Tuesday, September 28, 2010

just have time for a quickie, but that's ok since I don't know some of y'all that well anyway...

At Bud's soccer game

The ball was kicked and got stuck between one little boy's knees. As Bud was telling me about it after the game, he said that it was good that it stuck where it was, because it was a little too close to that boy's batteries.


Sassafras just got her ears pierced. again. She had let them close after the first time at the age of 8. I guess she just wasn't ready. We got them done at a tattoo place. There's a beautiful gallery here that does piercings and tattoos, as well as selling art and doing shows. I'd link, but if you don't know where I live, you don't need to. The guy explained it really well and also explained to her why getting it done at the mall is nasty and unsanitary. So she has little silver barbells through her ears instead of some cheap bling done by some kid who doesn't know what they're doing and doesn't clean the piercing gun.


I got a new job.


the Hamster is playing preschool soccer this season. He spends most of his time doing his funny walk across the field (think of a very cool chicken taking loooonnnnggg steps) and picking flowers. Since his mother is the one who did the same thing on the softball field, I just laugh. The important thing is to just let him get used to being on the field.


Pickles started playing the viola. This is the kid who has grip problems and still occasionally grips his fork in his fist instead of holding it correctly at the age of 9. Hopefully this will help his fine motor skills. And hopefully I can handle one of the kids learning a string instrument without killing them. I'm really sensitive to the sound of a cat being strangled with it's own tail.
Weird, I know.

Thursday, August 19, 2010

Since I didn't do weird news yesterday, I thought I'd do a quickie today. I also thought I'd write a short little blog post...

Anywho, here's a little story for ya. Some Canadian businessmen used black bears to defend their crop. Now unfortunately, what they're growing is illegal. And feeding the bears dogfood to get them to stay in the area is illegal. So now, about 15 black bears are roont, thousands of dollars were spent in legal fees, and people are going to be locked up.

What was the crop?

Cannabis sativa.

I know I have kind of a controversial view of this plant in some of the circles I run in. Being a member of my church, I should refrain from drugs. I agree with this to an extent, although I think my ideals are quite a bit different from someone who leaves the hospital with a vaccinated circumcised baby and a prescription for anti-depressants.

As I've stated before, I believe that one should be able to grow an herb for personal use in one's garden. I would like to have a marijuana plant nestled in next to my oregano, basil, and chamomile. If I'm stressed, I'd like to be able to make myself a cup of tea to relax instead eating of a fat bowl of ice cream or popping a pill. Now, I realize there are other ways to de-stress, but I feel like it should be my choice whether of not to ingest a particular plant.

The war on drugs is a joke. And although this story is from Canada, the same sort of illogic applies here in this country as well. The govt could have made so much more money sanctioning this farm, taking taxes, and regulating the sale of the plants. No bears would have been harmed, no one would have gone to jail, and those patients who need to use rather than abuse could have had a safer alternative.

All that being said, I feel (as always) that I should post a disclaimer. I don't take this substance into my body. If I did, I'm sure this post would be funnier. Also because it's illegal. So my husband, who is blind, will continue to have problems with his vision, will continue to be in pain, and will continue to remain stressed simply because it is illegal in this state and most of this country to self-medicate with marijuana.

This post could be so much longer, but I'll spare you. I know that most you dear readers, don't advocate the use of this plant for many reasons.

But I bet you'll agree, the story would've been much better if it had been the arresting officers were eating dogfood and smoking pot rather than the bears...

Wednesday, August 18, 2010

Eh, I don't feel like blogging right now. But it's been a few days, plus I usually try to blog on Wednesdays although I don't have any weird news for you today. So go create your own weird news instead.

We're gonnna go slightly stream-of-consciousness here if y'all are up for it.

You ever feel like you have a million projects going but you're never going to be able to finish any of them? Yeah, me too. It's a normal feeling that y'all understand, like the dishes/laundry/fixing the house/car maintenance blah blah blah ain't never gonna be done. Seriously, 3 loads a day of dishes and laundry each gets old real fast. But since being naked and hungry isn't really an option...OK, so the hungry thing isn't really an option...

Since I'm not at school all day every day anymore, I have more time. So I'm creating awesome space for the kids in their rooms. Bud wants a science-space room, Sass wants an underwater room, Pickles wants a "Dojo" room (he means Zen/meditation), and the Hamster wants a castle/dragon room. I know it sounds a little overwhelming, but if you didn't know yet, I'm an artist so it's not that difficult for me. I sound a little full of myself, but that's cause I am. I'm actually quite good. I hope that you all have a talent or skill that you are confident in because it's nice to be able to start something that you know will turn out well.

