Guess:
Guess what y'all?
I've been writing this blog for a year now.
guess what else.
I reached my lose 15 pounds, get a subscription (prescription?) to a fashion mag. goal. I know, fashion mags don't really seem like my thing, but I'm a deep, deep well.
I'm close to my be comfortable in the next size down in jeans by the end of the summer goal too. I'm going with the technical end of summer here - September 21st.
My junk is not your treasure, it's still junk:
I survived the yard sale. I didn't make enough to feel like it was worth it. I also didn't sell my obnoxious neighbor, but that may have been slightly illegal if I had, so it's probably better that I didn't. I made $80, met some colorful yard-salers, and got a sunburn...on my chin. Which is what happens when you wear your cute hat with a short brim that you bought in Baltimore. I also realized that yard sales are like childbirth. You only have one every few years so you sort of forget how painful they are. Remind me the next time I say I want a yard sale, OK?
Tease:
Bud turned 6 in the last couple of weeks. I won't tell you exactly what day, just in case you're a stalker. I made a volcano cake for him that actually erupted, but my friend took the video because we can't find our cameras, so I have to wait for him to give me a copy of it. So you'll have to wait for the amazing, fabulous, unbelievable volcano cake. Sorry.
Butterfly kisses, dipped in flower petals, and deep-fried in cuteness:
My friend Eve had her beautiful baby. Go see her pretty little girl and wish her congratulations. Unless you're a stalker.
Based on a true story:
A kind and beautiful lady helped her daughter move out of her apartment this weekend. The daughter owed her mother money, so it was in the best interest of this nearly-canonized mother to help the daughter. Said mother was on her hands and knees for hours this weekend scrubbing the floors of the apartment to be vacated. Does the daughter have roommates? Why, yes she does! Were the roommates there helping? No, at the time the saintly mom was cleaning the hovel, the roommates were not there. So Mother-Rella was cleaning and scouring, scouring and cleaning. She did not have singing woodland creatures to help her either. The gorgeous and immensely talented mother finished the WC and moved on the pantry. Even angels fall sometimes, and the mother was not feeling her usual incredibly generous self at this point. One may even say she was pissed. The pantry was still full of food, so the mom was moving the food out of the pantry to clean the shelves. Nestled behind 3 boxes of cereal, in the back of the closet, was a large jar labeled catmint. Now, the daughter has been known to self-medicate occasionally with something that looks a lot like what this "catmint" looked like. The size-2 mother with supermodel looks decided to ease her pissy torment by throwing away the catmint. She supposed that misery loves company and she was going to spread it around a little by making someone sorry they had left such a suspicious looking jar of leaves in the pantry for her to find. Embarrassed though she was to tarnish her golden sheen, she took more than a little glee from throwing the entire jar away. That will teach those wretched 20-somethings what's what! Keeping illegal substances is illegal, and the mother who shown with an inner light was ridding the apartment of evil. And making her self feel better in the process. Win-win, right? Except that when the daughter came upstairs and the mother proudly exclaimed what she had done (including finger quotes for the "cat mint"), the daughter burst out laughing. Cat mint, dear readers, is another name for catnip, a harmless herb used to help one get to sleep. The crestfallen, but still beautiful, mother laughed too and realized how silly she was. And then she called her equally beautiful oldest daughter to tell the tale you have just read.
Monday, August 31, 2009
Wednesday, August 26, 2009
A tiny little good time*
James and I took the kids out of town for a couple days. Since buying the house and moving, as well as juggling school schedules, we haven't had time or money to do a family vacation this summer. Normally we take the kids camping for about a week, or stay in a cabin deep in the woods, but this year, we could only carve out about 48 hours. So we took them to Dubuque. Since we won't be staying in the Midwest once we're done with school (we love you Iowa, but we just can't stay), we decided when we moved here that we would try to see as much of this part of the country as we could.
