How to make grits.

For a friend...

First of all, I'll tell you what grits are.

GRITS are Girls Raised In The South

no, not really.

Grits are ground hominy. So they have a corn-mealy taste.

So Nobody asked what to cook with grits, and how to do it.

I told her it depended on what part of the country she was in. Charleston serves shrimp and grits. I'm from Atlanta, unless you're from GA, then I'm from Snellville. It's near Stone Mtn. We don't eat our grits with shrimp, but I have before. It is g0000-00000d! In Jaw-ja, we eat it as part of a full breakfast. Eggs, bacon, biscuits, hashbrowns, and grits, plus some fruit and juice, with plenty of butter and jam.

So buy some quick grits. The instant ones are OK, but if you want a full-on gritty experience, go for the quick ones.

A word of caution before you get started, NEVER make grits or bacon naked! Just take my word for it.

1. Boil as much water as you need for as many people will be eating, and make just a bit extra. If the 3 yr-old doesn't climb up after everyone else is done and eat the remaining grits with his hands, then there will be a little for the dogs. I use a stainless steel pot, so I fill it halfway with water.

2. Take the ridiculously small container of grits that they sell here in the Midwest, (apparently people don't buy bulk grits here) and add about a third of it. Using a whisk, keep that water going while you pour the grits in. You can always tell a Yankee from a true Southerner by their lumpy grits. Keep whisking it until it's a soupy consistency. Then switch over to a big spoon for stirrin'. You may want to use a smallish piece of tin foil to cover the pot to keep from getting gritty burns on your hands and arms.

3. When it gets close to being done, (you'll know because that's when the biscuits start to smell done too) turn off the burner. Let it sit a little while you clean off the table from last-night's dinner and set it for breakfast. Then add some butter, a little salt, white pepper if you're feeding pepperphobic kids or black pepper for grown-ups, and a few slices of cheese. Don't add these things while they're cooking. It has to be done after the grits are cooked thoroughly. Again, just trust me.

4. Make sure to let some water sit in your grits pot after you cook 'em and eat 'em. Unless you need some grit cement to patch some holes in the driveway. Patch quickly.

5. Should there be any leftovers, as blasphenous as that is, just throw them in yard at the dogs. This will provide after-breakfast entertainment.

I also have a confession to make. For a short while when I was about 11, I ate my grits with butter and sugar...

I know, I had to do the Tomahawk chop for 30 minutes for penance.

So that's howyadoit.

any questions?

Just a heads-up

There are two "confirmed" cases of swine flu in IA.

I actually am kind of concerned about things like this. It does worry me that a virus could disrupt normal life so much. possibly anyway.

What would I do if there were cases round these parts? Would I keep the kids home from school? Would I stay home from school? James' and my schooling is awfully expensive to just take a week or three off.

We have enough food to last several months. Enough fuel to cook it. Not enough water.

Enough sanity? I don't have enough sanity now...

So I will wait until the govt tells me what to do.

Yeah right!

I will make my kids' health a priority. If I feels like it gets to the point where the flu is a dangerous threat, I will do what I need to do to protect them. I'd rather deal with bureaucratic issues after the fact, than spend several weeks camped out next to a hospital bed with my sick kid. Or worse...

So stay safe everybody.

No licking doorknobs, shopping cart handles, or toilet seats.
No kissing pigs.
No eating garbage.
No rubbing used tissues in your eyes.
No wiping your nose with others' toothbrushes.

got it?

good.

short post

link to cool pics

you're welcome

various kid pics for the Grandmomma*


Pickles' Pinewood Derby car that he proudly made himself. I didn't even gouge my palm this time helping him carve it!


Little felt hearts I made for this lady. OK, this one isn't about the kids, but I'm still a kid at heart. Get it, get it, get it? Heart?



Hamster with mess on his face. It's is usual MO. This was pre-Eugene's demise.




Bud's birthday party last year. I know, it's a little late, but I don't think my mom has seen it. Instead of party favors, I made all the kids these tie-dye shirts. Because we had the party at a overpriced crazy fun obnoxious filthy pizza/play place, I thought if all the kids were dressed alike, it would be easier to keep an eye on them all. It worked, and the kids still love their shirts.





The boys at one of the best places in the world. My uncle's camp deep in the PA woods.

I may have posted this picture before, but it's too cute not to put up here again. This is post-Eugene.

making paper mache balloon easter eggs

Hamster, with his loot from the Bunny

*I like to spell it GrandMama, but since she picked it for her name, she gets to spell it how she wants!

