Saturday, January 03, 2009

Hey everybody!

Get plenty of sleep and drink lots of fluids, because I'll probably be keeping y'all up with all the blogs I'm gonna write in the next few days. Fair warning? Game on.

Let's start with today and go backwards from there. It will make it more interesting. I know it's hard to believe, but even I can get a little irritable after 2 weeks in GA for Christmas and then a funeral in PA for my beloved GrandDad.

So I woke up in PA after a whirlwind funeral slash mini family reunion. I spent the middle part of the day in Detroit on a layover. They had to go through my bag. And STEAL my lotion. It's body butter. I know I'm supposed to have everything in a quart bag. And I had everything else that was liquid in said quart size bag. But, they wanted my brand new shea butter anyway. I'm very suspicious looking in case you didn't realize. Kudos to the TSA in Detroit. They're busy saving the world. One white girl with lotion at a time.

I'm an expert packer. I got 2 suitcases worth into one duffel. It took me 30 minutes of luggage tetris to do it. So when Captain Baldy of TSA undid EVERYthing in my bag, I wasn't happy. I wasn't very nice about telling him I would repack it. I also really wanted to spit in my confiscated lotion too but I thought James and also my mom would appreciate it if I didn't get arrested at the airport. Moms ALWAYS appreciate you not getting arrested. Moms also appreciate it when you don't cuss at TSA guys, but you can't always get what you want.

I did get to eat lunch all by myself. And I was able to read a magazine front to back without being interrupted. That's some golden time when you have 4 kids. I bought a science mag. Cause I'm a geek like that. I couldn't justify spending $5 on a mag that wouldn't teach me something useful.

Like how I probably could build some type of explosive and get it on an airplane. OK, so the mag I bought didn't really have instructions for that. But it did get the science part of my brain working. Hopefully this doesn't red flag my blog in some kind of Big Brother database of mommy blogs that also discuss bomb making. It's not like I really know how to build a bomb. And I'm certainly not advocating bomb making, but it wouldn't really be that hard to get something past those brilliant TSA officials. (that was sarcasm - I don't really think they're brilliant)

I could fill a small shampoo bottle with explosive and wire my cell phone to set it off. I'd just have to call my shampoo and BOOM! Or you could even shape plastique to look like sticks of gum. Or two little bottles of chemicals disguised as hygiene products that release a noxious gas when mixed together. You know, I should divert my efforts into something more productive... There are so many ways I could daydream. It's pretty hard to think about not blowing things up when you have dry hands though.

5 comments:

M.Howerton said...

I LOVE your response!! Totally made me laugh!

I always thought working for the TSA was the ultimate promotion for walmert employees.
SNL did a hilarious sketch with Dane Cook about liquid training the TSA- totally worth watching!

I once packed the biggest bottle of baby powder possible into my checked in luggage and received a nice "random checked baggage notice" from the TSA. Um, yeah. random - whatever. I wonder if they thought it was a giant thing of gun powder wired to the package of diapers I packed next to it.
Geniuses!

Still Laughing!

Big Jay said...

Yeah screw the TSA. They're worthless.

Charlotte said...

They took my MIL's brand new bath and body lotion too. She mourned for it the whole time she was here. Of course, they always forget to leave home my FIL's pocket knife, too. I don't know how many TSA has taken from him.

ucmama said...

I always remember to take my knife out of my purse. I honestly didn't think they would consider the shea balm to be a lotion. Oh well, live and learn. And screw the TSA.

Becky said...

The hubby carries around a leatherman EVER DAY except Sunday. We have to take special care to take care it's not on his bod when we fly!
What a joke! That chick just needed some lotion!
And I'm sure she deserved the cuss that was thrown!!!
And stop talking about bombs! Just becuase you understand how to construct them, doesn't mean you should!!!!!!!