For Super L (especially)

a few conspiracy theories to _______________ you,

Give us your foreskin and we'll leave you alone...but not really.
The CDC is considering urging all parents to circumcise their children. Oops! Did I say children? I meant your boys. A govt institution, that admittedly is in some ways a good organization, wants to tell you whether or not to cut off part of your little boy's penis. Is that a little harsh to read? Too bad. Not harsher than having part of your body removed without your consent.

And it will all end with a big pile of pulsating bio-goo.
Scientists already have are this close to creating artificial life. But Michelle, surely they will use their powers for good and only make little yeastie beasts to clean up spilled petroleum. HA! How do you know "they" haven't already made fake people who walk among us? OK, just kidding. I'm not that far off the deep end. But still, it's creepy. I don't particularly like the thought of some lab-dork (sorry to all my lab-dork readers) thinking up ways to create new tiny minions to infect all the people who made fun of him for wearing ladies' thongs in high school. Wake up and smell the sci-fi people!

Kiss your mother with that keyboard?
This one is great. A crazy chick called another crazy chick a skank anonymously on her blog. The crazy skank sued Google to find out the identity of the crazy blogger. The judge ruled in the crazy skank's favor. Now the crazy blogger is suing Google for $15 million for unmasking her. She would have asked for more, but she can't count that high.

Yes, I am feeling rather mean today, since you asked.

Karma is a bitch.
Bernie Madoff, the old guy who lived it up on other peoples' money, went to prison. Forever. Now he's telling everyone he has cancer. Think he really does? Cause, you know, jail probably isn't as much fun as stealing widows' life-savings.

She's not just my sister, she's also my wife!
This is why the jokes we tell are always about Alabama. Or Abalama as GrandDad used t'say. Modern-day Hatfields and McCoys got into it the other night. This is favorite part "The town's police chief was hit in the head with a crowbar but was OK." How much you wanna bet whoever got arrested sat in his jail cell hootin n hollerin when his news story came on?

I don't feel so brave in this world.
So now the Big O, and I don't mean Oprah, wants to create a special interrogation unit led by our prestigious Commander. Oh but don't worry, he won't have anything to do with it. The FBI will be in charge of it. But doesn't the CIA usually cover Intelligence? Yup. I'm thinking they're not too happy about this. You know, why don't they just hire Google to track everyone? They already track everyone's online movements. And just so you know, I'm not thrilled about Google checking out my cookies. (my online cookies, weirdo)

There you go. Now go forth, and conspire.

Newspeak and the Thought Police coming to a T.V. near you!

Can you say Nineteen Eighty-Four, boys and girls? Now that the president has control of a major network, tell me how the Socialist States of America will play this out. How long before they set a protocol for things you can say and things you can't say? How long before they set a protocol about things you can show and things you can't? I know this sounds like a fairly extreme conspiracy theory, but this kind of thing scares the hell out of me. This is not a news source anymore. ABC has become a propaganda machine.

Weird News Wednesday (with a 5 grits warning)

I figured since I took the last couple Wednesdays off, I could fulfill your weird news needs today. You can thank me later. If you need any suggestions, I do need a new digital camera.

I get my news from various sources. I like to check a few different international news sites, as well as national and local. This story is a couple days old, so if you've heard about it already, oh well.

Honda has created a robot that is controlled by your thoughts.

I know!

Before your brain goes wild with the possibilities, let me tell you what the article suggested: A car that drives itself.

Big deal. Who cares about a car that can drive itself, when you can have a whole set of minions? I could think about doing laundry, and then my laundry robot would do it for me. I could think about making dinner, and my chef robot could do it.

I would never have to do any of those boring things, like read to my kids, or bathe them, or play outside with them. I could just lie around, thinking about doing all those things. It would be great!

That wasn't very sincere, was it?

You, I'm sure, dear reader, being the extremely astute person that you are, picked up on the sarcasm right away.

This type of technology is very exciting in it's design phases, but how will this make human life better? Will this mean that govts can create robot armies to wipe out other countries that don't have this technology? Because that's what most leaders think about when they have access to new technology. How to apply it to warfare. Brilliant! Let's make nano-robots that can infest an entire enemy's territory!