Get your tin foil hat...

I lived in GA my entire life and I never heard of this. An American "Stone Henge" in northeastern GA. I will definitely have to go see this sometime. I even have a book called Weird Georgia, and I don't think it's in there. The book is packed, so I can't look it up right now. Mom? Ever heard of this?

Also, update on the Parks and Rec scholarship. They can't give me a break on what I've already signed up for. They can give me a credit for next time. There won't be a next time. I canceled Sass's and Pickles' acting class for the summer and asked for a refund.

Also, an update on the house we made an offer on. The bank accepted the offer and we're just waiting on some signatures. No word on a closing date yet.

Also, I ended several sentences with prepositions.

You'll have fun whether you like it or not!

Just a word to the people in WhereIlive town. Don't take classes through the Parks and Rec dept. It used to be great. They had a wonderful director who worked with you on fees, kept you updated about goings-on, and just is a great person in general.

That changed last summer. They brought in somebody new. I don't think they gave the old director much notice about. I've asked her, and although she's very diplomatic about it, I can hear a touch of bitterness in her voice.

I had Bud signed up for a kindergarten readiness camp just before school started last year. They changed the date. I had some miscommunication with the manager, who was also new, about the change. When I showed up with a very excited Bud, I was told we missed the class by a week. Sad is having to tell your little boy that he can't go to class.

Well, what about a refund? Nope, sorry. So I told them I thought that was really sucky of them to steal refuse to refund the $80 fee for a class little Bud didn't even take.

Let Manager Lady talk to her manager...Ok, we can give you back half.

Next session...

Surely, when I signed Sass, Bud, and Pickles up for dance and acting things would be better. They were not. Bud literally grabbed the doorframe and screamed at a register almost beyond human hearing to keep from being taken to his class. He's 5. They do that sometimes.

Did I get a refund? No. I asked about it past the 2 week deadline for asking. My bad. I guess I'll go sell plasma, or a kidney, to make up the difference.

I gave them one last chance. I signed James and Rowlf up for dog obedience class. James just won't heel or sit when I tell him to, and it's getting on my nerves. Sass and Pickles were signed up for acting. Can I have a scholarship form please? Have I ever been told they have scholarships in the 2.5 yrs we've been taking classes? HA! I had to find it hidden on their website.

I filled out the form.

I get a call back. What classes would I like assistance for? Did you read the form, Manager lady?

We are students. James is legally blind. We do without so the kids can have enrichment activities. we are below the lowest on income levels for a family our size.How about any and all classes you can give me assistance on. Thanks.

Oh, well, since you've already paid, that will have to be applied to the next time you sign up.

Seriously?

There won't be a next time if you can't apply it to this time.

Let me talk to the slick new sphincter muscle director, and we'll call you back.

So anyway, if you're still reading this...

Find classes through other departments. The museums here offer great programs. There are countless private organizations that offer good classes too. There are also many many free things going on all year long at the libraries and parks.

Stay away from the Parks and Rec Dept. Unless you like being treated like an idiot, giving them money you don't have for something they don't give you, or you just generally like being taken advantage of.

Weird News Wednesday

No theme today. Just weird stories. If you can find a theme in these stories, you win!

This one is about a guy who couldn't walk for 21 years. A spider bite sent him to the hospital. His leg spasmed while he was there. He walked out of the hospital. Somehow, the venom triggered his nerves. The last sentence in the story is kind of a downer though. And it doesn't make me want to kiss a spider in gratitude or anything. I will still smash them. I'm no Buddhist.

Would you trade lovin for some bacon? Chimps will trade "favors" for meat. Specifically, the females mate more often with males who share meat with them. I wonder if it has to be quality meat. Or if a slim-jim would work. I don't know about you, but I would be a high-class chimp. I wouldn't be giving it away for anything less than a filet mignon. Was that TMI?

Do you know what a Milky Way candy bar tastes like? Do you know what the Milky Way galaxy tastes like? Apparently it tastes like raspberries.

That's probably enough for this week.

Be good, watch out for deer, and y'all come back!

Out of the mouths of puppets

I teach kids at church. 4-5 yr. olds. Last Sunday, I taught a lesson on the Word of Wisdom. If you don't feel like clicking on the link, it's a scripture passage relating to ways to keep your body healthy. I helped the kids make paper bag puppets. I drew things all over the board. Vegetables, fruit, a bicycle, a cigarette, a bottle of alcohol, a glass of water...you get the idea. I would point to each thing, and the puppets opened their mouths or closed them according to whether the thing was healthy or not.

