Things I've did in the past week...

I spent a day watching most of the little boys at Cub Scout camp beat on each other while my son borrowed a magnifying glass to watch a caterpillar crawl a tree.

I got a ferocious sunburn at said camp.

I went to bed before 8PM that night.

******

I sent my little girl to GA on a big plane all by herself for a week. Don't worry, she's not spending her week in ATL alone, my mother picked her up from the airport - thanks Mom!

I cried because I miss her.

******

I spent 10 hours over the weekend scraping lead paint off of 15 windows in the house we're buying. I spent another 2 hours repainting them.

I was simultaneously pissed and thankful that we are buying a house that was foreclosed upon.

We found 6 baby bunnies in the backyard at the new house.

I convinced my kids that the babies were better off with their mother than with us. This was rather selfish on my part, since I had no desire to wake up every few hours to try to feed baby rabbits with a ridiculously small dropper bottle.

******

We celebrated 8 years of Pickles being here on Earth as part of our family with a cookout at the park. He had a blast, I had a hamburger.

I turned 31.

Yep, we share a birthday.

******

gotta go finish a 10-page take-home exam, so I'll be back later!

This was written almost a week ago as a Word doc. I've been having internet problems...
But it's here now, and that's what matters.

How I spent my evening…

I studied and memorized the entire periodic table. It was great! I balanced redox equations with ease and handmade a Madame Curie costume all within an hour. Pickles presented a full length opera he had composed, Bud softly played a difficult piece by Mozart, and the Hamster painted a family portrait in oils. James made a 3 course meal that was healthy and balanced, while Sassafras was away at an accelerated learning Boarding Camp for gifted girls. Our house was spotless, the dogs taught themselves to use the restroom AND flush, and we found a check for $500 dollars that had fallen behind a cabinet! It was amazing! We ended the evening with a family singalong and homemade granola that had been baking at a low temperature for several hours so as not to destroy the enzymes present in all the raw nuts and seeds I had added.

Here, have some wading boots, because it’s getting kind of deep in here.

How I ACTUALLY spent my evening…

I hid in my room, the only one with a window AC unit. James interrupted me 10 minutes later, 10 FREAKIN MINUTES! later to ask what to make the boys for dinner. When I explained that it was kind of his job to think of something tonight since he was done with school for the next month and I’m taking a difficult class, he said the boys had been eating all day and probably weren’t hungry right now anyway.

The boys interrupted 10 minutes after that to ask what I was making for dinner because they were starving. I screamed calmly explained that their father would be making them dinner tonight. And to please leave. I SAID LEAVE. please.

Pickles did NOT compose an opera – he sat in front of the Wii for 2 hours straight. Bud did NOT play the piano, he whined about not being able to play the Wii because he screamed at the dentist’s today for 30 minutes about having to have x-rays taken (which eventually weren’t). the Hamster did NOT paint a canvas, he actually pooped in his underwear twice. When they were finally sent to bed, they asked what they had eaten for dinner.

Sass was away all day being a Mother’s Helper to a friend so she could make some fun money to spend when she’s in GA for a week without us. That’s a whole other post…

The house is a mess, I found a strainer full of blueberries (and fruit flies) under the dining room table, and the washing machine hasn’t been working for a week. Why? Because I decided to wash the bathroom rug. The 10 year-old bathroom rug being held together with dirt and disgusting things never to be spoken of love. The rug that didn’t get hung after it was washed, but rather sat in the washer going sour and losing its rubber backing piece by tiny piece. So that when I rewashed the sour laundry load the next day, the backing completely disintegrated. And clogged up the hose. I said screw it, it’s finals week and my chem. class has begun.. And so it sat for 2 more days.

Tonight was the night. The night the washing machine was going down. I was beyond being able to wear the same pair of pants for another day. The washer had to be conquered. I saw things and smelled things that will haunt me for years. Things no mother in a civilized society should ever see/smell. But I won. And I will wear clean pants again!

Did I scare you away pretties?

You should be thankful I only post a few of my conspiracy theories on this here blog.

You can come back and read now. I promise this post is full of delightfully witty things my kids said.

Ready?

Sassafras held up a waffle in front of the Hamster's face and said, "THIS is a spider waffle, see its many many eyes?"
(she had bitten tiny holes all through it)

Sass, again. "I'm going to steamroller you, Pickles!"
Pickles: The only steam I see is coming from your posterior region. P-U!
(Have I mentioned Pickles is still 7? Did I mention our plethora of anatomy books we have laying around the house?)

the Hamster: Mom? An I hab dog-foo ice weam?
me: Dog-food ice cream?
the Hamster: yeah!
me: Sorry Dude, we're all out.

Bud: Mom, I'm having a really hard time scratching my ear with my foot.

me (exasperated): the Hamster, PLEASE use the potty! You are a big boy and you need to use the potty like Bud and Pickles, or I will make you use the bathroom outside, and sleep in the dogs' crates at night, eat dogfood. Is that what you want?
the Hamster: YES!

Does it sound as though our dogs are actually raising our kids instead of James and me? Will you see a story on our poor neglected Mowgli children on the evening news? Only if you turn me in!

