Things I miss about my kids while I'm away:

Sassafras
1. How helpful/loyal/kind/generous she is.
2. The rich dark color of her hair and eyes. How pretty Sass is takes my breath away.
3. Her laugh when something is unexpectedly funny.
4. Her ideas about life.
5. Discussing books with her.

Pickles
1. His curious curious questions.
2. His round cheeks.
3. His hug-a-minute ness
4. How even when he smells like 3-day old overcooked bellybutton, I know where his still smelling good spots are.
5. How sweet he is with the Hamster

Bud
1. His freckles. Oh! His freckles!
2. You know how some kids are snuggle-bears or snuggle-bunnies? Bud is a snuggle-porcupine. The kid is all elbows and knees. And I miss that.
3. He understands and uses puns. He's 5!
4. His quest for justice for all, even though it's usually slanted a little his way. (he is 5 after all)
5. How much he loves me. I've never gotten so many I-love-you notes from anyone.

the Hamster
1. His blue eyes. I could lose an hour or so in them, if he'd let me.
2. The baby that's still in his chubby elbows, thighs, nibblelicious neck, shallow dimples, and raspberry-worthy belly.
3. How much he loves fruit. The kid could put away half a watermelon alone... and he has!
4. Watching him morph from a baby to a big boy. It's painful, beautiful, and amazing.
5. His devotion to Sassafras, his mini-mom.

and so many other things...

I've told you before (if you don't remember, or I didn't really tell you before, then just go along with it) that I'm a teacher at church for the 4-yr olds turning 5. It's called CTR 5. CTR = Choose the Right. Anyhoo, each Sunday, we ask the children how their week was. Did they do anything special? Did they go anywhere fun? James, who team-teaches with me, always asks what they had for breakfast...

So the last few Sundays have been particularly entertaining.

me: How was your week E?

E: It was good. (interrupting herself) I'M A ROCKSTAAAAAARRRRRR!!!! So anywaaaaaaaay, my sistooh and me took a shower and we peed on each other. Oh, we also went to Chuck-E-Cheese last week, but I already told you about that.

James inexplicably had a coughing fit at this point.

me: You know, E, that's probably not a good idea. I don't think your mom would like that if she knew.

E: Oh, she doesn't know. Also, when are you gonna get a new boy? Bud is totally annoying. Are you pregnant now?

me: Uh, no. OK, who's next?


Chach: ME, ME, ME, ME, ME, ME!

me: Ok, Chach, what did you do this week?

Chach: We went to Chuck-E-Cheese too!

me: You did? That's awesome! What for?

Chach: Dad said that if M went potty training, then we could go. She did, so we went. I got 20 tokens!

E: You did not.

Chach: I did too! You weren't there.

me: She went, E. Girls, that's enough. Who's next? Y? You want to go next?


Y: no.

me: Not anything?

Y: no.


me: J? How bout you, buddy?

J: I have a baby now.

me: You do? What's his name? (J's new little brother is several months old now, but he's still excited about it.)

J: E-why. And then he said something that sounded like a story about monkeys invading his house.


me: Really! That's great. J'dan? How bout you honey?

J'dan: We had some friends come over. And they made a mess. And my mom said they're not very good-picker-uppers but that every family has different rules and that we like them anyway.

I'm sharing these with you so that as a parent, you can be aware that your kid is soaking up and sharing all kinds of interesting tidbits with their teachers, and probably any other adult who will take half a minute and listen. And then that adult will blog about it.

Just so you know!

P.S. E and her sister do not really pee on each other. I shared E's story with her mom and they had a LONG talk!

I've been chastised for taking so long between posting. I suppose I could post rather than facebook, but since fb is like TV for me (I don't watch TV btw), I don't need my brain. I can zone out and read my news, catch up with people, etc, without having to think up any commentary on stuff. But since you are here, you must be interested at least a little, and some of you a lottle, by the thinks I think.

So here's a few things that have been niggling my brain.

