This was written almost a week ago as a Word doc. I've been having internet problems...
But it's here now, and that's what matters.

How I spent my evening…

I studied and memorized the entire periodic table. It was great! I balanced redox equations with ease and handmade a Madame Curie costume all within an hour. Pickles presented a full length opera he had composed, Bud softly played a difficult piece by Mozart, and the Hamster painted a family portrait in oils. James made a 3 course meal that was healthy and balanced, while Sassafras was away at an accelerated learning Boarding Camp for gifted girls. Our house was spotless, the dogs taught themselves to use the restroom AND flush, and we found a check for $500 dollars that had fallen behind a cabinet! It was amazing! We ended the evening with a family singalong and homemade granola that had been baking at a low temperature for several hours so as not to destroy the enzymes present in all the raw nuts and seeds I had added.

Here, have some wading boots, because it’s getting kind of deep in here.

How I ACTUALLY spent my evening…

I hid in my room, the only one with a window AC unit. James interrupted me 10 minutes later, 10 FREAKIN MINUTES! later to ask what to make the boys for dinner. When I explained that it was kind of his job to think of something tonight since he was done with school for the next month and I’m taking a difficult class, he said the boys had been eating all day and probably weren’t hungry right now anyway.

The boys interrupted 10 minutes after that to ask what I was making for dinner because they were starving. I screamed calmly explained that their father would be making them dinner tonight. And to please leave. I SAID LEAVE. please.

Pickles did NOT compose an opera – he sat in front of the Wii for 2 hours straight. Bud did NOT play the piano, he whined about not being able to play the Wii because he screamed at the dentist’s today for 30 minutes about having to have x-rays taken (which eventually weren’t). the Hamster did NOT paint a canvas, he actually pooped in his underwear twice. When they were finally sent to bed, they asked what they had eaten for dinner.

Sass was away all day being a Mother’s Helper to a friend so she could make some fun money to spend when she’s in GA for a week without us. That’s a whole other post…

The house is a mess, I found a strainer full of blueberries (and fruit flies) under the dining room table, and the washing machine hasn’t been working for a week. Why? Because I decided to wash the bathroom rug. The 10 year-old bathroom rug being held together with dirt and disgusting things never to be spoken of love. The rug that didn’t get hung after it was washed, but rather sat in the washer going sour and losing its rubber backing piece by tiny piece. So that when I rewashed the sour laundry load the next day, the backing completely disintegrated. And clogged up the hose. I said screw it, it’s finals week and my chem. class has begun.. And so it sat for 2 more days.

Tonight was the night. The night the washing machine was going down. I was beyond being able to wear the same pair of pants for another day. The washer had to be conquered. I saw things and smelled things that will haunt me for years. Things no mother in a civilized society should ever see/smell. But I won. And I will wear clean pants again!