Conversations with Pickles

Pickles: I think I'd like a Marine Iguana for a pet. (As I mentioned in previous posts, the subject of what-I-want-for-a-pet is a popular discussion around here)
Bud: I want a ta-NAN-tula.
Pickles: It's ta-RAN-tula, Bud, geesh!
me: Bud, when you're 8. Pickles, Marine Iguanas need the sea. That's why they're marine iguanas.
Pickles: I guess a regular iguana is OK.
me: we'll talk later.

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Pickles: Can a killer whale eat Dad?
me: I suppose, if Dad were in the water and the killer whale was hungry.
Pickles: Well, I hope that doesn't happen.
me: Yeah, me too.

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Pickles: When we go back to GA, can we live next door to GrandMomma?
me: No.
Pickles: Oh, well, can we live down the street from her?

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Pickles: There's this kid, um... There's this kid at school, um... This kid at school... He, um... He said, um... This kid at school said, um... Hey Mom?
me: What?
Pickles: What was I saying?
me: That you love me
Pickles: Oh yeah!

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Pickles: Mom, today at recess Mrs. Smith was giving everyone balls. When I asked for one, she said NO! I went off by myself and cried a little.
me (trying not to call this lady an ass for making my sweet Pickles cry): Oh no! I'm sorry honey.
Pickles: And then she came and said, Thanks for telling me that Ricky was biting people. Mom, that doesn't even make sense! I didn't say that. She ruined recess.
me: Well, maybe she's dumb. Grownups can be dumb too. (possibly not the best response, but much tamer than what I was thinking) Maybe she was having a bad day. Maybe she had a giant bug bite on her behind and it was itching and making her crazy. Having an itchy butt can make you pretty crazy.
Pickles: Really?
me: Definitely. Whenever some teacher is being crazy for no reason, just assume she has an itchy butt.
Pickles: Ok, thanks.
me: Anytime buddy, anytime.