I'm taking a physics survey course. And as much fun as trying to remember trig functions is, sometimes it's a bit boring. *gasp!* I know. But my teacher said something poetic the other day, which added to the marbles rolling around in my noggin.

Picking a flower could move a star.

Due to the effects of gravity, everything has some impact on everything else. This is not a new thought to me. You can't sit on top of a mountain and not have this thought. But it's been awhile since I've either thought this, or sat atop a mountain.

My teacher for one of my business classes also added to the marble pile by reminding us to sit still for about 10 minutes everyday.

I don't think I've done enough of that lately.

And when I don't sit still with myself enough, I find myself questioning things from an outside perspective rather than from within. Which is where I should start my thinks. My ideas and decisions, when born from silence and reverence, have a divine origin. When the silence is drowned by the noises from school, other people, the kids' Wii/movies, loud music, and...well...you get the picture, then I lose that peaceful facet.

I need to go again. There are things I must take care and then I think I will go find a quiet corner to myself for awhile. If you have a comment, feel free to leave it. If you have any particular way that you renew yourself, I'd love to read it.

a slight departure from usual Wednesday fare:

Weird Pictures Wednesday

Electrified plants. It's...well...electrifying.

Just in case that bad joke didn't tingle your fancy, a photo of a lightning bolt hitting a boat. It's shocking!

wait! Don't go. I promise no more terrible puns.

this may be photoshopped, but if it's not, it will complete the triumvirate of cool electricity photos.

y'all be good, come back now, and and watch for deer!

I have bloggers' block. I want to keep y'all update, rahlly I do, but I sit here to type and all I can think about is how stressed I am. I don't even have time to do the de-stressing things I do like painting/walking/hanging out with friends.

I have a beautiful old attic in our new house that I want to turn into a studio. Converting it really just means putting drafting tables and easels and supplies up there and sitting down to paint.

Are you new here? I'm an artist. I like to play around with all mediums, but what I have a burning desire to do is paint in oils. Specifically with paint knives. I like to smear the paint on like it's icing. I usually use a very rich palette full of deep blues, crimsons, and yellow ochres. I tend to go towards a more impressionist style with a dreamy quality. I like to express how something made me feel, rather than recreate a scene. Are we all together now?

Moving on.

Anyway, I can't seem to remember anything funny my kids have said lately. Either I can't seem to keep it in my brain, or I just haven't seen them enough lately. Prolly both. I am planning on taking Sassafras to see the new Harry Potter movie. She made it a goal to reread the series this summer and finished last week, little genius that she is. She read them all last summer, but didn't finish till August.

I haven't been keeping up with politics lately either. I'd love to write a witty reply to Sotomayer's wise Latina remark, but I've only skimmed articles and read headlines.

I feel as though I'm losing my pithiness. Or it's just being replaced with Chemistry and Physics.

I did get to unpack all my herbs and spices. The smell when I opened the boxes in the new kitchen almost made me cry.

There's lots to do at the new house. Unpacking first, but small repairs here and there. It's 109 years old, so there's ongoing upkeep. It's beautiful though.

I have to go. I have class again in a few. Sorry if this post is so disjointed...

The interesting situation I find myself in:

I'm paying rent for the month of July for a house I'm not living in.

I don't officially own the house we are living in until next Friday.

Money hasn't been this tight in a long time.

We met one of our new neighbors, who immediately threatened to call the cops on us if we let our dog bark all night again. Which we don't. A plate of cookies would have been a WAY nicer welcome.

Someones tried to get into my truck the first night it was parked out front. My 285K mile, battered, nicest thing in it is Hamster's car seat, Suburban. So, luckily we have a garage out back that we will definitely be parking in from now on.

We had a swarm of people from church come and help us move. We have NEVER had this many church members help us move. When we get settled, y'all all need to come over for some fried chicken - yee haw!

I got a new pair of running shoes, but haven't been able to try them out for the last 3 days. grr.

I have a great new attic with 100 year old wooden floors to use as a studio. I'm itching to paint just thinking about it.