So I booked a hotel with a waterpark for two nights. It had slides, a lazy river, and a water jungle gym. We only suffered 2 bumped heads and James was hot. Not hawt, just hot. The man is nuclear. He would steam up the car windows even if we were driving around Hell (which we once did, btw, although I'm pretty sure the residents there usually just call it West Virginia). So we cranked the AC to 62 and the rest of us slept under piles of blankets, pillows, and a couple of bouncy balls that snuck their way into bed after being banned. The rest of the room was pretty good. It's hard to find a hotel room that will actually sleep 6 without having to turn children 90 degrees on the bed and have them all sleep that way. This room actually had 2 doubles and a pullout couch. You know your kids don't get out much when they fight over who gets to sleep on the pullout couch. I would have taken pictures, but we haven't been able to find our cameras since we moved. There was also a balcony. It was only a balcony in name, however, because it was literally about 8 inches deep. James got out onto it and slid the glass door behind himself. He was holding his breath and sort of leaned over the railing a little. And then I locked it. He couldn't turn around to give me a dirty look, but I could see little curls of smoke starting to come out of his ears, so I unlocked it and let him back in. After that, he told everyone else they couldn't go out there. Spoilsport.
We also went to the River Museum. If you ever need to take your picture next to about 15 different statues of Mark Twain, Or, if you want to spend more time herding your children out of the gift shop and then dealing with a crying 8-year old who couldn't find ANYthing that cost $2 or less, than actually looking at exhibits, OR, if you want to explain 20 times why the touch-the-gar exhibit is closed due to resting fish issues (fishues?) to an angry 6-year old, you should totally go to the River Museum.
This is not a paid advertisement for the museum by the way.
So I think our next mini vacation will probably be a weekend camping trip. Now that the Hamster is almost fully potty-trained, I will end my ban on tent camping. Anyone who has camped with a kid in diapers will understand.
I need to go, I'm having a yard sale this weekend and I'm still pulling stuff together to sell. Anyone want to buy one ice skate? or half a puzzle? or an obnoxious neighbor?
*Sassafras used to make up words and phrases. Having a "tiny little good time" meant we were all enjoying a really great experience.
P.S. James really is hawt :) And the museum was actually pretty fun.
James and I took the kids out of town for a couple days. Since buying the house and moving, as well as juggling school schedules, we haven't had time or money to do a family vacation this summer. Normally we take the kids camping for about a week, or stay in a cabin deep in the woods, but this year, we could only carve out about 48 hours. So we took them to Dubuque. Since we won't be staying in the Midwest once we're done with school (we love you Iowa, but we just can't stay), we decided when we moved here that we would try to see as much of this part of the country as we could.
So I booked a hotel with a waterpark for two nights. It had slides, a lazy river, and a water jungle gym. We only suffered 2 bumped heads and James was hot. Not hawt, just hot. The man is nuclear. He would steam up the car windows even if we were driving around Hell (which we once did, btw, although I'm pretty sure the residents there usually just call it West Virginia). So we cranked the AC to 62 and the rest of us slept under piles of blankets, pillows, and a couple of bouncy balls that snuck their way into bed after being banned. The rest of the room was pretty good. It's hard to find a hotel room that will actually sleep 6 without having to turn children 90 degrees on the bed and have them all sleep that way. This room actually had 2 doubles and a pullout couch. You know your kids don't get out much when they fight over who gets to sleep on the pullout couch. I would have taken pictures, but we haven't been able to find our cameras since we moved. There was also a balcony. It was only a balcony in name, however, because it was literally about 8 inches deep. James got out onto it and slid the glass door behind himself. He was holding his breath and sort of leaned over the railing a little. And then I locked it. He couldn't turn around to give me a dirty look, but I could see little curls of smoke starting to come out of his ears, so I unlocked it and let him back in. After that, he told everyone else they couldn't go out there. Spoilsport.
We also went to the River Museum. If you ever need to take your picture next to about 15 different statues of Mark Twain, Or, if you want to spend more time herding your children out of the gift shop and then dealing with a crying 8-year old who couldn't find ANYthing that cost $2 or less, than actually looking at exhibits, OR, if you want to explain 20 times why the touch-the-gar exhibit is closed due to resting fish issues (fishues?) to an angry 6-year old, you should totally go to the River Museum.