What's this?
AN APPLE!
Is it good for you?
YES!
and the puppets, and the children, (and I) would open our mouths really wide.

What's this?
A CUP OF COFFEE!
Is it good for you?
ONLY FOR MOMS AND DADS! (this from a little girl named Ella)
uh, ok, well, it's not really good for moms and dads either, but ok...
and everyone closed their mouths.

What's this?
WE DON'T KNOW!
OK, well, it's alcohol. It's no good for you. It's makes you unhealthy. You want to close your pupp-
OH NO!!! MY PUPPET JUST DRANK ALCOHOL!!!!
What? Uh, your puppet can repent later. Moving on...



As I was typing this, I look over and Hamster has a pair of scissors to Rowlf's (our dog) tail.

I love kids.

With apologies to Jeff Foxworthy...

I might be a Redneck because:

1. I've traded a truckful of firewood for 2 goats
2. I've written "Happy No More Probation Day" on a cake in icing (It wasn't for James, Mom)
3. I've taken an off-roading ride to try to get labor started
4. I've hunted snipes
5. I shot a rifle before I was 10
6. I was pregnant at the same time as my mother-in-law (which also might just mean I'm Mormon)
7. I'm related to someone named LuAnn (who also has 3 personalized license plates with her name on it)
8. I have killed fire ant piles with gasoline, many times
9. I have burned Christmas trees in the backyard, many times
10. I have swum naked in a creek, as an adult
11. I have used an M-60 (not the gun, the firework) to clear out a toilet
12. I've set up lawn chairs to watch possible tornadoes
13. I've camped outside without a tent
14. I've driven my truck across rivers
15. I've tubed down rivers several times
16. At times, I crave Waffle House
17. I used to hang out a house belonging to a guy called Hoss
18. I've eaten kudzu in several different dishes
19. I used to wake up to the sound of roosters every morning
20. I've tasted moonshine

You may have heard of a couple of these before, and there are probably many other things I've forgotten, but that's all y'all get today.

For the record, my mother is NOT a redneck. She would probably want me to clarify that.

Have you seen my missing blog post?

I posted one earlier today about snow bales in Idaho.

oh well...

For Sale

One sister for sale!
One sister for sale!
One crying and spying young sister for sale!
I'm really not kidding,
So who'll start the bidding?
Do I hear a dollar?
A nickel?
A penny?
Oh, isn't there, isn't there, isn't there any
One kid who will buy this old sister for sale,
This crying and spying young sister for sale?
-Shel Silverstein, Where the Sidewalk Ends


This poem kind of relates how Sassafras and I have been getting along lately. Who knew her teenage years would start the day she was born? She has always been a hand-ful, and sometimes two. Sometimes even an extra leg-ful, or whatever rope-I-can-grab-ful.

Sass used to wander away in a store, let's just say Walmart, and not look back. Before she was one. James or I would follow her at a safe distance and watch to see what she was doing. She would never turn around.

To say she is independent is an understatement.

She walked at 8 months. She stood up from the middle of the floor and took two steps.

She sang several songs before she was one. I'm not just using Mommy Memory, we have a recording of it.

She broke both of her arms, in two separate incidences, before she was 4 and a half. One required pins and left a 4 inch scar. I asked the Dr. if perhaps she had delicate bones. No, they're fine, says he, just don't let her climb to the top of the tree, or dance across the back of the couch, or jump off of the podium at church. Let her? LET her? Riiiiiiiiiiiggggggghhhhhhht.

She has continued to make our lives interesting. She practices piano daily, without being asked, now that she no longer takes lessons. Did she practice while taking lessons? HA! Only when we duct-taped her to the piano bench.

Sass is our only brown-eyed child. They're not just brown though. They're deep and intense and they actually twinkle when she's happy, and smolder when she's furious.

She coins her own words. Yestertime, Having a tiny-little good time, and Barefooting (verb), among others, have firmly secured themselves in our family vocabulary.

She can sing really well, but usually chooses to create feline-opera noises at the top of her voice instead.

Sassafras has also always been concerned with making sure that everyone is included. It may have something to do with me, but she probably came that way. As a tiny girl, she would bring portions of cake/cookie/candies home to her brothers from a party or play date that only she was invited to.

She read the entire Harry Potter series before she turned 9.

When I read over this post, I'm reminded what a good, sweet, funny, intelligent person she is. Maybe I should just write down or mentally list all the things that make her so great more often. Maybe I won't sell her.

Although, the next time she is pissing me off with her nasty attitude, feel free to make me an offer...