Good friends moved away, and I miss them.

I'm on a 2 hour break from classes right now, before I have to go back.

which is why...

I've been reading and enjoying everyones' blogs, even if I haven't been commenting or posting my own. Don't worry, I'm still here.

Quick update

We close on the house tomorrow at 1pm

I start a brutal school schedule next Tuesday that will have some days that start at 8am, take a break at 2pm, start back at 345pm and end at 945pm. I have already made a giant cardboard cutout of myself so the kids don't miss me. Then I recorded myself saying things like "Go clean your room!", and "Get off the roof!" They won't miss me at all.

Mom and Shannon came for Pickles' baptism on the Fourth of July. Cool date, no? But we miss them. We also missed our other family members who couldn't make it.

I got some running shoes. I like walking/running, it's just difficult to get out and do it. But I am 15 lb lighter than I was last summer, so it's progress. My small goal is to be a size smaller by the end of summer. Just one size. My pants now are already a lot looser, so I'm on track.

I'm thinking about planning a road trip to ATL at the end of October to pick up all the house type things we left in GA when we moved here: washing machine, corner cabinet, lawn mower, etc.. So if you feel like driving to GA and back with me the last week of October, let me know. I don't listen to country and I don't take many bathroom breaks, so that weeds a few of y'all out already.

That's about it for now.

An email my mother sent me. Thanks, anonymous author!


Excerpts from a Dog's Diary......

8:00 am - Dog food! My favorite thing!
9:30 am - A car ride! My favorite thing!
9:40 am - A walk in the park! My favorite thing!
10:30 am - Got rubbed and petted! My favorite thing!
12:00 pm - Lunch! My favorite thing!
1:00 pm - Played in the yard! My favorite thing!
3:00 pm - Wagged my tail! My favorite thing!
5:00 pm - Milk Bones! My favorite thing!
7:00 pm - Got to play ball! My favorite thing!
8:00 pm - Wow! Watched TV with the people! My favorite thing!
11:00 pm - Sleeping on the bed! My favorite thing!



Excerpts from a Cat's Diary...

Day 983 of my captivity...My captors continue to taunt me with bizarre little dangling objects. They dine lavishly on fresh meat, while the other inmates and I are fed hash or some sort of dry nuggets. Although I make my contempt for the rations perfectly clear, I nevertheless must eat something in order to keep up my strength.The only thing that keeps me going is my dream of escape. In an attempt to disgust them, I once again vomit on the carpet.Today I decapitated a mouse and dropped its headless body at their feet. I had hoped this would strike fear into their hearts, since it clearly demonstrates what I am capable of. However, they merely made condescending comments about what a 'good little hunter' I am. Bastards.There was some sort of assembly of their accomplices tonight. I was placed in solitary confinement for the duration of the event. However, I could hear the noises and smell the food. I overheard that my confinement was due to the power of 'allergies.' I must learn what this means and how to use it to my advantage.Today I was almost successful in an attempt to assassinate one of my tormentors by weaving around his feet as he was walking. I must try this again tomorrow, but at the top of the stairs..I am convinced that the other prisoners here are flunkies and snitches. The dog receives special privileges. He is regularly released - and seems to be more than willing to return. He is obviously retarded.The bird has got to be an informant. I observe him communicating with the guards regularly. I am certain that he reports my every move. My captors have arranged protective custody for him in an elevated cell, so he is safe. For now...

Things I've did in the past week...

I spent a day watching most of the little boys at Cub Scout camp beat on each other while my son borrowed a magnifying glass to watch a caterpillar crawl a tree.

I got a ferocious sunburn at said camp.

I went to bed before 8PM that night.

******

I sent my little girl to GA on a big plane all by herself for a week. Don't worry, she's not spending her week in ATL alone, my mother picked her up from the airport - thanks Mom!

I cried because I miss her.

******

I spent 10 hours over the weekend scraping lead paint off of 15 windows in the house we're buying. I spent another 2 hours repainting them.

