Weird News Wednesday

Apparently, Cheerios are a drug. I always kind of thought they were like baby crack. Just trying going to church without them. Your baby will get the shakes, she will cry, she will act like she sees things that aren't there. She will have all the symptoms of withdrawal. Of course, that's how babies act most of the time, so it will be hard to tell, but you'll know...

Cheerios won't help men who have "man flu". Women really ARE the stronger sex. You didn't need me to tell that, though, did you? Studies (don't get me started on studies and stats) have shown that men are more susceptible to illness. So when they weally don't feeh gooood, they really DON'T feel good.

And because I like Cheerioes, and they make a nice segue, and it's my blog, we'll use them again. If you have a husband, (I'm talking to you Nobody) who will make a bowl of Cheerios and put it in the fridge as unfinished leftovers, then this story may give you pause to let him do that anymore. An office worker cleaning out a fridge full of nast released a cloud that made 28 people sick. This story makes me feel better about my own unplugged fridge full of moldy food. I'm just kidding. It's not unplugged.

You know what the weirdest part is? It's still Tuesday.

Warning: A highly gritty post

This is an article about a movement. A movement where black families decide to only buy products from black-owned businesses. It's slanted as a feel-good human interest story.

It actually really pisses me off.

Lemme 'splain.

What if I decided to only buy from white people? What if I called ahead to see who picked up the phone? What if I walked into a store, and asked to who the owner was, and then decided to only shop there if the owner's name "sounded white"?

What kind of reception do you think I would get? A nice news article discussing how I'm supporting other white people?

So it's a wonderful thing for a black family to only shop at black-owned businesses to show pride in their race, huh?

Bullshit.

It's another way to divide the nation.

If you want to build this country,
If you want to support your neighbors,
If you want to put money into the economy so we can stop this recession,

Then spend money in stores based on:
The principles they espouse,
How they present their business' mission statement,
and how they offer customer service.

That being vented said, I also think everyone should have the right to shop wherever they damn well please.

So now I'm off to buy Scout supplies from a white lady, get my dress hemmed by an Asian lady, and get a new phone from a black guy...

My mom:

loves traveling. I keep trying to convince her to be a travel scout.

loves musicals. She doesn't have to have music playing all the time like I do, but one of the best gifts for her is tickets to anything at the Fox in Atlanta.

loves her bling. If it's precious or semi-precious and set in gold, she's all over it.

loves her family. She will hop on a plane, as long as she has 2 hours notice to get through security, and go anywhere for anyone who needs her. And she has - often.

is very intelligent. Not only does she remember useless various trivia, she can figure out a tip before the bill flutters to the table. She's our go-to person for topics ranging from insurance, to fashion, to international relations, to etiquette.

hates the cold. She moved from PA to GA almost 40 years ago (am I in trouble for that?) and has never looked back. She refuses to visit us here in the Midwest before March, or after October. Unless we needed her, and then she's be here in about 4 hours.

I'll probably get in trouble for this one too, but, my mom has a dirty mind/mouth. She doesn't share it very often, and her filter between her brain and her mouth works much better than mine, but it's there. And it's quick.

is an amazing Grandmomma.

and many other things that will probably be blogged about at one point or another.

I love my mom. She's awesome. We share a sixth sense when it comes to phone calls. We are almost always holding the phone to call each other when the phone rings.

I know this post is kind of all over the place. I've been writing it for over an hour, because I've also been busy with being a mom to my kids.

So, as much as I'd like this post to be awe-inspiring and eloquent, just know that the sentiment is there, Mom, even if the intellect isn't.

Conversations, and I use the word extremely loosely, heard in the truck today within a 20-minute span.

Sassafras: You know, when you put energy and pickles together, it really stinks!
(for the record, she was not talking about her brother Pickles, although that would probably stink too)
me: wow, what does it smell like?
Sass: (said like REALLY I should already know what it smells like) like rotten pickles!

Pickles: This watermelon is really a secret super hero with light sabers.

Bud: Attention! Attention! add about 15 more attentions to get the full effect...
me: WHAT?
Bud: I just wanted some attention.

Pickles: I love to act, but dancing on stage would make me feel very anxious.

Sassafras: If I could pick this family over, I don't think I'd want so many boys in it.

All the while, Hamster is da-na-na-ing the theme to Star Wars at the top of his voice.



as I sat typing this, Hamster wandered in with dog slobber on his head.
gotta go...

So...

