Dept. Unless you like being treated like an idiot, giving them money you don't have for something they don't give you, or you just generally like being taken advantage of.

Weird News Wednesday

No theme today. Just weird stories. If you can find a theme in these stories, you win!

This one is about a guy who couldn't walk for 21 years. A spider bite sent him to the hospital. His leg spasmed while he was there. He walked out of the hospital. Somehow, the venom triggered his nerves. The last sentence in the story is kind of a downer though. And it doesn't make me want to kiss a spider in gratitude or anything. I will still smash them. I'm no Buddhist.

Would you trade lovin for some bacon? Chimps will trade "favors" for meat. Specifically, the females mate more often with males who share meat with them. I wonder if it has to be quality meat. Or if a slim-jim would work. I don't know about you, but I would be a high-class chimp. I wouldn't be giving it away for anything less than a filet mignon. Was that TMI?

Do you know what a Milky Way candy bar tastes like? Do you know what the Milky Way galaxy tastes like? Apparently it tastes like raspberries.

That's probably enough for this week.

Be good, watch out for deer, and y'all come back!

Out of the mouths of puppets

I teach kids at church. 4-5 yr. olds. Last Sunday, I taught a lesson on the Word of Wisdom. If you don't feel like clicking on the link, it's a scripture passage relating to ways to keep your body healthy. I helped the kids make paper bag puppets. I drew things all over the board. Vegetables, fruit, a bicycle, a cigarette, a bottle of alcohol, a glass of water...you get the idea. I would point to each thing, and the puppets opened their mouths or closed them according to whether the thing was healthy or not.

What's this?
AN APPLE!
Is it good for you?
YES!
and the puppets, and the children, (and I) would open our mouths really wide.

What's this?
A CUP OF COFFEE!
Is it good for you?
ONLY FOR MOMS AND DADS! (this from a little girl named Ella)
uh, ok, well, it's not really good for moms and dads either, but ok...
and everyone closed their mouths.

What's this?
WE DON'T KNOW!
OK, well, it's alcohol. It's no good for you. It's makes you unhealthy. You want to close your pupp-
OH NO!!! MY PUPPET JUST DRANK ALCOHOL!!!!
What? Uh, your puppet can repent later. Moving on...



As I was typing this, I look over and Hamster has a pair of scissors to Rowlf's (our dog) tail.

I love kids.

With apologies to Jeff Foxworthy...

I might be a Redneck because:

1. I've traded a truckful of firewood for 2 goats
2. I've written "Happy No More Probation Day" on a cake in icing (It wasn't for James, Mom)
3. I've taken an off-roading ride to try to get labor started
4. I've hunted snipes
5. I shot a rifle before I was 10
6. I was pregnant at the same time as my mother-in-law (which also might just mean I'm Mormon)
7. I'm related to someone named LuAnn (who also has 3 personalized license plates with her name on it)
8. I have killed fire ant piles with gasoline, many times
9. I have burned Christmas trees in the backyard, many times
10. I have swum naked in a creek, as an adult
11. I have used an M-60 (not the gun, the firework) to clear out a toilet
12. I've set up lawn chairs to watch possible tornadoes
13. I've camped outside without a tent
14. I've driven my truck across rivers
15. I've tubed down rivers several times
16. At times, I crave Waffle House
17. I used to hang out a house belonging to a guy called Hoss
18. I've eaten kudzu in several different dishes
19. I used to wake up to the sound of roosters every morning
20. I've tasted moonshine

You may have heard of a couple of these before, and there are probably many other things I've forgotten, but that's all y'all get today.

For the record, my mother is NOT a redneck. She would probably want me to clarify that.

Have you seen my missing blog post?

I posted one earlier today about snow bales in Idaho.

oh well...

For Sale

One sister for sale!
One sister for sale!
One crying and spying young sister for sale!
I'm really not kidding,
So who'll start the bidding?
Do I hear a dollar?
A nickel?
A penny?
Oh, isn't there, isn't there, isn't there any
One kid who will buy this old sister for sale,
This crying and spying young sister for sale?
-Shel Silverstein, Where the Sidewalk Ends


This poem kind of relates how Sassafras and I have been getting along lately. Who knew her teenage years would start the day she was born? She has always been a hand-ful, and sometimes two. Sometimes even an extra leg-ful, or whatever rope-I-can-grab-ful.

Sass used to wander away in a store, let's just say Walmart, and not look back. Before she was one. James or I would follow her at a safe distance and watch to see what she was doing. She would never turn around.

To say she is independent is an understatement.

She walked at 8 months. She stood up from the middle of the floor and took two steps.

She sang several songs before she was one. I'm not just using Mommy Memory, we have a recording of it.

She broke both of her arms, in two separate incidences, before she was 4 and a half. One required pins and left a 4 inch scar. I asked the Dr. if perhaps she had delicate bones. No, they're fine, says he, just don't let her climb to the top of the tree, or dance across the back of the couch, or jump off of the podium at church. Let her? LET her? Riiiiiiiiiiiggggggghhhhhhht.