Sass: When I grow up, I will let my kids wear whatever they want!
me: Whatever! I'm going to live with you and still pick your clothes out for you when you're 35.
Sass: How will I ever get away from you?

Pickles: Bud hit me again! On PURPOSE!
me: Why?
Pickles: Because I kicked him.

So there you go, no aliens, zombies, or gov't plots today! Tune in next week for another exciting adventure!

Newspeak and the Thought Police coming to a T.V. near you!

Can you say Nineteen Eighty-Four, boys and girls? Now that the president has control of a major network, tell me how the Socialist States of America will play this out. How long before they set a protocol for things you can say and things you can't say? How long before they set a protocol about things you can show and things you can't? I know this sounds like a fairly extreme conspiracy theory, but this kind of thing scares the hell out of me. This is not a news source anymore. ABC has become a propaganda machine.

Randumb

Did you ever wonder about the brain anatomy of a zombie? Maybe you remember how I feel about zombies. Maybe this guy has a thing about zombies like I have a thing about tornadoes. So he wrote a "scientific" paper detailing the brain of a zombie.

Dr. Weirdo (see above) briefly discussed, in his (I'm sure) peer-reviewed thesis, what zombies eat for dinner. I bet they don't sushi though. But if you do, you may be hosting a new friend. This article discusses how the rise in popularity in sushi has also given rise to the world's population of tapeworms.

Excuse me while I go dry heave.

OK, I'm back.

Now that you're sufficiently grossed out, how about a cool optical illusion.


that is all today kids...

I know I said I'd take a break from posting, but I wanted to share,
a few things that made my week more interesting...

Having to say, "Do NOT put the dog's tail into the fan!"

Hearing about how the other inmates saved cookies for a lady who's "paying off" her traffic fines with weekends in jail...from the pulpit during a fasting and testimony meeting.

Reading about this tiny microwave that plugs into a USB port on a computer. You know, in case you need a very small bag of popcorn while you're facebooking and you just can't pull yourself away.

Telling Pickles, more than once, that I had no idea if it would take longer for someone with a tan to die in the desert than it would take a really white person to die.

Having all my kids ride home in their undies after an accidental swimming lesson in a park pond.

Finding sandwich meat stuffed into an empty water bottle in the fridge.

Finding this video on boortz.com. I'm terrified of tornadoes, almost to the point of phobia. It's ridiculous really, I've never even been through one. But each Spring, I read stories, watch videos, and view pictures of the massive storms and generally scare myself stupid about it. Like it's tornado porn. So anyway, this video just feeds the fear. Also, I'm starting a therapy fund for myself.

Hearing one of the counselors in Primary say she must be smoking something because she messed up what she was saying. In front of the kids.

Taking the kids to see UP. It was really an excellent movie. I laughed throughout the movie because it was genuinely funny. There wasn't even any hidden innuendo to try to keep the adults entertained! I don't know about you, but I hate it when directors think they need to add some "hidden" sexual humor in a kids' movie to try to keep the adults happy. Congratulations Pixar! Another good one, so thanks. Also, I definitely recommend the 3-D version.

Watching Bud dance. Probably the best thing all week. He's insanely shy, so seeing him bounce around like a chicken perched on an electric fence was AWESOME!

Oh! The fun we had at the park today!

picture taken by Mama Howerton

4 grits warning

Well, this may be an opening for the restablishment of certain gospel laws. New Hampshire, one of those states that not a whole lot of people know anything about, has polygamy advocates up in arms after they passed a same-sex marriage law. The polygamists argue that if two guys/gals can get married, then why can't more than two people make a marriage. I realize that marriage in the temple is only between a man and a woman. But will gay marriage laws repave the path toward polygamy? It is a very interesting debate to think about.

I try not to think about the end of times too often. It's a heavy heavy topic. One that I'm not entirely comfortable with, actually.

So anyway, if you have any thoughts on this, feel free to comment. I promise not to attack you, unless you attack first. But any thoughtful interesting comments are welcome.

A little bloggy sampler, with a side of southwest ranch sauce

Weird News Wednesday
Do you like pigeons? Yeah, me neither, but these pictures are pretty cool.

Conversations with kids
Bud, (pretending to be a dad) "You are bad! Go to your room!"
Sassafras "You better be careful, or I'm calling Child Amusement!"

(We can work on the psychology of that conversation later...)

Politics
What the crap is going on with the big O saying it's perfectly OK for Iran to have nukes? You don't give mental patients big sharp knives to play with and hope nothing bad will happen.

Daily Life Updates
*We should close on the house by the end of the month. We are also very poor, and will qualify for some forgivable loan type programs to add to the down payment.
*My chemistry class starts Monday. Coincidentally, finals for the other school I'm attending also start Monday. Can we say stress, boys and girls?
*The B&B James whisked me away to was wonderful. If you live around here, and you need a relaxing place to go visit, ask me where it was.
*The kids get out of school Friday. Did I mention I won't be? These next two weeks should be, uh, interesting.

So I probably won't be posting too too much for a little while.

But I still love you.