I'm nervous about taking more hours of school this summer. I'm already feeling melancholy for all the hours I won't get to play with my kids this summer. I will be sitting in a classroom, while they are playing outside with a nanny. Hopefully it won't screw them up too bad. If it does though, I'll be a doctor, so I'll be able to afford a really good psychologist for them.

I've decided to put up a flier at a local university in the education department to see if I can get an ed. major to be the nanny.

Here's the flier. I haven't put it up yet. I wanted to ask what y'all thought and get some feedback.

Wanted – Nanny

If you can keep 4, um, high-spirited children safe and happy…Ok, it’s not that they’re naughty, really. They just have a very creative perspective on authority. And they don’t literally climb the walls…usually. Oh, and there are two dogs. Well puppies really. Only one is a BIG puppy. And one is very small.

OK. So here’s the deal. My husband and I are both students. That means we never see each other. Somehow we ended up with 4 children. They don’t have school this summer, but we do. We need a nanny to make sure our kids don’t hurt anyone. If you think you can keep the police from being called to our house, and if you can keep the kids from eating only contraband chocolate, and if you can play MarioKart for hours on end, then you’re the one we want.

What: Nanny-ing

When: 7/14-8/21, from 7:30a.m.-1p.m. Mon-Thurs
and 7:30-10:30a.m. Fridays

Where: Our house

Why: for $150/wk

Who: Michelle ***-***-****

Fine Print: Must have references. Would prefer an Education Major with CPR training. Will begin interviews after Memorial Day. Apply at your own risk.

Did I leave anything out? Did I say anything I shouldn't have? Is it weird? Thanks (in advance) for the feedback. Y'all are awesome. Even y'all who don't comment. And just...you know...lurk.

Weird News Wednesday

This one is actually more of a Disturbing News Wednesday article. Unless you like sculptures made of human hair. Which I don't, just so you know.

What's up?

I haven't been around much. I've been rather busy.

I decided to go for the doctorate degree here at school, rather than just the technologist program. All y'all in GA don't need to worry though, because I will transfer to the school in ATL when James is done in about 2 yrs. I can start the program in November, after I finish 12 hrs of chemistry and 6 hrs of physics over the summer, along with 12 hrs of junior/senior level classes. Before you add them all up, I'll just tell you that will 30 credit hrs of classes in 5 months. That's actually less than James takes each trimester (4 mo.) here. I'm only taking 18 hrs right now, so that will add a bit more.

So, if this post is boring, it's just because my sense of humor is being slowly sucked from my brain as things like the entire lymph system is being shoved in. There's simply no room for funny in Anatomy and Physiology 2. Actually there is, but the professors prefer it if you don't make jokes about the cadavers in lab. Making references to forks and beef jerky are frowned upon when you're tracing the circulatory system in a dead body.

I also was out of town this past weekend. I went to Baltimore to a jewelry show with 3 of my moms (it's a southern thang), and 3 of my sisters. What? Michelle, I thought you only had 2 sisters? I do, one of those sisters is a soul sista. Here's something you may not realize about the South. Eventually everyone you know is related to you. By blood, or by 'adoption'. Your sisters-in-law become your sisters (unless you hate them, in that case, they remain your husband's sisters or your brother's wife), your nephews become your boys, or your close friends become your sisters/brothers, etc.

My kids have a Grandpa. He's actually my husband's sister's husband's father. Follow that? They also have Bubba (James' dad) and my dad (GrandDaddy), as well as various other dads who would claim me and James, and our kids as their grandkids.

I wonder if anyone has ever written a book trying to detail southern social customs... It would long I bet. And boring probably. Ok, never mind. How about you just keep reading this blog, and eventually I'll learn y'all a little sumpin sumpin.

See? I can't even keep a post running smoothly! I bet you were hoping to hear more about school, or the kids, or my trip to the East Coast to eat crabcakes, buy jewelry, see the ocean, and stay out till 2 in the morning wandering around, or something. Oh well!

a weekend haiku

Jewelry galore
Ate crabcakes, met a pimp, and
Miss y'all already

How to make grits.

For a friend...

First of all, I'll tell you what grits are.

GRITS are Girls Raised In The South

no, not really.

Grits are ground hominy. So they have a corn-mealy taste.

So Nobody asked what to cook with grits, and how to do it.

I told her it depended on what part of the country she was in. Charleston serves shrimp and grits. I'm from Atlanta, unless you're from GA, then I'm from Snellville. It's near Stone Mtn. We don't eat our grits with shrimp, but I have before. It is g0000-00000d! In Jaw-ja, we eat it as part of a full breakfast. Eggs, bacon, biscuits, hashbrowns, and grits, plus some fruit and juice, with plenty of butter and jam.