Pleasant Surprises

OK, the best surprise is that Eve is having a GIRL! YAAAAAAAAAAAAAYYYYYYYY!

The next couple of surprises are about the current president.

I don't feel like going into the terrible things about Obama's presidency right now, but I do want to highlight a couple things that I like.

A post had been simmering in my brain recently about the situation with the Somali pirates. I felt like the French had shown more gumption towards defending their people than we had. I thought we looked weak on the international stage if we couldn't (or wouldn't) rescue our countrymen. That changed when snipers took out 3 of the pirates as they raised a gun to the captain's back. Maybe France's response pushed Obama into a position where he couldn't try to talk to the pirates and he HAD to show some force, but either way, it ended in the best way possible. For us anyway. Good form, Mr. President.

In other news, Obama has opened some communications with Cuba. I think this is a good idea. The trade embargoes haven't been lifted, but families can now travel and talk to one another. I don't care if our govt differs on substantial issues with another country's govt, families should be together. I think this is a wonderful thing that has happened. Castro has done horrific things, and Obama should still take a stand against him politically, but allowing travel is a good thing.

The best news though, is that the Obamas got a dog! What? You don't care either?

So anyway, I didn't vote for Obama. I don't like a lot of his policies. I don't like how he's letting Pelosi run wild. I don't like how's he's handled the bailouts, or that there has been bailouts at all, but rather than be as vicious as possible about those things, I'm trying to be positive.

I probably won't be next time, so take it while you can get it............tomorrow may be a post about how Texas wants to be a sovereign body or how the pirates have taken 4 more ships in retaliation.

Hello loyal reader,

I haven't posted in awhile. It wasn't to punish you or anything. (Ok, maybe a little) I've just been swamped. My brain has been filled with anatomical terms and the process by which x-ray machines work, and less with what to post here.

So I need to get a few Easter pics up for all the relatives. Contrary to what my mom thinks, I do actually feed Bud. He's just our skinny baby, that's all. (There I go labeling...)

We had a really lovely Easter Sunday. The kids woke us up at 6:30AM. We sent them back to their rooms to read a book or somethingIdon'tcarewhatyoudorightnowbecauseit'stooearlyforgoodnesssake!

At 8AM, we finally relented, since we needed to get up and go to church anyway. The Easter Bunny brought new Spring jammies, new crocs, and a new book, with a little bit of candy. He also left a note, telling the kids to remember what Easter is really all about, and to obey their parents. What a wise, wise rodent that Easter Bunny is.

I got to take a nap after church. I would pay to be able to take naps. I love sleep. One of my favorite places in the world is my bed. I'm getting a little tired just writing this...

Then we went to a friend's house for Easter dinner. She made a raspberry/lemon cake with homemade butter cream icing covered in almonds. Normally, I'll take chocolate anything and leave the lemon alone, but this was amazing!

Then we came home, applied new bandaids to various boo-boos, put the kids to bed, and James and I watched a movie.

What a nice peaceful day.

Now I have to go study, since I chose to hold my kids weekend, rather than memorize the entire ciruclatory system of the body. But Tuesday comes too quickly...

We made colored eggs the other night. I'm trying to make the holiday last as long as possible. While theses pics aren't nearly the quality of Mama Howerton's, they'll do. Disregard the shirtless little boys, and be glad Sassafras didn't take her shirt off as well.

Hamster enjoying himself.

Pickles, making another pink egg, because 3 weren't enough.

Bud, using his fingers.

Pickles with one of his pink eggs.

Sass and her happy egg.

One Bad Kid

When I was about 6 or 7, I went to daycare. My mom and dad worked full-time. I would go to school in the morning and be picked up by the daycare van in the afternoon. My sister and I (the youngest one came later) would wait for our parents to come pick us up around 5. Unfortunately for everyone involved, most of the people working at the daycare center made minimum wage and had virtually no certification or training. We actually went to a nice little place, but that's just the way daycare centers are.

(They try to call them preschools now, but we ALL know...)

I was, let's just say precocious, as a child. I was sassy, too smart for my own good, and in trouble a lot. I got into fist-fights on a weekly basis.

There was a particular incidence at the daycare that I remember very clearly. Another kid and I were alone in the corner of one of the rooms, obviously not being watched very closely. We started to write down all of the bad words we knew. They weren't spelled very well. I remember spelling f*** without the "c". How I knew that word at 7 is beyond me. My parents cussed, but infrequently and never that word.

