warning: gritty post

I'm sure some of you noticed that I didn't go to church for the last several months. I'm sure you've wondered why. But only a handful of people actually asked me how I was doing or what I've been up to. I've been dealing with family issues from every side. My family, my extended family, James' extended family...

I'm cynical right now.

So, as immature as it may have been, I deleted a lot of people from my facebook profile. I narrowed it down to family and close friends. That means that most of the people from church are no longer "connected" to me on facebook. If I un-friended you, deal with it.

I am in more pain right now than I have been in a long time. I'm working on it. I know I will get through it. If you've been supportive of me and my family, I thank you. I truly appreciate it because I know how hard it is to keep a family together AND extend yourself to others at the same time. It's exhausting.

I don't fault anyone for not going out of their way to call or stop by. If you have, then I thank you. If you didn't, I understand that everyone has their own priorities. It's OK. But if I don't reach out right now, don't take it personally. I'm fairly private about what I'm feeling.

What I need is prayers. If you call and I don't answer, it's because I'm conserving my energy. I realize this post is heavy and possibly full of contradictions but it's hard to organize my thoughts.

I don't know what I want to come from letting all of you know a small part of what's going on, but I needed to get it out.