So buy some quick grits. The instant ones are OK, but if you want a full-on gritty experience, go for the quick ones.

A word of caution before you get started, NEVER make grits or bacon naked! Just take my word for it.

1. Boil as much water as you need for as many people will be eating, and make just a bit extra. If the 3 yr-old doesn't climb up after everyone else is done and eat the remaining grits with his hands, then there will be a little for the dogs. I use a stainless steel pot, so I fill it halfway with water.

2. Take the ridiculously small container of grits that they sell here in the Midwest, (apparently people don't buy bulk grits here) and add about a third of it. Using a whisk, keep that water going while you pour the grits in. You can always tell a Yankee from a true Southerner by their lumpy grits. Keep whisking it until it's a soupy consistency. Then switch over to a big spoon for stirrin'. You may want to use a smallish piece of tin foil to cover the pot to keep from getting gritty burns on your hands and arms.

3. When it gets close to being done, (you'll know because that's when the biscuits start to smell done too) turn off the burner. Let it sit a little while you clean off the table from last-night's dinner and set it for breakfast. Then add some butter, a little salt, white pepper if you're feeding pepperphobic kids or black pepper for grown-ups, and a few slices of cheese. Don't add these things while they're cooking. It has to be done after the grits are cooked thoroughly. Again, just trust me.

4. Make sure to let some water sit in your grits pot after you cook 'em and eat 'em. Unless you need some grit cement to patch some holes in the driveway. Patch quickly.

5. Should there be any leftovers, as blasphenous as that is, just throw them in yard at the dogs. This will provide after-breakfast entertainment.

I also have a confession to make. For a short while when I was about 11, I ate my grits with butter and sugar...

I know, I had to do the Tomahawk chop for 30 minutes for penance.

So that's howyadoit.

any questions?

Just a heads-up

There are two "confirmed" cases of swine flu in IA.

I actually am kind of concerned about things like this. It does worry me that a virus could disrupt normal life so much. possibly anyway.

What would I do if there were cases round these parts? Would I keep the kids home from school? Would I stay home from school? James' and my schooling is awfully expensive to just take a week or three off.

We have enough food to last several months. Enough fuel to cook it. Not enough water.

Enough sanity? I don't have enough sanity now...

So I will wait until the govt tells me what to do.

Yeah right!

I will make my kids' health a priority. If I feels like it gets to the point where the flu is a dangerous threat, I will do what I need to do to protect them. I'd rather deal with bureaucratic issues after the fact, than spend several weeks camped out next to a hospital bed with my sick kid. Or worse...

So stay safe everybody.

No licking doorknobs, shopping cart handles, or toilet seats.
No kissing pigs.
No eating garbage.
No rubbing used tissues in your eyes.
No wiping your nose with others' toothbrushes.

got it?

good.

short post

link to cool pics

you're welcome

various kid pics for the Grandmomma*


Pickles' Pinewood Derby car that he proudly made himself. I didn't even gouge my palm this time helping him carve it!


Little felt hearts I made for this lady. OK, this one isn't about the kids, but I'm still a kid at heart. Get it, get it, get it? Heart?



Hamster with mess on his face. It's is usual MO. This was pre-Eugene's demise.




Bud's birthday party last year. I know, it's a little late, but I don't think my mom has seen it. Instead of party favors, I made all the kids these tie-dye shirts. Because we had the party at a overpriced crazy fun obnoxious filthy pizza/play place, I thought if all the kids were dressed alike, it would be easier to keep an eye on them all. It worked, and the kids still love their shirts.





The boys at one of the best places in the world. My uncle's camp deep in the PA woods.

I may have posted this picture before, but it's too cute not to put up here again. This is post-Eugene.

making paper mache balloon easter eggs

Hamster, with his loot from the Bunny

*I like to spell it GrandMama, but since she picked it for her name, she gets to spell it how she wants!

Get your tin foil hat...

I lived in GA my entire life and I never heard of this. An American "Stone Henge" in northeastern GA. I will definitely have to go see this sometime. I even have a book called Weird Georgia, and I don't think it's in there. The book is packed, so I can't look it up right now. Mom? Ever heard of this?

Also, update on the Parks and Rec scholarship. They can't give me a break on what I've already signed up for. They can give me a credit for next time. There won't be a next time. I canceled Sass's and Pickles' acting class for the summer and asked for a refund.

Also, an update on the house we made an offer on. The bank accepted the offer and we're just waiting on some signatures. No word on a closing date yet.

Also, I ended several sentences with prepositions.