She has continued to make our lives interesting. She practices piano daily, without being asked, now that she no longer takes lessons. Did she practice while taking lessons? HA! Only when we duct-taped her to the piano bench.

Sass is our only brown-eyed child. They're not just brown though. They're deep and intense and they actually twinkle when she's happy, and smolder when she's furious.

She coins her own words. Yestertime, Having a tiny-little good time, and Barefooting (verb), among others, have firmly secured themselves in our family vocabulary.

She can sing really well, but usually chooses to create feline-opera noises at the top of her voice instead.

Sassafras has also always been concerned with making sure that everyone is included. It may have something to do with me, but she probably came that way. As a tiny girl, she would bring portions of cake/cookie/candies home to her brothers from a party or play date that only she was invited to.

She read the entire Harry Potter series before she turned 9.

When I read over this post, I'm reminded what a good, sweet, funny, intelligent person she is. Maybe I should just write down or mentally list all the things that make her so great more often. Maybe I won't sell her.

Although, the next time she is pissing me off with her nasty attitude, feel free to make me an offer...

Pleasant Surprises

OK, the best surprise is that Eve is having a GIRL! YAAAAAAAAAAAAAYYYYYYYY!

The next couple of surprises are about the current president.

I don't feel like going into the terrible things about Obama's presidency right now, but I do want to highlight a couple things that I like.

A post had been simmering in my brain recently about the situation with the Somali pirates. I felt like the French had shown more gumption towards defending their people than we had. I thought we looked weak on the international stage if we couldn't (or wouldn't) rescue our countrymen. That changed when snipers took out 3 of the pirates as they raised a gun to the captain's back. Maybe France's response pushed Obama into a position where he couldn't try to talk to the pirates and he HAD to show some force, but either way, it ended in the best way possible. For us anyway. Good form, Mr. President.

In other news, Obama has opened some communications with Cuba. I think this is a good idea. The trade embargoes haven't been lifted, but families can now travel and talk to one another. I don't care if our govt differs on substantial issues with another country's govt, families should be together. I think this is a wonderful thing that has happened. Castro has done horrific things, and Obama should still take a stand against him politically, but allowing travel is a good thing.

The best news though, is that the Obamas got a dog! What? You don't care either?

So anyway, I didn't vote for Obama. I don't like a lot of his policies. I don't like how he's letting Pelosi run wild. I don't like how's he's handled the bailouts, or that there has been bailouts at all, but rather than be as vicious as possible about those things, I'm trying to be positive.

I probably won't be next time, so take it while you can get it............tomorrow may be a post about how Texas wants to be a sovereign body or how the pirates have taken 4 more ships in retaliation.

Hello loyal reader,

I haven't posted in awhile. It wasn't to punish you or anything. (Ok, maybe a little) I've just been swamped. My brain has been filled with anatomical terms and the process by which x-ray machines work, and less with what to post here.

So I need to get a few Easter pics up for all the relatives. Contrary to what my mom thinks, I do actually feed Bud. He's just our skinny baby, that's all. (There I go labeling...)

We had a really lovely Easter Sunday. The kids woke us up at 6:30AM. We sent them back to their rooms to read a book or somethingIdon'tcarewhatyoudorightnowbecauseit'stooearlyforgoodnesssake!

At 8AM, we finally relented, since we needed to get up and go to church anyway. The Easter Bunny brought new Spring jammies, new crocs, and a new book, with a little bit of candy. He also left a note, telling the kids to remember what Easter is really all about, and to obey their parents. What a wise, wise rodent that Easter Bunny is.

I got to take a nap after church. I would pay to be able to take naps. I love sleep. One of my favorite places in the world is my bed. I'm getting a little tired just writing this...

Then we went to a friend's house for Easter dinner. She made a raspberry/lemon cake with homemade butter cream icing covered in almonds. Normally, I'll take chocolate anything and leave the lemon alone, but this was amazing!

Then we came home, applied new bandaids to various boo-boos, put the kids to bed, and James and I watched a movie.

What a nice peaceful day.

Now I have to go study, since I chose to hold my kids weekend, rather than memorize the entire ciruclatory system of the body. But Tuesday comes too quickly...

We made colored eggs the other night. I'm trying to make the holiday last as long as possible. While theses pics aren't nearly the quality of Mama Howerton's, they'll do. Disregard the shirtless little boys, and be glad Sassafras didn't take her shirt off as well.

Hamster enjoying himself.

Pickles, making another pink egg, because 3 weren't enough.

Bud, using his fingers.

Pickles with one of his pink eggs.

Sass and her happy egg.

One Bad Kid

When I was about 6 or 7, I went to daycare. My mom and dad worked full-time. I would go to school in the morning and be picked up by the daycare van in the afternoon. My sister and I (the youngest one came later) would wait for our parents to come pick us up around 5. Unfortunately for everyone involved, most of the people working at the daycare center made minimum wage and had virtually no certification or training. We actually went to a nice little place, but that's just the way daycare centers are.

(They try to call them preschools now, but we ALL know...)