I was simultaneously pissed and thankful that we are buying a house that was foreclosed upon.

We found 6 baby bunnies in the backyard at the new house.

I convinced my kids that the babies were better off with their mother than with us. This was rather selfish on my part, since I had no desire to wake up every few hours to try to feed baby rabbits with a ridiculously small dropper bottle.

******

We celebrated 8 years of Pickles being here on Earth as part of our family with a cookout at the park. He had a blast, I had a hamburger.

I turned 31.

Yep, we share a birthday.

******

gotta go finish a 10-page take-home exam, so I'll be back later!

This was written almost a week ago as a Word doc. I've been having internet problems...
But it's here now, and that's what matters.

How I spent my evening…

I studied and memorized the entire periodic table. It was great! I balanced redox equations with ease and handmade a Madame Curie costume all within an hour. Pickles presented a full length opera he had composed, Bud softly played a difficult piece by Mozart, and the Hamster painted a family portrait in oils. James made a 3 course meal that was healthy and balanced, while Sassafras was away at an accelerated learning Boarding Camp for gifted girls. Our house was spotless, the dogs taught themselves to use the restroom AND flush, and we found a check for $500 dollars that had fallen behind a cabinet! It was amazing! We ended the evening with a family singalong and homemade granola that had been baking at a low temperature for several hours so as not to destroy the enzymes present in all the raw nuts and seeds I had added.

Here, have some wading boots, because it’s getting kind of deep in here.

How I ACTUALLY spent my evening…

I hid in my room, the only one with a window AC unit. James interrupted me 10 minutes later, 10 FREAKIN MINUTES! later to ask what to make the boys for dinner. When I explained that it was kind of his job to think of something tonight since he was done with school for the next month and I’m taking a difficult class, he said the boys had been eating all day and probably weren’t hungry right now anyway.

The boys interrupted 10 minutes after that to ask what I was making for dinner because they were starving. I screamed calmly explained that their father would be making them dinner tonight. And to please leave. I SAID LEAVE. please.

Pickles did NOT compose an opera – he sat in front of the Wii for 2 hours straight. Bud did NOT play the piano, he whined about not being able to play the Wii because he screamed at the dentist’s today for 30 minutes about having to have x-rays taken (which eventually weren’t). the Hamster did NOT paint a canvas, he actually pooped in his underwear twice. When they were finally sent to bed, they asked what they had eaten for dinner.

Sass was away all day being a Mother’s Helper to a friend so she could make some fun money to spend when she’s in GA for a week without us. That’s a whole other post…

The house is a mess, I found a strainer full of blueberries (and fruit flies) under the dining room table, and the washing machine hasn’t been working for a week. Why? Because I decided to wash the bathroom rug. The 10 year-old bathroom rug being held together with dirt and disgusting things never to be spoken of love. The rug that didn’t get hung after it was washed, but rather sat in the washer going sour and losing its rubber backing piece by tiny piece. So that when I rewashed the sour laundry load the next day, the backing completely disintegrated. And clogged up the hose. I said screw it, it’s finals week and my chem. class has begun.. And so it sat for 2 more days.

Tonight was the night. The night the washing machine was going down. I was beyond being able to wear the same pair of pants for another day. The washer had to be conquered. I saw things and smelled things that will haunt me for years. Things no mother in a civilized society should ever see/smell. But I won. And I will wear clean pants again!

Did I scare you away pretties?

You should be thankful I only post a few of my conspiracy theories on this here blog.

You can come back and read now. I promise this post is full of delightfully witty things my kids said.

Ready?

Sassafras held up a waffle in front of the Hamster's face and said, "THIS is a spider waffle, see its many many eyes?"
(she had bitten tiny holes all through it)

Sass, again. "I'm going to steamroller you, Pickles!"
Pickles: The only steam I see is coming from your posterior region. P-U!
(Have I mentioned Pickles is still 7? Did I mention our plethora of anatomy books we have laying around the house?)

the Hamster: Mom? An I hab dog-foo ice weam?
me: Dog-food ice cream?
the Hamster: yeah!
me: Sorry Dude, we're all out.