You'll have fun whether you like it or not!

Just a word to the people in WhereIlive town. Don't take classes through the Parks and Rec dept. It used to be great. They had a wonderful director who worked with you on fees, kept you updated about goings-on, and just is a great person in general.

That changed last summer. They brought in somebody new. I don't think they gave the old director much notice about. I've asked her, and although she's very diplomatic about it, I can hear a touch of bitterness in her voice.

I had Bud signed up for a kindergarten readiness camp just before school started last year. They changed the date. I had some miscommunication with the manager, who was also new, about the change. When I showed up with a very excited Bud, I was told we missed the class by a week. Sad is having to tell your little boy that he can't go to class.

Well, what about a refund? Nope, sorry. So I told them I thought that was really sucky of them to steal refuse to refund the $80 fee for a class little Bud didn't even take.

Let Manager Lady talk to her manager...Ok, we can give you back half.

Next session...

Surely, when I signed Sass, Bud, and Pickles up for dance and acting things would be better. They were not. Bud literally grabbed the doorframe and screamed at a register almost beyond human hearing to keep from being taken to his class. He's 5. They do that sometimes.

Did I get a refund? No. I asked about it past the 2 week deadline for asking. My bad. I guess I'll go sell plasma, or a kidney, to make up the difference.

I gave them one last chance. I signed James and Rowlf up for dog obedience class. James just won't heel or sit when I tell him to, and it's getting on my nerves. Sass and Pickles were signed up for acting. Can I have a scholarship form please? Have I ever been told they have scholarships in the 2.5 yrs we've been taking classes? HA! I had to find it hidden on their website.

I filled out the form.

I get a call back. What classes would I like assistance for? Did you read the form, Manager lady?

We are students. James is legally blind. We do without so the kids can have enrichment activities. we are below the lowest on income levels for a family our size.How about any and all classes you can give me assistance on. Thanks.

Oh, well, since you've already paid, that will have to be applied to the next time you sign up.

Seriously?

There won't be a next time if you can't apply it to this time.

Let me talk to the slick new sphincter muscle director, and we'll call you back.

So anyway, if you're still reading this...

Find classes through other departments. The museums here offer great programs. There are countless private organizations that offer good classes too. There are also many many free things going on all year long at the libraries and parks.

Stay away from the Parks and Rec Dept. Unless you like being treated like an idiot, giving them money you don't have for something they don't give you, or you just generally like being taken advantage of.

Weird News Wednesday

No theme today. Just weird stories. If you can find a theme in these stories, you win!

This one is about a guy who couldn't walk for 21 years. A spider bite sent him to the hospital. His leg spasmed while he was there. He walked out of the hospital. Somehow, the venom triggered his nerves. The last sentence in the story is kind of a downer though. And it doesn't make me want to kiss a spider in gratitude or anything. I will still smash them. I'm no Buddhist.

Would you trade lovin for some bacon? Chimps will trade "favors" for meat. Specifically, the females mate more often with males who share meat with them. I wonder if it has to be quality meat. Or if a slim-jim would work. I don't know about you, but I would be a high-class chimp. I wouldn't be giving it away for anything less than a filet mignon. Was that TMI?

Do you know what a Milky Way candy bar tastes like? Do you know what the Milky Way galaxy tastes like? Apparently it tastes like raspberries.

That's probably enough for this week.

Be good, watch out for deer, and y'all come back!

Out of the mouths of puppets

I teach kids at church. 4-5 yr. olds. Last Sunday, I taught a lesson on the Word of Wisdom. If you don't feel like clicking on the link, it's a scripture passage relating to ways to keep your body healthy. I helped the kids make paper bag puppets. I drew things all over the board. Vegetables, fruit, a bicycle, a cigarette, a bottle of alcohol, a glass of water...you get the idea. I would point to each thing, and the puppets opened their mouths or closed them according to whether the thing was healthy or not.

What's this?
AN APPLE!
Is it good for you?
YES!
and the puppets, and the children, (and I) would open our mouths really wide.

What's this?
A CUP OF COFFEE!
Is it good for you?
ONLY FOR MOMS AND DADS! (this from a little girl named Ella)
uh, ok, well, it's not really good for moms and dads either, but ok...
and everyone closed their mouths.

What's this?
WE DON'T KNOW!
OK, well, it's alcohol. It's no good for you. It's makes you unhealthy. You want to close your pupp-
OH NO!!! MY PUPPET JUST DRANK ALCOHOL!!!!
What? Uh, your puppet can repent later. Moving on...



