Thursday, January 15, 2009

Things you should know about real winter before you move to the Midwest:

1. Your nostrils will freeze if the high temp for the day stays sub zero.
2. Sometimes 2 or more pairs of gloves are necessary.
3. Sometimes 2 or more pairs of PANTS are necessary.
4. Sometimes it's warmer in the basement than the rest of the house.
5. If you're making a cake, and it needs to be cool to be iced 1.5 hrs. before a boyscout meeting, you can flash-cool it outside in 15 minutes or less.
6. Less gas, less brakes.
7. You're always told not to eat yellow snow. Don't eat blue de-iced snow either.
8. Don't touch de-icer with your very cold bare hands. It WILL give you a chemical burn that makes you cry and say bad words for at least 10 minutes.
9. I've already told you that you can put cardboard on your windshield if snow is predicted. Cardboard is also good for putting between your grill and your radiator. The grill in your car, not your personal grill.
10. Don't move here. There are warmer places. Live there instead.

6 comments:

NOBODY said...

You know I don't like things on mah grill!

10 made me el oh el. You're funny.

I also don't believe #8. At all.
You just don't say bad words.

Charlotte said...

My husband lived two years in Norway. He says if you suck your nostrils in and they stick it is 10 below. Just be glad your not out knocking on doors all day. He rarely feels cold anymore, because he KNOWS cold.

M.Howerton said...

I needed to see this before we moved here. But I didn't. So we moved here.

If you don't have to leave your house, it doesn't make your list seem so bad. Although they are all true and very helpful, even the cake cooling trick.

Olivia Meikle said...

Thanks for once again making me happy to be gone.

I mean . . . oh, crap, I mean, like, I miss you guys and all, but . . .

Crap.

Becky said...

Thanks for the tips, but it's too late for us! We are already here!

ucmama said...

Charlotte, my friend said the same thing about her mission to Finland.

Curly and H in IA, sorry you didn't get the memo before you moved here, but I'm glad you didn't get it!