So here we are again. Now to finish those projects. My brain doesn't work that way. I work better when I have lots of things going on. Working on one thing at a time, from start to finish, is really hard for me. I used to fight it, but now I just roll with it. What gets me is when I'm out of balance with how many I have going compared to how many are close to completion. I suppose I should actually go work on some of them instead of blogging/whining about them, huh?

One more thing before I go~

Sassafras as we drive through Illinois: Mom! They had Lincoln's head on that billboard.
me: That's disgusting!!!
Sass: Moooooommmmm, it was a PICTURE of his head.

I love warping them...

Thursday, August 12, 2010


more vacations?

I don't care if O is your boy, this is getting ridiculous. 2 more trips planned and one is to FL to encourage us 'Mericans to go to the beach. Hey guess what Obama? It ain't about the possibility of oil in the water that's keeping us away. It's the lack of money! Seriously, most of us that would go visit the beaches down there know what's going on with the water. We have friends to ask, or some way or another, of finding out if there really are little balls of oil floating around near the Gulf beaches. Probably the greasiest thing down there will be your politics. My mind won't be eased in the slightest by seeing you and your family cavorting and frolicking at the shore while I try to find some part time jobs while juggling the Hamster not being in preschool because I can't afford $600 for his preschool anymore.

So I say, screw you Mr. President. And watch out for oil-slicked jellyfish...

Tuesday, August 10, 2010

Just ridiculous...

So, anyone else have a problem with Mrs. Prez spending about 400K on a vacay? I find it kind of appalling that the Obamas have continued to take vacation after vacation on the taxpayers' dime while we are STILL at war, while there is a massive oil mess in the Gulf, and while their fellow Americans are struggling financially. What kind of message does this send? I'm not looking for "well, Bush did..." comments either. I had my issues with him too. My concern is the current Commander in Chief and his family's actions.

and just to be fair, idiocy has nothing to do with being liberal or conservative

If you live in CO, GA, CT, or MN, GO VOTE TODAY!

Monday, August 09, 2010

Science. And stuff.

When I was little, I wanted to go to the Bermuda Triangle. I also wanted to go to Disney World, so I guess I wasn't too weird. I was just curious. I've always been interested in conspiracy theories, alien life-forms, and strange science and the Triangle has always been such an attractive mystery to me. Well, scientists think they've figured it out. It's cool, but in a way, it's a little disappointing. I guess I'll have to ponder something else now, like where the Earth's magnetic field comes from, or what ball lightning is exactly.

So I guess it shouldn't surprise me that the Hamster wants to be a scientist. I think it's mostly influenced by Bud, who I'm currently designing a "science/space" room for. Don't worry, I'll put pics up when I'm done with it. The Hamster was falling asleep in my room last night so the rest of them could fall asleep peacefully without the tiny night owl laughing maniacally and jumping on their beds. I'm lying there with him and he's telling me all about wanting to be a scientist when he grows up. Why, I ask. Because scientists are good. They help people. They build robots. I wanted to know what he would do with his robot. It would do his chores he answered. Doesn't that sound like a benevolent and humanitarian reason? So the robot can put away the silverware. He continues to tell me about scientists. They spearmint. They walk around. They listen to their moms...

Good boy.

Wednesday, August 04, 2010

Weird News Wednesday

This is one that we tried desperately to see. James and I got the kids pizza, let them eat it in the car, and drove almost 2 hours to WI to try to see the Northern Lights. After playing in the park in the dark for over an hour, we came back. Unfortunately, we should have gone to Michigan instead. Check out these photos! We did get to see about 6 shooting stars though. By the way, the next cool astronomical thing going on is the Perseid meteor shower on the 12-14.

Sometimes (when I remember), I dress the kids in the same bright color to take them to the park. Like red. Papal red.

Anyone up for some papal souveniers? Celebrate your enthusiasm for your favorite sports team the pope! Don't forget to stop by the Catholics with Attitude site as well.

I wonder if they have any papal onesies. Are you due to have a baby sometime soon? In that case, I know what you were up to during the blizzards last winter! Apparently, hospitals are getting ready for a baby boom. Because, you know, building snowmen is only fun for a little while, and then you gotta find something else to do...

Warning! This is not a snowman. This is a creepy creepy robot, who according to my friend, looks like a quadriplegic baby. I agree, but with zombie overtones. Yeesh! Maybe some papal-phenalia would help.