Bud: Mom, I'm having a really hard time scratching my ear with my foot.

me (exasperated): the Hamster, PLEASE use the potty! You are a big boy and you need to use the potty like Bud and Pickles, or I will make you use the bathroom outside, and sleep in the dogs' crates at night, eat dogfood. Is that what you want?
the Hamster: YES!

Does it sound as though our dogs are actually raising our kids instead of James and me? Will you see a story on our poor neglected Mowgli children on the evening news? Only if you turn me in!

Sass: When I grow up, I will let my kids wear whatever they want!
me: Whatever! I'm going to live with you and still pick your clothes out for you when you're 35.
Sass: How will I ever get away from you?

Pickles: Bud hit me again! On PURPOSE!
me: Why?
Pickles: Because I kicked him.

So there you go, no aliens, zombies, or gov't plots today! Tune in next week for another exciting adventure!

Newspeak and the Thought Police coming to a T.V. near you!

Can you say Nineteen Eighty-Four, boys and girls? Now that the president has control of a major network, tell me how the Socialist States of America will play this out. How long before they set a protocol for things you can say and things you can't say? How long before they set a protocol about things you can show and things you can't? I know this sounds like a fairly extreme conspiracy theory, but this kind of thing scares the hell out of me. This is not a news source anymore. ABC has become a propaganda machine.

Randumb

Did you ever wonder about the brain anatomy of a zombie? Maybe you remember how I feel about zombies. Maybe this guy has a thing about zombies like I have a thing about tornadoes. So he wrote a "scientific" paper detailing the brain of a zombie.

Dr. Weirdo (see above) briefly discussed, in his (I'm sure) peer-reviewed thesis, what zombies eat for dinner. I bet they don't sushi though. But if you do, you may be hosting a new friend. This article discusses how the rise in popularity in sushi has also given rise to the world's population of tapeworms.

Excuse me while I go dry heave.

OK, I'm back.

Now that you're sufficiently grossed out, how about a cool optical illusion.


that is all today kids...

I know I said I'd take a break from posting, but I wanted to share,
a few things that made my week more interesting...

Having to say, "Do NOT put the dog's tail into the fan!"

Hearing about how the other inmates saved cookies for a lady who's "paying off" her traffic fines with weekends in jail...from the pulpit during a fasting and testimony meeting.

Reading about this tiny microwave that plugs into a USB port on a computer. You know, in case you need a very small bag of popcorn while you're facebooking and you just can't pull yourself away.

Telling Pickles, more than once, that I had no idea if it would take longer for someone with a tan to die in the desert than it would take a really white person to die.

Having all my kids ride home in their undies after an accidental swimming lesson in a park pond.

Finding sandwich meat stuffed into an empty water bottle in the fridge.

Finding this video on boortz.com. I'm terrified of tornadoes, almost to the point of phobia. It's ridiculous really, I've never even been through one. But each Spring, I read stories, watch videos, and view pictures of the massive storms and generally scare myself stupid about it. Like it's tornado porn. So anyway, this video just feeds the fear. Also, I'm starting a therapy fund for myself.

Hearing one of the counselors in Primary say she must be smoking something because she messed up what she was saying. In front of the kids.

Taking the kids to see UP. It was really an excellent movie. I laughed throughout the movie because it was genuinely funny. There wasn't even any hidden innuendo to try to keep the adults entertained! I don't know about you, but I hate it when directors think they need to add some "hidden" sexual humor in a kids' movie to try to keep the adults happy. Congratulations Pixar! Another good one, so thanks. Also, I definitely recommend the 3-D version.

Watching Bud dance. Probably the best thing all week. He's insanely shy, so seeing him bounce around like a chicken perched on an electric fence was AWESOME!

