Guess:
Guess what y'all?
I've been writing this blog for a year now.

guess what else.
I reached my lose 15 pounds, get a subscription (prescription?) to a fashion mag. goal. I know, fashion mags don't really seem like my thing, but I'm a deep, deep well.

I'm close to my be comfortable in the next size down in jeans by the end of the summer goal too. I'm going with the technical end of summer here - September 21st.

My junk is not your treasure, it's still junk:
I survived the yard sale. I didn't make enough to feel like it was worth it. I also didn't sell my obnoxious neighbor, but that may have been slightly illegal if I had, so it's probably better that I didn't. I made $80, met some colorful yard-salers, and got a sunburn...on my chin. Which is what happens when you wear your cute hat with a short brim that you bought in Baltimore. I also realized that yard sales are like childbirth. You only have one every few years so you sort of forget how painful they are. Remind me the next time I say I want a yard sale, OK?

Tease:
Bud turned 6 in the last couple of weeks. I won't tell you exactly what day, just in case you're a stalker. I made a volcano cake for him that actually erupted, but my friend took the video because we can't find our cameras, so I have to wait for him to give me a copy of it. So you'll have to wait for the amazing, fabulous, unbelievable volcano cake. Sorry.

Butterfly kisses, dipped in flower petals, and deep-fried in cuteness:
My friend Eve had her beautiful baby. Go see her pretty little girl and wish her congratulations. Unless you're a stalker.

Based on a true story:
A kind and beautiful lady helped her daughter move out of her apartment this weekend. The daughter owed her mother money, so it was in the best interest of this nearly-canonized mother to help the daughter. Said mother was on her hands and knees for hours this weekend scrubbing the floors of the apartment to be vacated. Does the daughter have roommates? Why, yes she does! Were the roommates there helping? No, at the time the saintly mom was cleaning the hovel, the roommates were not there. So Mother-Rella was cleaning and scouring, scouring and cleaning. She did not have singing woodland creatures to help her either. The gorgeous and immensely talented mother finished the WC and moved on the pantry. Even angels fall sometimes, and the mother was not feeling her usual incredibly generous self at this point. One may even say she was pissed. The pantry was still full of food, so the mom was moving the food out of the pantry to clean the shelves. Nestled behind 3 boxes of cereal, in the back of the closet, was a large jar labeled catmint. Now, the daughter has been known to self-medicate occasionally with something that looks a lot like what this "catmint" looked like. The size-2 mother with supermodel looks decided to ease her pissy torment by throwing away the catmint. She supposed that misery loves company and she was going to spread it around a little by making someone sorry they had left such a suspicious looking jar of leaves in the pantry for her to find. Embarrassed though she was to tarnish her golden sheen, she took more than a little glee from throwing the entire jar away. That will teach those wretched 20-somethings what's what! Keeping illegal substances is illegal, and the mother who shown with an inner light was ridding the apartment of evil. And making her self feel better in the process. Win-win, right? Except that when the daughter came upstairs and the mother proudly exclaimed what she had done (including finger quotes for the "cat mint"), the daughter burst out laughing. Cat mint, dear readers, is another name for catnip, a harmless herb used to help one get to sleep. The crestfallen, but still beautiful, mother laughed too and realized how silly she was. And then she called her equally beautiful oldest daughter to tell the tale you have just read.

Things I miss about my kids while I'm away:

Sassafras
1. How helpful/loyal/kind/generous she is.
2. The rich dark color of her hair and eyes. How pretty Sass is takes my breath away.
3. Her laugh when something is unexpectedly funny.
4. Her ideas about life.
5. Discussing books with her.

Pickles
1. His curious curious questions.
2. His round cheeks.
3. His hug-a-minute ness
4. How even when he smells like 3-day old overcooked bellybutton, I know where his still smelling good spots are.
5. How sweet he is with the Hamster

Bud
1. His freckles. Oh! His freckles!
2. You know how some kids are snuggle-bears or snuggle-bunnies? Bud is a snuggle-porcupine. The kid is all elbows and knees. And I miss that.
3. He understands and uses puns. He's 5!
4. His quest for justice for all, even though it's usually slanted a little his way. (he is 5 after all)
5. How much he loves me. I've never gotten so many I-love-you notes from anyone.

the Hamster
1. His blue eyes. I could lose an hour or so in them, if he'd let me.
2. The baby that's still in his chubby elbows, thighs, nibblelicious neck, shallow dimples, and raspberry-worthy belly.
3. How much he loves fruit. The kid could put away half a watermelon alone... and he has!
4. Watching him morph from a baby to a big boy. It's painful, beautiful, and amazing.
5. His devotion to Sassafras, his mini-mom.

and so many other things...

I was sorely disappointed by the political atmosphere here in Iowa. It was overwhelmingly Democrat in nature, which in itself doesn't bother me. I've actually had some good conversations with Dems before, in fact a lot of my friends are Dem. and they were able to explain their convictions. Let me reiterate before we go on that I self-identify as a Libertarian/Constitutionalist.

As I was saying, my Dem friends are almost all highly intelligent thoughtful people who genuinely want to help others. And can support their decisions. What gets me, and there are far more Dems who think like this, is that so many vote Dem because they want handouts. There is someone who we have known since we started school here who voted Obama. For some reason she told my kids, and they said don't you realize that he wants to raise taxes? She said, yeah, but only for people who make more than 250K.

Hey You!!! You are in a doctorate program! How much money do you think you are going to make in your practice? And the people who think they are not going to have to pay for their own gas or mortages anymore. Sadly they are right. They probably will get they shit paid fo. I can write dialect like that, I got south of Atlanta cred.

So I decided I would vote for Brak. Not Barack. Brak.

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I think if cartoon characters ran the world, things would probably make a lot more sense.

Sorry, this is all I got tonight. My first day of school kind of wiped me out. Congratulations to Mrs. Raz on her new baby. We love y'all!