How to make grits.

For a friend...

First of all, I'll tell you what grits are.

GRITS are Girls Raised In The South

no, not really.

Grits are ground hominy. So they have a corn-mealy taste.

So Nobody asked what to cook with grits, and how to do it.

I told her it depended on what part of the country she was in. Charleston serves shrimp and grits. I'm from Atlanta, unless you're from GA, then I'm from Snellville. It's near Stone Mtn. We don't eat our grits with shrimp, but I have before. It is g0000-00000d! In Jaw-ja, we eat it as part of a full breakfast. Eggs, bacon, biscuits, hashbrowns, and grits, plus some fruit and juice, with plenty of butter and jam.

So buy some quick grits. The instant ones are OK, but if you want a full-on gritty experience, go for the quick ones.

A word of caution before you get started, NEVER make grits or bacon naked! Just take my word for it.

1. Boil as much water as you need for as many people will be eating, and make just a bit extra. If the 3 yr-old doesn't climb up after everyone else is done and eat the remaining grits with his hands, then there will be a little for the dogs. I use a stainless steel pot, so I fill it halfway with water.

2. Take the ridiculously small container of grits that they sell here in the Midwest, (apparently people don't buy bulk grits here) and add about a third of it. Using a whisk, keep that water going while you pour the grits in. You can always tell a Yankee from a true Southerner by their lumpy grits. Keep whisking it until it's a soupy consistency. Then switch over to a big spoon for stirrin'. You may want to use a smallish piece of tin foil to cover the pot to keep from getting gritty burns on your hands and arms.

3. When it gets close to being done, (you'll know because that's when the biscuits start to smell done too) turn off the burner. Let it sit a little while you clean off the table from last-night's dinner and set it for breakfast. Then add some butter, a little salt, white pepper if you're feeding pepperphobic kids or black pepper for grown-ups, and a few slices of cheese. Don't add these things while they're cooking. It has to be done after the grits are cooked thoroughly. Again, just trust me.

4. Make sure to let some water sit in your grits pot after you cook 'em and eat 'em. Unless you need some grit cement to patch some holes in the driveway. Patch quickly.

5. Should there be any leftovers, as blasphenous as that is, just throw them in yard at the dogs. This will provide after-breakfast entertainment.

I also have a confession to make. For a short while when I was about 11, I ate my grits with butter and sugar...

I know, I had to do the Tomahawk chop for 30 minutes for penance.

So that's howyadoit.

any questions?

Speaking of watermelon...what? We weren't speaking of watermelon? Well, we are now. Did you know that in the South, watermelon and fried chicken constitute an entire meal. Maybe a side item like baked beans, green beans, or corn bread could be added, but that's entirely optional. I was thinking about this as my children ate only watermelon for dinner the other night. Then I started thinking about food storage, and how there's not really any good way to store watermelon. I did at one time put watermelon in a dehydrator just for curiousity's sake, since it's watermelon and I wanted to see how much would be left after dehydration. It actually made some pretty fabulous fruit leather. So you could do it that way, or just save seeds. But what if you're Southern and disaster strikes? I think you would probably agree that there are a few items that are essential to southern food storage. Grits, for example. I don't think people from other regions really need a 50-gallon drum of grits. Or red Koolaid. Which is the perfect accent to a meal of watermelon and chicken. The red #40 highlights of the drink perfectly compliment the nutty notes of the crispy skin on the chicken. It's really a culinary delight, nay, a culinary circus, for the palette. Oh sorry, I think I disembarked from my train of thought there for a minute.

In other news, the hamster (lowercase, actual hamster) is still MIA. I prefer to think that he's moved on to bigger and better things. Or joined a band of muppets on their way to NYC to break into the big time. I'd like to think he's figured out how to open his little plastic ball to stop at truck stops along the way for a bite to eat. Then he pops back in during the night, maybe putting tiny flares along side to warn others. Those are the things I'd like to think, because the alternative is kind of sad.
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