Correspondences
Yo Anonymous,
I do NOT want your meds, I do NOT want to come visit your porn site, and I do NOT want you leaving comments on my blog anymore. See people, this is why I do comment moderation. Also, so when my relatives accidentally leave a comment with one of my kids' actual names in it...
NOT anonymously (quite out there in fact), ucmama

Dear the Hamster,
Sorry to follow up Anonymous's letter with one to you, but you were just as irritating tonight. Every night it's the same thing little dude. We don't play at the table. We don't kick our brothers under the table. And when Mom asks you to eat 1 slice of cucumber, JUST DO IT! I realize that being 4 in the middle of summer is difficult, but it's dinner. You should be used to it by now.
P.S. I don't mind if you want to play trains naked in your room by yourself, but should you want to wander downstairs to watch T.V., please at least put on some undies.
Love, Mom

Dear clerk at Walmart,
Please stop commenting on the items in my cart, or else you will force me to go buy duct tape, LOTS of rope, a ski mask, a map of our town, and 1 large steak knife. If you'd like to ask me about my purchases again, I will ask you for your address and mark it on the map. Don't mess with me just because I buy seaweed and santa claus melons.
Madly, the crazy lady who shops at midnight to avoid taking kids

Dear James,
I love that you love my behind. Really I do. But please stop grabbing it at church.
Thanks, your snoogie woogums

Dear readers,
sorry about the snoogie woogums. I promise you James never calls me that.
Regrettably, Michelle

Dear Mom,
I'm sorry if I just made you throw up a little in your mouth over the whole butt grabbing and snoogums incident above.
Sin-cerely, Shelle

Dear Pandora.com,
My used-to-be-friend made a "station" for Buble on my profile. While I realize that I may lose some cyber friends over this, I do NOT like Michael Buble. Therefore, please stop making your site less user-friendly than it needs to be. I just want to shuffle without Moondance playing between a Janis Joplin song and some rockabilly. Nothing personal and I agree that he has an amazing voice blah blah blah. Just ain't my style folks.
Ear-pluggedly, michellephant

Dear readers,
I apologize again for the above short letter. I promise never to sign ear-pluggedly again. It's just bad grammar. And things like bad grammar, such as ending a sentence with a preposition, is just something I can't put up with...

just some pics, 'specially for y'all
cause it's summer, and just cause

Sassafras

Pickles

Bud has been wearing his roller skates since the last day of school

what the kids do for fun

a dinner picnic on the river

Bud's the only one who caught fish: 2 tiny catfish

fishin' boys

that's sidewalk rash on the Hamster's face