Oh! The fun we had at the park today!

picture taken by Mama Howerton

4 grits warning

Well, this may be an opening for the restablishment of certain gospel laws. New Hampshire, one of those states that not a whole lot of people know anything about, has polygamy advocates up in arms after they passed a same-sex marriage law. The polygamists argue that if two guys/gals can get married, then why can't more than two people make a marriage. I realize that marriage in the temple is only between a man and a woman. But will gay marriage laws repave the path toward polygamy? It is a very interesting debate to think about.

I try not to think about the end of times too often. It's a heavy heavy topic. One that I'm not entirely comfortable with, actually.

So anyway, if you have any thoughts on this, feel free to comment. I promise not to attack you, unless you attack first. But any thoughtful interesting comments are welcome.

A little bloggy sampler, with a side of southwest ranch sauce

Weird News Wednesday
Do you like pigeons? Yeah, me neither, but these pictures are pretty cool.

Conversations with kids
Bud, (pretending to be a dad) "You are bad! Go to your room!"
Sassafras "You better be careful, or I'm calling Child Amusement!"

(We can work on the psychology of that conversation later...)

Politics
What the crap is going on with the big O saying it's perfectly OK for Iran to have nukes? You don't give mental patients big sharp knives to play with and hope nothing bad will happen.

Daily Life Updates
*We should close on the house by the end of the month. We are also very poor, and will qualify for some forgivable loan type programs to add to the down payment.
*My chemistry class starts Monday. Coincidentally, finals for the other school I'm attending also start Monday. Can we say stress, boys and girls?
*The B&B James whisked me away to was wonderful. If you live around here, and you need a relaxing place to go visit, ask me where it was.
*The kids get out of school Friday. Did I mention I won't be? These next two weeks should be, uh, interesting.

So I probably won't be posting too too much for a little while.

But I still love you.

Lemme give you a twopic.
Twalk amongst ya-selves.


*Why does the busiest airport in the world have chicken bones on the floor in Baggage Claim?

*Why does my 3.5 yr-old have no interest in potty-training unless it involves bribery? Perhaps I'm being played?

*Why would a old gross smoker ask me if any of us darlin's have a cigarette when it was me and 2 of my KIDS standing there?

*Why have my children been obsessed with the fattest-man-in-the-world?

*Why have I wanted to send them a postcard "from" the fattest-man-in-the-world (asking them to bring him more food and if they don't he'll eat them) as a joke?

*Who told my kindergartner that we live in the nostril of the state we live in? (If you know what state we live in, look, we live right at the nose)

*What in the world did the dog eat, because the hork on the carpet is unidentifiable? (just so you know, I cleaned it up BEFORE I blogged)

*Why did I just break my own I-don't-post-about-vomit rule?

*Why have I decided to up my school hours from 18 to virtually 30?

*When did the kids going to high school become closer in age to my daughter than to me?

*Why are there popcorn kernels all over the living room floor, when I don't buy popcorn?

*Why am I blogging about them instead of vacuuming them up?

*Why are you still reading this post?

Buh-bye!

I realize I'm being very stingy with my posting lately. Life has been flying past at a mile a minute and I haven't had much time to sit and whip you up a delicious pot o' Michelle. I don't have much time now either. awwwww, man.

I know.

The 30th is James' and my anniversery and he has "surprised" me with a weekend away. I give you "' with the surprise, because I always find out. The man has never surprised me with anything. Poor guy. He keeps trying though. And that's what counts.

So we're off to a B&B. Mama Howerton has graciously agreed to watch our kids for us. So before she can change her mind, I'm off to pack the kids up and send them to a super fun place where they get good snacks and there's a trampoline and better games and cupcakes to ice (in their words).

Thanks, Howertons, I can't tell you how much I need this. If you keep watching the kids for us, I'm going to end up owing you a month of babysitting!

Interesting...

There is a new airline that will start offering $9 tickets. They will serve mid-sized cities where larger airlines won't fly.

http://finance.yahoo.com/news/New-lowcost-airline-targets-apf-15348934.html?.v=5

So there ya go.