As I was typing this, I look over and Hamster has a pair of scissors to Rowlf's (our dog) tail.

I love kids.

With apologies to Jeff Foxworthy...

I might be a Redneck because:

1. I've traded a truckful of firewood for 2 goats
2. I've written "Happy No More Probation Day" on a cake in icing (It wasn't for James, Mom)
3. I've taken an off-roading ride to try to get labor started
4. I've hunted snipes
5. I shot a rifle before I was 10
6. I was pregnant at the same time as my mother-in-law (which also might just mean I'm Mormon)
7. I'm related to someone named LuAnn (who also has 3 personalized license plates with her name on it)
8. I have killed fire ant piles with gasoline, many times
9. I have burned Christmas trees in the backyard, many times
10. I have swum naked in a creek, as an adult
11. I have used an M-60 (not the gun, the firework) to clear out a toilet
12. I've set up lawn chairs to watch possible tornadoes
13. I've camped outside without a tent
14. I've driven my truck across rivers
15. I've tubed down rivers several times
16. At times, I crave Waffle House
17. I used to hang out a house belonging to a guy called Hoss
18. I've eaten kudzu in several different dishes
19. I used to wake up to the sound of roosters every morning
20. I've tasted moonshine

You may have heard of a couple of these before, and there are probably many other things I've forgotten, but that's all y'all get today.

For the record, my mother is NOT a redneck. She would probably want me to clarify that.

Have you seen my missing blog post?

I posted one earlier today about snow bales in Idaho.

oh well...

For Sale

One sister for sale!
One sister for sale!
One crying and spying young sister for sale!
I'm really not kidding,
So who'll start the bidding?
Do I hear a dollar?
A nickel?
A penny?
Oh, isn't there, isn't there, isn't there any
One kid who will buy this old sister for sale,
This crying and spying young sister for sale?
-Shel Silverstein, Where the Sidewalk Ends


This poem kind of relates how Sassafras and I have been getting along lately. Who knew her teenage years would start the day she was born? She has always been a hand-ful, and sometimes two. Sometimes even an extra leg-ful, or whatever rope-I-can-grab-ful.

Sass used to wander away in a store, let's just say Walmart, and not look back. Before she was one. James or I would follow her at a safe distance and watch to see what she was doing. She would never turn around.

To say she is independent is an understatement.

She walked at 8 months. She stood up from the middle of the floor and took two steps.

She sang several songs before she was one. I'm not just using Mommy Memory, we have a recording of it.

She broke both of her arms, in two separate incidences, before she was 4 and a half. One required pins and left a 4 inch scar. I asked the Dr. if perhaps she had delicate bones. No, they're fine, says he, just don't let her climb to the top of the tree, or dance across the back of the couch, or jump off of the podium at church. Let her? LET her? Riiiiiiiiiiiggggggghhhhhhht.

She has continued to make our lives interesting. She practices piano daily, without being asked, now that she no longer takes lessons. Did she practice while taking lessons? HA! Only when we duct-taped her to the piano bench.

Sass is our only brown-eyed child. They're not just brown though. They're deep and intense and they actually twinkle when she's happy, and smolder when she's furious.

She coins her own words. Yestertime, Having a tiny-little good time, and Barefooting (verb), among others, have firmly secured themselves in our family vocabulary.

She can sing really well, but usually chooses to create feline-opera noises at the top of her voice instead.

Sassafras has also always been concerned with making sure that everyone is included. It may have something to do with me, but she probably came that way. As a tiny girl, she would bring portions of cake/cookie/candies home to her brothers from a party or play date that only she was invited to.

She read the entire Harry Potter series before she turned 9.

When I read over this post, I'm reminded what a good, sweet, funny, intelligent person she is. Maybe I should just write down or mentally list all the things that make her so great more often. Maybe I won't sell her.

Although, the next time she is pissing me off with her nasty attitude, feel free to make me an offer...

Pleasant Surprises

OK, the best surprise is that Eve is having a GIRL! YAAAAAAAAAAAAAYYYYYYYY!

The next couple of surprises are about the current president.

I don't feel like going into the terrible things about Obama's presidency right now, but I do want to highlight a couple things that I like.

A post had been simmering in my brain recently about the situation with the Somali pirates. I felt like the French had shown more gumption towards defending their people than we had. I thought we looked weak on the international stage if we couldn't (or wouldn't) rescue our countrymen. That changed when snipers took out 3 of the pirates as they raised a gun to the captain's back. Maybe France's response pushed Obama into a position where he couldn't try to talk to the pirates and he HAD to show some force, but either way, it ended in the best way possible. For us anyway. Good form, Mr. President.