This is not a paid advertisement for the museum by the way.
So I think our next mini vacation will probably be a weekend camping trip. Now that the Hamster is almost fully potty-trained, I will end my ban on tent camping. Anyone who has camped with a kid in diapers will understand.
I need to go, I'm having a yard sale this weekend and I'm still pulling stuff together to sell. Anyone want to buy one ice skate? or half a puzzle? or an obnoxious neighbor?
*Sassafras used to make up words and phrases. Having a "tiny little good time" meant we were all enjoying a really great experience.
P.S. James really is hawt :) And the museum was actually pretty fun.
Monday, August 24, 2009
For Super L (especially)
a few conspiracy theories to _______________ you,
Give us your foreskin and we'll leave you alone...but not really.
The CDC is considering urging all parents to circumcise their children. Oops! Did I say children? I meant your boys. A govt institution, that admittedly is in some ways a good organization, wants to tell you whether or not to cut off part of your little boy's penis. Is that a little harsh to read? Too bad. Not harsher than having part of your body removed without your consent.
And it will all end with a big pile of pulsating bio-goo.
Scientistsalready have are this close to creating artificial life. But Michelle, surely they will use their powers for good and only make little yeastie beasts to clean up spilled petroleum. HA! How do you know "they" haven't already made fake people who walk among us? OK, just kidding. I'm not that far off the deep end. But still, it's creepy. I don't particularly like the thought of some lab-dork (sorry to all my lab-dork readers) thinking up ways to create new tiny minions to infect all the people who made fun of him for wearing ladies' thongs in high school. Wake up and smell the sci-fi people!
Kiss your mother with that keyboard?
This one is great. A crazy chick called another crazy chick a skank anonymously on her blog. The crazy skank sued Google to find out the identity of the crazy blogger. The judge ruled in the crazy skank's favor. Now the crazy blogger is suing Google for $15 million for unmasking her. She would have asked for more, but she can't count that high.
Yes, I am feeling rather mean today, since you asked.
Karma is a bitch.
Bernie Madoff, the old guy who lived it up on other peoples' money, went to prison. Forever. Now he's telling everyone he has cancer. Think he really does? Cause, you know, jail probably isn't as much fun as stealing widows' life-savings.
She's not just my sister, she's also my wife!
This is why the jokes we tell are always about Alabama. Or Abalama as GrandDad used t'say. Modern-day Hatfields and McCoys got into it the other night. This is favorite part "The town's police chief was hit in the head with a crowbar but was OK." How much you wanna bet whoever got arrested sat in his jail cell hootin n hollerin when his news story came on?
I don't feel so brave in this world.
So now the Big O, and I don't mean Oprah, wants to create a special interrogation unit led by our prestigious Commander. Oh but don't worry, he won't have anything to do with it. The FBI will be in charge of it. But doesn't the CIA usually cover Intelligence? Yup. I'm thinking they're not too happy about this. You know, why don't they just hire Google to track everyone? They already track everyone's online movements. And just so you know, I'm not thrilled about Google checking out my cookies. (my online cookies, weirdo)
There you go. Now go forth, and conspire.
a few conspiracy theories to _______________ you,
Give us your foreskin and we'll leave you alone...but not really.
The CDC is considering urging all parents to circumcise their children. Oops! Did I say children? I meant your boys. A govt institution, that admittedly is in some ways a good organization, wants to tell you whether or not to cut off part of your little boy's penis. Is that a little harsh to read? Too bad. Not harsher than having part of your body removed without your consent.
And it will all end with a big pile of pulsating bio-goo.
Scientists
Kiss your mother with that keyboard?
This one is great. A crazy chick called another crazy chick a skank anonymously on her blog. The crazy skank sued Google to find out the identity of the crazy blogger. The judge ruled in the crazy skank's favor. Now the crazy blogger is suing Google for $15 million for unmasking her. She would have asked for more, but she can't count that high.