I was, let's just say precocious, as a child. I was sassy, too smart for my own good, and in trouble a lot. I got into fist-fights on a weekly basis.

There was a particular incidence at the daycare that I remember very clearly. Another kid and I were alone in the corner of one of the rooms, obviously not being watched very closely. We started to write down all of the bad words we knew. They weren't spelled very well. I remember spelling f*** without the "c". How I knew that word at 7 is beyond me. My parents cussed, but infrequently and never that word.

So the little boy, whose name was Joe-Lee (remember I grew up in GA, and everyone is related to, or knows, someone with a Lee added to the end) and I ended up with a pretty impressive list. It was all very funny and enlightening until one of the workers caught us. She asked us what we were doing. Uh...I don't have a list of cuss words under my fanny, No Ma'am! If we would show her the list, she promised, she'd never show it to anyone. We just had to stop doing it.

Well, of course if she promised...

She broke that promise. I don't know if my parents remember looking at it, but eventually all the adults in the center, including the owner had seen it.

This taught me a few things:
1. Not to trust adults. This not trusting adults/authority figures last through college until I was an adult.
2. Never leave a paper trail.
3. That I was a bad kid.

Now, I'm not sure if this was a defining incident for #3. There were a lot of things I did in my childhood that judging by the adults' reactions, made me think I was bad. I genuinely thought I was a horrible kid. Thinking that about myself made me even worse. But I was thinking about this in relation to my own kids. How do they view themselves? What labels have they given themselves? Have I given them any labels? I've tried to be conscious of this, but what little things have slipped through? Sass told me recently that I yell too much. This kind of shocked me, since it seems like James yells a lot more than I do. Maybe it's that I'm just with them a lot more often, so I have more of an opportunity. Either way, if my child thinks I yell at them too often, then I do.

So that's my goal this week: Less labeling, less yelling.

I found this coupon for Joann's here.

Use it this weekend to fulfill your crafting desires.

That is all.

'Cause I be bored, Matey, I be writing this whole post in the language of pirates, ARRRRR!

So oy be taken me kids to school t'day fer some brain-swabbing. We be gettin up fair early round these ports. They be a bit, might grouchy in the morn, an I ha' t'say I canna blame em, me hearty.

Me wee Hamster tole me he do not wanna get up ou' the snug-ly sheets. Yarr, I say to th' lad! Hoist your main sail and get a move on!

Do we be havin t' go t' the house o' learnin agin, Ma?, they do be pleadin! Aye, I say. There be power in th' booty of knowledge, ya lily-livered sprogs!

Then off me ownself true. To school I be goin to, for how else to be earnin th' fine dubloons when we be graduating?

After a sittin through many a long hour of land-lubbers a teachin, it be time to pirate me wee tiny mateys agin. I be pullin the Jolly Roger up to the port, an I do see the lil wench Sassafras a'ter Bud a'lookin to keel haul him! Shiver me timbers, I do be sayin!

He be a no good, dirty Scallywag!, she do declare. I be offerin em all the greatest grandest grog for snack an they be a quietin down.

We be havin a fine good peaceful eve here on th furner. I got pieces o eight in me bibs, I aint be makin no one walk th plank or be sendin them to Davy Jones locker, an I be a happy lass!

Thar be a grand good day in th life of a buccaneer lass, me hearty...

YO-HO-HO!

Weird News Wednesday (with a 5 grits warning)

I figured since I took the last couple Wednesdays off, I could fulfill your weird news needs today. You can thank me later. If you need any suggestions, I do need a new digital camera.

I get my news from various sources. I like to check a few different international news sites, as well as national and local. This story is a couple days old, so if you've heard about it already, oh well.

Honda has created a robot that is controlled by your thoughts.

I know!

Before your brain goes wild with the possibilities, let me tell you what the article suggested: A car that drives itself.

Big deal. Who cares about a car that can drive itself, when you can have a whole set of minions? I could think about doing laundry, and then my laundry robot would do it for me. I could think about making dinner, and my chef robot could do it.

I would never have to do any of those boring things, like read to my kids, or bathe them, or play outside with them. I could just lie around, thinking about doing all those things. It would be great!

That wasn't very sincere, was it?

You, I'm sure, dear reader, being the extremely astute person that you are, picked up on the sarcasm right away.

This type of technology is very exciting in it's design phases, but how will this make human life better? Will this mean that govts can create robot armies to wipe out other countries that don't have this technology? Because that's what most leaders think about when they have access to new technology. How to apply it to warfare. Brilliant! Let's make nano-robots that can infest an entire enemy's territory!

Or nano-robots, controlled by some geeks at the Pentagon, spying on all of us, Big Brother style?
*An apology to all my Pentagon-employed geek readers, I certainly don't mean you*

I hope this doesn't overload you with conspiracy theories too early in the morning, but that's just sort of where my brain is lately. Maybe it's the weather. It's kind of difficult to be cheery with ominous Midwestern clouds looming overhead. Will we get snow today? Or rain? Or tornadoes with flooding? I don't know!

Maybe we need some robots controlling the weather too...