In other news, Obama has opened some communications with Cuba. I think this is a good idea. The trade embargoes haven't been lifted, but families can now travel and talk to one another. I don't care if our govt differs on substantial issues with another country's govt, families should be together. I think this is a wonderful thing that has happened. Castro has done horrific things, and Obama should still take a stand against him politically, but allowing travel is a good thing.

The best news though, is that the Obamas got a dog! What? You don't care either?

So anyway, I didn't vote for Obama. I don't like a lot of his policies. I don't like how he's letting Pelosi run wild. I don't like how's he's handled the bailouts, or that there has been bailouts at all, but rather than be as vicious as possible about those things, I'm trying to be positive.

I probably won't be next time, so take it while you can get it............tomorrow may be a post about how Texas wants to be a sovereign body or how the pirates have taken 4 more ships in retaliation.

Hello loyal reader,

I haven't posted in awhile. It wasn't to punish you or anything. (Ok, maybe a little) I've just been swamped. My brain has been filled with anatomical terms and the process by which x-ray machines work, and less with what to post here.

So I need to get a few Easter pics up for all the relatives. Contrary to what my mom thinks, I do actually feed Bud. He's just our skinny baby, that's all. (There I go labeling...)

We had a really lovely Easter Sunday. The kids woke us up at 6:30AM. We sent them back to their rooms to read a book or somethingIdon'tcarewhatyoudorightnowbecauseit'stooearlyforgoodnesssake!

At 8AM, we finally relented, since we needed to get up and go to church anyway. The Easter Bunny brought new Spring jammies, new crocs, and a new book, with a little bit of candy. He also left a note, telling the kids to remember what Easter is really all about, and to obey their parents. What a wise, wise rodent that Easter Bunny is.

I got to take a nap after church. I would pay to be able to take naps. I love sleep. One of my favorite places in the world is my bed. I'm getting a little tired just writing this...

Then we went to a friend's house for Easter dinner. She made a raspberry/lemon cake with homemade butter cream icing covered in almonds. Normally, I'll take chocolate anything and leave the lemon alone, but this was amazing!

Then we came home, applied new bandaids to various boo-boos, put the kids to bed, and James and I watched a movie.

What a nice peaceful day.

Now I have to go study, since I chose to hold my kids weekend, rather than memorize the entire ciruclatory system of the body. But Tuesday comes too quickly...

We made colored eggs the other night. I'm trying to make the holiday last as long as possible. While theses pics aren't nearly the quality of Mama Howerton's, they'll do. Disregard the shirtless little boys, and be glad Sassafras didn't take her shirt off as well.

Hamster enjoying himself.

Pickles, making another pink egg, because 3 weren't enough.

Bud, using his fingers.

Pickles with one of his pink eggs.

Sass and her happy egg.

One Bad Kid

When I was about 6 or 7, I went to daycare. My mom and dad worked full-time. I would go to school in the morning and be picked up by the daycare van in the afternoon. My sister and I (the youngest one came later) would wait for our parents to come pick us up around 5. Unfortunately for everyone involved, most of the people working at the daycare center made minimum wage and had virtually no certification or training. We actually went to a nice little place, but that's just the way daycare centers are.

(They try to call them preschools now, but we ALL know...)

I was, let's just say precocious, as a child. I was sassy, too smart for my own good, and in trouble a lot. I got into fist-fights on a weekly basis.

There was a particular incidence at the daycare that I remember very clearly. Another kid and I were alone in the corner of one of the rooms, obviously not being watched very closely. We started to write down all of the bad words we knew. They weren't spelled very well. I remember spelling f*** without the "c". How I knew that word at 7 is beyond me. My parents cussed, but infrequently and never that word.

So the little boy, whose name was Joe-Lee (remember I grew up in GA, and everyone is related to, or knows, someone with a Lee added to the end) and I ended up with a pretty impressive list. It was all very funny and enlightening until one of the workers caught us. She asked us what we were doing. Uh...I don't have a list of cuss words under my fanny, No Ma'am! If we would show her the list, she promised, she'd never show it to anyone. We just had to stop doing it.

Well, of course if she promised...

She broke that promise. I don't know if my parents remember looking at it, but eventually all the adults in the center, including the owner had seen it.

This taught me a few things:
1. Not to trust adults. This not trusting adults/authority figures last through college until I was an adult.
2. Never leave a paper trail.
3. That I was a bad kid.