Yes, I am feeling rather mean today, since you asked.
Karma is a bitch.
Bernie Madoff, the old guy who lived it up on other peoples' money, went to prison. Forever. Now he's telling everyone he has cancer. Think he really does? Cause, you know, jail probably isn't as much fun as stealing widows' life-savings.
She's not just my sister, she's also my wife!
This is why the jokes we tell are always about Alabama. Or Abalama as GrandDad used t'say. Modern-day Hatfields and McCoys got into it the other night. This is favorite part "The town's police chief was hit in the head with a crowbar but was OK." How much you wanna bet whoever got arrested sat in his jail cell hootin n hollerin when his news story came on?
I don't feel so brave in this world.
So now the Big O, and I don't mean Oprah, wants to create a special interrogation unit led by our prestigious Commander. Oh but don't worry, he won't have anything to do with it. The FBI will be in charge of it. But doesn't the CIA usually cover Intelligence? Yup. I'm thinking they're not too happy about this. You know, why don't they just hire Google to track everyone? They already track everyone's online movements. And just so you know, I'm not thrilled about Google checking out my cookies. (my online cookies, weirdo)
There you go. Now go forth, and conspire.
Wednesday, August 19, 2009
a little spice makes e'er thang nice
*I wrote a depressing blog post. I'm not dying (or pregnant) lovely reader, just stressed. But thank you for your concern, all the same.
*My mom texted me and told me she was going to be on some show on MTV. My mom is ** years old, people! on MTV?!? story developing...
*I suffered a migraine *shudders*. Nothing like having your head turned inside out swiftly and violently to make you immediately re-prioritize your day.
*I saw a rainbow. I spent an hour, gloriously alone, in a book store as a tempest raged outside. The heavens calmed themselves, I paid for my books (I bought 6 just for me!), and walked outside to see God's promise up above.
*The checkout lady at Walmart didn't say a word to me until she told me the total. I had almost $300 worth of groceries. That's a long time for a southern gal to wait for some dang customer service or a smile. If I had been in GA, I would have heard her life story starting from where her parents were born, all about her daughter's medical conditions (including the pictures), her brother who just got out of jail but still can't go within 10 miles of that trailer park anymore, and her new puppy who chewed up all her underwear and then got sick on her bed. Hmmm, come to think of it, carry on, Midwestern checker-outer. I wasn't in the mood anyway.
*the Hamster has only fallen off the potty-train once this week.
*Pickles asked if he could take the snake to school for Pet Day instead of the rabbit, because he was worried the rabbit would bite people.
*My suburban now only smells vaguely like the half-gallon of milk that spilled in the back a few weeks ago.
*James would like me to also add that he has done all the laundry and dishes for the last week as well. When I can come home after 12-hr school days to an empty sink and clean clothes, I can definitely add that to the post, Honey. Oh, also, I get foot rubs.
*and you stopped by to say hi. That's the best part :)
What has happened that has made your week nicer?
*I wrote a depressing blog post. I'm not dying (or pregnant) lovely reader, just stressed. But thank you for your concern, all the same.
*My mom texted me and told me she was going to be on some show on MTV. My mom is ** years old, people! on MTV?!? story developing...
*I suffered a migraine *shudders*. Nothing like having your head turned inside out swiftly and violently to make you immediately re-prioritize your day.
*I saw a rainbow. I spent an hour, gloriously alone, in a book store as a tempest raged outside. The heavens calmed themselves, I paid for my books (I bought 6 just for me!), and walked outside to see God's promise up above.
*The checkout lady at Walmart didn't say a word to me until she told me the total. I had almost $300 worth of groceries. That's a long time for a southern gal to wait for some dang customer service or a smile. If I had been in GA, I would have heard her life story starting from where her parents were born, all about her daughter's medical conditions (including the pictures), her brother who just got out of jail but still can't go within 10 miles of that trailer park anymore, and her new puppy who chewed up all her underwear and then got sick on her bed. Hmmm, come to think of it, carry on, Midwestern checker-outer. I wasn't in the mood anyway.