Or nano-robots, controlled by some geeks at the Pentagon, spying on all of us, Big Brother style?
*An apology to all my Pentagon-employed geek readers, I certainly don't mean you*

I hope this doesn't overload you with conspiracy theories too early in the morning, but that's just sort of where my brain is lately. Maybe it's the weather. It's kind of difficult to be cheery with ominous Midwestern clouds looming overhead. Will we get snow today? Or rain? Or tornadoes with flooding? I don't know!

Maybe we need some robots controlling the weather too...

(A 4-grits post)

Facebook owns your soul.

OK, maybe not your soul, but it does have license to use anything you post to your page...forever.

I read this. And then I read these.

The first is an article that deciphers Facebook's terms of service, and the second is those terms.

To make it even easier for you, I'll quote a very special part of it.

Submissions

You acknowledge and agree that any questions, comments, suggestions, ideas, feedback or other information that you provide to Facebook ("Submissions"), are non-confidential and non-proprietary. Facebook will be entitled to the unrestricted use of any such Submission for any purpose, commercial or otherwise, without acknowledgment or compensation to you.

Later the terms go on to say that any "User Content" will survive any termination of your account. This means that if you read this and then immediately go and delete your account, Facebook will still have rights to use any pictures, phone numbers, websites, etc. that you posted in its archives. And the right to use those things at any time for any reason.

No need to worry about Big Brother, Facebook is watching you.

This blog is like a box of chocolates. You never know if your chocolate is gonna be politically-flavored, kid-flavored, or just plain nougat. If it's nougat, you can keep it. I hate those.

Remember yesterday? Hopefully you do, and hopefully you read my blog on politics yesterday too, cause I love me some fans. Anyway, I should have remembered to be careful what I wished for, because today the Pentagon has announced that they want to deploy 20,000 troops inside the U.S. This is obviously to help local law enforcement agencies in case of terrorist/nuclear attacks.

What? You don't believe that? You think that maybe the govt wants to be even more involved in the daily lives of Americans? Yeah, so do I. Good thing we agree. And if you don't agree, then leave a comment or write your own blog. Blogs should be like bellybuttons - everyone should have one.

*warning, boring links ahead*
The only thing wrong with this though, is that it's against the law for the military to be involved in local enforcement. According to the Posse Comitatus Act, a 130-year-old fed'l law that restricts the military's role in domestic law enforcement, unless it's expressly authorized by the Constitution or an Act of Congress. So Bush, our lame duck pres., is especially fond of getting rid of this particular Act. After Hurricane Katrina, he had it signed into law that the military could take over in New Orleans following the disaster. That one was repealed entirely later on.

So where I'm going with this is here --> What's to stop this from eventually becoming a country where the military 'aids' local law enforcement in traffic stops?

Can you show me your papers ma'am? Why did you file the serial numbers off your gun ma'am? Can you please explain to us ma'am, why you have an extensive underground cache of food storage, automatic weapons, and chocolate?

OK, I promise the next few posts will be about my kids (for the Grandmama) or weird stuff. Probably both.

I'm giving myself subliminal messages I think. For some reason, I really need to go buy a Snickers bar...

Big Brother is watching you...so stop picking your nose...I said stop!

go check this story out. I tend to lean toward conspiracy theories. I never let my baby out of my presence when I gave birth in the hospital. I don't give out personal info. I try to use cash as often as possible so there is less tracking of spending. And so on. I question others' motives for a lot of things. And this kind of story sort of supports my 1984 like theory about govt having WAY too much info on us. The govt plans on using us against each other to keep us in line. This will disguised as keeping us safe. It will, in actuality, be an even greater invasion into our private lives. What will you do to keep your family's information safe? How much do you post about yourself on your blog? on Facebook? On Myspace? How much do you give out to track your behavior? My uncle has a cell phone with GPS. What's to stop the company that provides the cell service, or the company that provides the GPS service, or the company that made the satellite used to track his location, from having a virtual trail of his activity?

What a minute! What about the criminals? Don't we want to know where they are? Shouldn't the govt know where the bad guys are? Who's going to keep us safe from them? each other? or ourselves? Oh my! Please rescue me Mr. Obama! I know it didn't start with him, but he's the current holder of the Office of the President Elect. WHAT?!? There is no such office? He created it to further his image? Well I never!


So go hide under the covers so the bad guys don't get you. Don't worry, Big Brother will take care of you forever...