Now, I'm not sure if this was a defining incident for #3. There were a lot of things I did in my childhood that judging by the adults' reactions, made me think I was bad. I genuinely thought I was a horrible kid. Thinking that about myself made me even worse. But I was thinking about this in relation to my own kids. How do they view themselves? What labels have they given themselves? Have I given them any labels? I've tried to be conscious of this, but what little things have slipped through? Sass told me recently that I yell too much. This kind of shocked me, since it seems like James yells a lot more than I do. Maybe it's that I'm just with them a lot more often, so I have more of an opportunity. Either way, if my child thinks I yell at them too often, then I do.

So that's my goal this week: Less labeling, less yelling.

I found this coupon for Joann's here.

Use it this weekend to fulfill your crafting desires.

That is all.

'Cause I be bored, Matey, I be writing this whole post in the language of pirates, ARRRRR!

So oy be taken me kids to school t'day fer some brain-swabbing. We be gettin up fair early round these ports. They be a bit, might grouchy in the morn, an I ha' t'say I canna blame em, me hearty.

Me wee Hamster tole me he do not wanna get up ou' the snug-ly sheets. Yarr, I say to th' lad! Hoist your main sail and get a move on!

Do we be havin t' go t' the house o' learnin agin, Ma?, they do be pleadin! Aye, I say. There be power in th' booty of knowledge, ya lily-livered sprogs!

Then off me ownself true. To school I be goin to, for how else to be earnin th' fine dubloons when we be graduating?

After a sittin through many a long hour of land-lubbers a teachin, it be time to pirate me wee tiny mateys agin. I be pullin the Jolly Roger up to the port, an I do see the lil wench Sassafras a'ter Bud a'lookin to keel haul him! Shiver me timbers, I do be sayin!

He be a no good, dirty Scallywag!, she do declare. I be offerin em all the greatest grandest grog for snack an they be a quietin down.

We be havin a fine good peaceful eve here on th furner. I got pieces o eight in me bibs, I aint be makin no one walk th plank or be sendin them to Davy Jones locker, an I be a happy lass!

Thar be a grand good day in th life of a buccaneer lass, me hearty...

YO-HO-HO!

Weird News Wednesday (with a 5 grits warning)

I figured since I took the last couple Wednesdays off, I could fulfill your weird news needs today. You can thank me later. If you need any suggestions, I do need a new digital camera.

I get my news from various sources. I like to check a few different international news sites, as well as national and local. This story is a couple days old, so if you've heard about it already, oh well.

Honda has created a robot that is controlled by your thoughts.

I know!

Before your brain goes wild with the possibilities, let me tell you what the article suggested: A car that drives itself.

Big deal. Who cares about a car that can drive itself, when you can have a whole set of minions? I could think about doing laundry, and then my laundry robot would do it for me. I could think about making dinner, and my chef robot could do it.

I would never have to do any of those boring things, like read to my kids, or bathe them, or play outside with them. I could just lie around, thinking about doing all those things. It would be great!

That wasn't very sincere, was it?

You, I'm sure, dear reader, being the extremely astute person that you are, picked up on the sarcasm right away.

This type of technology is very exciting in it's design phases, but how will this make human life better? Will this mean that govts can create robot armies to wipe out other countries that don't have this technology? Because that's what most leaders think about when they have access to new technology. How to apply it to warfare. Brilliant! Let's make nano-robots that can infest an entire enemy's territory!

Or nano-robots, controlled by some geeks at the Pentagon, spying on all of us, Big Brother style?
*An apology to all my Pentagon-employed geek readers, I certainly don't mean you*

I hope this doesn't overload you with conspiracy theories too early in the morning, but that's just sort of where my brain is lately. Maybe it's the weather. It's kind of difficult to be cheery with ominous Midwestern clouds looming overhead. Will we get snow today? Or rain? Or tornadoes with flooding? I don't know!

Maybe we need some robots controlling the weather too...

I was going to title this post "Things that made my day weird". But then I realized that it's not necessarily the things that were weird (or any weirder than normal), but the overabundance of weirdness. It's Spring, and apparently weird was in bloom today.

Today I had to:

tell Pickles that it's most definitely NOT ok to bring handcuffs to church.

try to explain to my kids why incest was necessary for Adam and Eve's children.

explain patiently that James that playing water balloons with the kids in 40 degree weather with snow on the ground was a bad idea.

explain (not so) patiently to James to stop trying to talk to me while standing next to the computer with a water balloon in his hand.

clean Parmesan cheese out of my bra.

clean blue chalk off a child's face 5 times.

figure out what to take to my x-ray lab tomorrow.

play "What's that smell?" in the truck.

wash my hands like an OCD sufferer on crack after finding what that smell was.