*the Hamster has only fallen off the potty-train once this week.
*Pickles asked if he could take the snake to school for Pet Day instead of the rabbit, because he was worried the rabbit would bite people.
*My suburban now only smells vaguely like the half-gallon of milk that spilled in the back a few weeks ago.
*James would like me to also add that he has done all the laundry and dishes for the last week as well. When I can come home after 12-hr school days to an empty sink and clean clothes, I can definitely add that to the post, Honey. Oh, also, I get foot rubs.
*and you stopped by to say hi. That's the best part :)
What has happened that has made your week nicer?
Monday, August 17, 2009
Feeling the strain
Do you ever feel like you need a break from something you do all the time? I know you do. Even if it's something that's good for you and is a necessary part of your life? I kind of feel that way about church right now. Like it's more of an effort than I can really handle. The only reason I want to go is for is the kids' sakes. My children and the ones in my Primary class. I understand all the reasons why I should go. I even understand that because I feel this way, I need to be there more than ever. But knowing something and being able to muster up the strength to do it are two different things.
I'm just so tired...
Do you ever feel like you need a break from something you do all the time? I know you do. Even if it's something that's good for you and is a necessary part of your life? I kind of feel that way about church right now. Like it's more of an effort than I can really handle. The only reason I want to go is for is the kids' sakes. My children and the ones in my Primary class. I understand all the reasons why I should go. I even understand that because I feel this way, I need to be there more than ever. But knowing something and being able to muster up the strength to do it are two different things.
I'm just so tired...
Monday, August 10, 2009
Conversations with kids...
Bud: I'm a storm!
me: A tornado?
Bud: edible play-dough?
me: no, a tornado!
Bud: um, no, just a storm.
************
me: Sass! get your dirty socks off my counter!
the Hamster: Ewwwwwwww!!!! I hate counters!
************
Pickles: Oh Dagnabbit! Blast it all!
************
Pickles: Mom, BunBun (his rabbit) really likes it when I make him pretend like he's talking. He says things like 'More celery please, and less onions. Thanks' BunBun is very polite.
me: I appreciate politeness in a pet.
************
the Hamster: If I go poo-poo potty, I can hab a twain?
me: like Thomas?
the Hamster: no, a WEAL twain.
me: use the potty and we'll talk...
************
all of them, constantly, anytime we drive anywhere, even if I've already told them a million times: Where are we going?
me: Crazy, and you're driving
************
the Hamster: What do shawks eat, Mom? he's a boy, let the shark fascination begin...
me: other fish
the Hamster: Dat's nat-ty! if I was a shawk, I would eat CAKE!
*************
Sass: I am SO glad I'm not a boy...
*************
Bud (who's birthday is late this month): I'm gonna have two birthdays this year Mom. That way, I can be 7 instead of turning 6 after everyone else. It's hard to start first grade when I'm only 5.
me: Wow, Bud. That was an incredibly wise thing to say.
Bud: Ok, but I don't know what wise means.
*************
Pickles: Why do you have to go to school all the time? You already know so much stuff!
Bud: I'm a storm!
me: A tornado?
Bud: edible play-dough?
me: no, a tornado!
Bud: um, no, just a storm.
************
me: Sass! get your dirty socks off my counter!
the Hamster: Ewwwwwwww!!!! I hate counters!
************
Pickles: Oh Dagnabbit! Blast it all!
************
Pickles: Mom, BunBun (his rabbit) really likes it when I make him pretend like he's talking. He says things like 'More celery please, and less onions. Thanks' BunBun is very polite.
me: I appreciate politeness in a pet.
************
the Hamster: If I go poo-poo potty, I can hab a twain?
me: like Thomas?
the Hamster: no, a WEAL twain.
me: use the potty and we'll talk...
************
all of them, constantly, anytime we drive anywhere, even if I've already told them a million times: Where are we going?
me: Crazy, and you're driving
************
the Hamster: What do shawks eat, Mom? he's a boy, let the shark fascination begin...
me: other fish
the Hamster: Dat's nat-ty! if I was a shawk, I would eat CAKE!