Monday, August 02, 2010

A list of smells I find unpleasant yet oddly reassuring...

old lady
dirty kid
unwashed seashells brought back from the beach

Change is good, but dollars are better

So, I've decided not to finish the grad program I was enrolled in. 27-32 hours a trimester just wasn't healthy for me or the family. I'm going back to take business and art classes at a lil' community college around here. There were days when I would leave the house before the kiddos got up and not get home till they were in bed. How is that supposed to be a good thing?

So the business thing is to help James with his when he graduates in February. The art thing is because it's what I love to do and why waste your life doing something you don't enjoy?

And now I get to spend more time with the kids, which means more blog fodder, which means more funny for you. It's a win-win-win sitchee-ashon.

Everything's funnier outside, or, the Weekend Camping Trip

*the Hamster felt that toilet paper was unnecessary because we weren't using a "real" bathroom
*Bud found a branch to use as a marshmellow stick. Rather than strip the stick to make one good piercing end for use, he popped about 10 marshmellows on. The giant ones. Have you SEEN those?
*the Hamster still says smarshmellow. There is a threat of death to anyone that tells my last little one the proper pronuncuation.
*The kids are smarter than I am. After James accidentally ripped the tent and about 4 million mosquitos decided to join us, the kids all piled into the suburban to sleep. I toughed it out. So if you call me anytime soon, I won't answer because I'll be busy scratching.
*Fooling around with your husband in a tent filled with that many mosquitos is a BAD BAD idea.
*Don't start singing Bobby McGee at 2 in the morning just because you feel like. It wakes up the dog who is sad already about having to sleep outside rather than on the couch that he's not supposed to sleep on. Said dog will then cry and yelp for the next 20 minutes waking up others in the camping party. Even when you get up and make breakfast for everyone, they will still be mad at you for waking up the dog.

Saturday, July 31, 2010

Yo Anonymous,
I do NOT want your meds, I do NOT want to come visit your porn site, and I do NOT want you leaving comments on my blog anymore. See people, this is why I do comment moderation. Also, so when my relatives accidentally leave a comment with one of my kids' actual names in it...
NOT anonymously (quite out there in fact), ucmama

Dear the Hamster,
Sorry to follow up Anonymous's letter with one to you, but you were just as irritating tonight. Every night it's the same thing little dude. We don't play at the table. We don't kick our brothers under the table. And when Mom asks you to eat 1 slice of cucumber, JUST DO IT! I realize that being 4 in the middle of summer is difficult, but it's dinner. You should be used to it by now.
P.S. I don't mind if you want to play trains naked in your room by yourself, but should you want to wander downstairs to watch T.V., please at least put on some undies.
Love, Mom

Dear clerk at Walmart,
Please stop commenting on the items in my cart, or else you will force me to go buy duct tape, LOTS of rope, a ski mask, a map of our town, and 1 large steak knife. If you'd like to ask me about my purchases again, I will ask you for your address and mark it on the map. Don't mess with me just because I buy seaweed and santa claus melons.
Madly, the crazy lady who shops at midnight to avoid taking kids

Dear James,
I love that you love my behind. Really I do. But please stop grabbing it at church.
Thanks, your snoogie woogums

Dear readers,
sorry about the snoogie woogums. I promise you James never calls me that.
Regrettably, Michelle

Dear Mom,
I'm sorry if I just made you throw up a little in your mouth over the whole butt grabbing and snoogums incident above.
Sin-cerely, Shelle

Dear Pandora.com,
My used-to-be-friend made a "station" for Buble on my profile. While I realize that I may lose some cyber friends over this, I do NOT like Michael Buble. Therefore, please stop making your site less user-friendly than it needs to be. I just want to shuffle without Moondance playing between a Janis Joplin song and some rockabilly. Nothing personal and I agree that he has an amazing voice blah blah blah. Just ain't my style folks.
Ear-pluggedly, michellephant

Dear readers,
I apologize again for the above short letter. I promise never to sign ear-pluggedly again. It's just bad grammar. And things like bad grammar, such as ending a sentence with a preposition, is just something I can't put up with...

Thursday, July 22, 2010

just some pics, 'specially for y'all
cause it's summer, and just cause



Bud has been wearing his roller skates since the last day of school

what the kids do for fun

a dinner picnic on the river

Bud's the only one who caught fish: 2 tiny catfish

fishin' boys

that's sidewalk rash on the Hamster's face