So the little boy, whose name was Joe-Lee (remember I grew up in GA, and everyone is related to, or knows, someone with a Lee added to the end) and I ended up with a pretty impressive list. It was all very funny and enlightening until one of the workers caught us. She asked us what we were doing. Uh...I don't have a list of cuss words under my fanny, No Ma'am! If we would show her the list, she promised, she'd never show it to anyone. We just had to stop doing it.

Well, of course if she promised...

She broke that promise. I don't know if my parents remember looking at it, but eventually all the adults in the center, including the owner had seen it.

This taught me a few things:
1. Not to trust adults. This not trusting adults/authority figures last through college until I was an adult.
2. Never leave a paper trail.
3. That I was a bad kid.

Now, I'm not sure if this was a defining incident for #3. There were a lot of things I did in my childhood that judging by the adults' reactions, made me think I was bad. I genuinely thought I was a horrible kid. Thinking that about myself made me even worse. But I was thinking about this in relation to my own kids. How do they view themselves? What labels have they given themselves? Have I given them any labels? I've tried to be conscious of this, but what little things have slipped through? Sass told me recently that I yell too much. This kind of shocked me, since it seems like James yells a lot more than I do. Maybe it's that I'm just with them a lot more often, so I have more of an opportunity. Either way, if my child thinks I yell at them too often, then I do.

So that's my goal this week: Less labeling, less yelling.

I found this coupon for Joann's here.

Use it this weekend to fulfill your crafting desires.

That is all.

'Cause I be bored, Matey, I be writing this whole post in the language of pirates, ARRRRR!

So oy be taken me kids to school t'day fer some brain-swabbing. We be gettin up fair early round these ports. They be a bit, might grouchy in the morn, an I ha' t'say I canna blame em, me hearty.

Me wee Hamster tole me he do not wanna get up ou' the snug-ly sheets. Yarr, I say to th' lad! Hoist your main sail and get a move on!

Do we be havin t' go t' the house o' learnin agin, Ma?, they do be pleadin! Aye, I say. There be power in th' booty of knowledge, ya lily-livered sprogs!

Then off me ownself true. To school I be goin to, for how else to be earnin th' fine dubloons when we be graduating?

After a sittin through many a long hour of land-lubbers a teachin, it be time to pirate me wee tiny mateys agin. I be pullin the Jolly Roger up to the port, an I do see the lil wench Sassafras a'ter Bud a'lookin to keel haul him! Shiver me timbers, I do be sayin!

He be a no good, dirty Scallywag!, she do declare. I be offerin em all the greatest grandest grog for snack an they be a quietin down.

We be havin a fine good peaceful eve here on th furner. I got pieces o eight in me bibs, I aint be makin no one walk th plank or be sendin them to Davy Jones locker, an I be a happy lass!

Thar be a grand good day in th life of a buccaneer lass, me hearty...

YO-HO-HO!

Weird News Wednesday (with a 5 grits warning)

I figured since I took the last couple Wednesdays off, I could fulfill your weird news needs today. You can thank me later. If you need any suggestions, I do need a new digital camera.

I get my news from various sources. I like to check a few different international news sites, as well as national and local. This story is a couple days old, so if you've heard about it already, oh well.

Honda has created a robot that is controlled by your thoughts.

I know!

Before your brain goes wild with the possibilities, let me tell you what the article suggested: A car that drives itself.

Big deal. Who cares about a car that can drive itself, when you can have a whole set of minions? I could think about doing laundry, and then my laundry robot would do it for me. I could think about making dinner, and my chef robot could do it.

I would never have to do any of those boring things, like read to my kids, or bathe them, or play outside with them. I could just lie around, thinking about doing all those things. It would be great!

That wasn't very sincere, was it?

You, I'm sure, dear reader, being the extremely astute person that you are, picked up on the sarcasm right away.

This type of technology is very exciting in it's design phases, but how will this make human life better? Will this mean that govts can create robot armies to wipe out other countries that don't have this technology? Because that's what most leaders think about when they have access to new technology. How to apply it to warfare. Brilliant! Let's make nano-robots that can infest an entire enemy's territory!

Or nano-robots, controlled by some geeks at the Pentagon, spying on all of us, Big Brother style?
*An apology to all my Pentagon-employed geek readers, I certainly don't mean you*

I hope this doesn't overload you with conspiracy theories too early in the morning, but that's just sort of where my brain is lately. Maybe it's the weather. It's kind of difficult to be cheery with ominous Midwestern clouds looming overhead. Will we get snow today? Or rain? Or tornadoes with flooding? I don't know!

Maybe we need some robots controlling the weather too...