*************
Sass: I am SO glad I'm not a boy...
*************
Bud (who's birthday is late this month): I'm gonna have two birthdays this year Mom. That way, I can be 7 instead of turning 6 after everyone else. It's hard to start first grade when I'm only 5.
me: Wow, Bud. That was an incredibly wise thing to say.
Bud: Ok, but I don't know what wise means.
*************
Pickles: Why do you have to go to school all the time? You already know so much stuff!
Hello beautiful people!
I've had a few blog posts rolling around in my head lately, but they're not so coherent and they're also not finished, so rather than wait till my Organic Chemistry class is over and I have my days back for a couple months, I decided to just post a few updates about what's goin' on 'round here.
We're settling into the house. We have just a few boxes left to unpack and we're planning a garage sale for the last weekend in August. Anyone who wants to bring anything over, you're welcome to do so. No kids though. It's illegal to sell them. Don't worry about how I know that, just trust me.
I also would love some bar stools too, if you happen to have 4 you don't need anymore. Apparently, bar stools are in high demand. I've been trolling craigslist recently looking for them. I've found free chinchillas, and an antique torture device, but no bar stools for less than $100/pc. I didn't take the chinchillas or the antique, I just found them...
The kids are loving their own rooms. It'd be great if they'd actually sleep in them. Bud carries his outer space nightlight around with him and that's how I know which room he's sleeping in. I just look for the projected image of space on a ceiling. Pickles shares his room with his rabbit, BunBun. Nobody could come up with a good name, so his nickname stuck. Pickles didn't like my suggestions of Steve, Ra-butt, or Dinner, so Bunbun it is. Sassafras has been living in her room for the past several weeks. She's on a mission to read a gajillion books this summer. She's almost there too. We just slide a plate of food under her door and try not to get our hand bitten. And the Hamster is still not potty-trained. Remember how I said it's illegal to sell kids? Well, I'll give you this one. He's really cute, funny, and eats his fruits and veggies, he just smells awful once or twice a day.
I have to go write up a paper that's due in a few hours, but I wanted to let y'all know we're still here. Hopefully it won't be close to 2 weeks again before I post.
Love you long time, Michelle.
I've had a few blog posts rolling around in my head lately, but they're not so coherent and they're also not finished, so rather than wait till my Organic Chemistry class is over and I have my days back for a couple months, I decided to just post a few updates about what's goin' on 'round here.
We're settling into the house. We have just a few boxes left to unpack and we're planning a garage sale for the last weekend in August. Anyone who wants to bring anything over, you're welcome to do so. No kids though. It's illegal to sell them. Don't worry about how I know that, just trust me.
I also would love some bar stools too, if you happen to have 4 you don't need anymore. Apparently, bar stools are in high demand. I've been trolling craigslist recently looking for them. I've found free chinchillas, and an antique torture device, but no bar stools for less than $100/pc. I didn't take the chinchillas or the antique, I just found them...
The kids are loving their own rooms. It'd be great if they'd actually sleep in them. Bud carries his outer space nightlight around with him and that's how I know which room he's sleeping in. I just look for the projected image of space on a ceiling. Pickles shares his room with his rabbit, BunBun. Nobody could come up with a good name, so his nickname stuck. Pickles didn't like my suggestions of Steve, Ra-butt, or Dinner, so Bunbun it is. Sassafras has been living in her room for the past several weeks. She's on a mission to read a gajillion books this summer. She's almost there too. We just slide a plate of food under her door and try not to get our hand bitten. And the Hamster is still not potty-trained. Remember how I said it's illegal to sell kids? Well, I'll give you this one. He's really cute, funny, and eats his fruits and veggies, he just smells awful once or twice a day.
I have to go write up a paper that's due in a few hours, but I wanted to let y'all know we're still here. Hopefully it won't be close to 2 weeks again before I post.
Love you long time, Michelle.
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