How was your day? Any weirder than normal?

Were you good? Or if you weren't, did you at least avoid getting caught?

OK, then. I'll share some more of the amazing pics Mama Howerton took last Saturday.

I'm putting up the ones she changed to B&W, and then a few of all of them together.

My very cool friend watched our kids the other day when James and I went to the temple. She's very good at photography, especially with children. *Thank you, thank you, thank you!* These are just a few of the pics she took. If you're really good, maybe, just maybe, I'll post some more later.

This one is of Sassafras. It's not one of the prettier ones, but it's so natural. I can't believe Mama Howerton got such a relaxed one of Sass when she knew she was being photographed.

Here's a posed one. Check out those freckles!

Mr. Pickles...

Pickles and his friend Chan. Pickles looks slightly psycho.

Sweet Bud

You can click on this one to see his freckles - they match Sass's!

Hamster smiling - his usual expression :)

Hamster and Eugene - HA!

Goings On
James and I went to the Nauvoo temple today. I forgot it was a tourist destination because it is the temple we're supposed to go to. This means I also forgot that you have to reserve a spot for the sessions. My friend, Mama Howerton, watched the kiddos so James and could go together. Normally we drive down with all of them, and then trade off. So we rarely get to go through together. It was beautiful. The weather was perfect. The temple is amazing.It had been far too long since James and I had been to the temple, so it was very much needed.

*******************************
We still don't know where we need to live.

*******************************
Bud yells bizarre things at inappropriate times. Example: I have heard several times in the last few days "I'm a professional!" coming from the bathroom, his bedroom, and the back of the truck.

******************************
I accidentally cut Hamster's hair off. I cut the older boys' hair this morning. Hamster was last. I trimmed the back. I turned him around to do the front. He ducked, I gapped him. BAD! He had a reverse mohawk through his sweet little curls. I almost cried. He won't look at himself in the mirror. He's nearly unrecognizable. James and I named his hair, Eugene. We would joke that Eugene had such a big personality, that we had to feed it special food, and that we had to make sure not to make it angry. Weird, I know, but funny. Trust me. Well, Eugene is no more. RIP Eugene, RIP...

******************************
Pickles had his Pinewood Derby last week. Last year, he was out in the first race. Needless to say, he cried. That's one of Pickles' super powers - the ability to cry in any given situation. So we had a pep talk about not crying. Even if he was the first one out. He wasn't the first one out this year, but he didn't win anything. He cried. We went out for ice cream. What else can you do? He also had his acting showcase. He played the prince. He kind of had to, since he was the only boy in a class with 8 girls.

******************************
Sassafras is still obnoxious. But we love her anyway. Poor thing has a lot do deal with by being the oldest kid of two oldest kids. We've started a fund so she can get some really good therapy later.

******************************
The kids start their Spring Break this week. Unfortunately, I don't have a break. So they are going to stay with this cool lady and her kids during the days. I promised them we would have an awesome mom/kid day on Friday (when I don't have class) if they would behave during the week. Behaving means not telling each other to shut up, stupid. Or use various materials to build weapons of small amounts of destruction.

******************************

I was sitting in my truck at Walmart last night on the phone.

I was sitting in my truck because I can't shop and talk at the same time.

So I was sitting in my truck and I feel a bump. Some one had backed into me while I was in my truck! I jumped out as they were about to race off. They saw me and got out too.

Now, I drive a Suburban. I would have to be smashed between 2 semis for my truck to get a dent, but still.

me: What are you doing?
Stupid Dude: Huh? Oh sorry.
me: Watch what you're doing!
Stupid Dude: I said sorry. It was an accident.
me: Well, you can't just go around hitting other people's cars!
Stupid Dude: I didn't mess up your car, I just tapped you.
me: Yes, but it's MY car! Be careful!
Stupid Dude: OK, sorry.
me: Whatever.

OK, so this sort of highlights how I talk to strangers. But only strangers who do stupid things. I leave most strangers alone.

This was at the "nice" Walmart too. Usually I shop at the Simpsons Walmart. That's what I call it because all the shoppers there look like Simpsons characters. Think Moe, or Cletus the Slack-jawed Yokel. Yeah, I shop there too, but I'm more like the pretty celebrity doing a cameo.

They're renovating the nice Walmart, although honestly I don't know how they could improve it. It's already everything I could ask for in a shopping experience.

I went shopping late last night. I do this to avoid shopping with children. I wait until they're in bed, then I take "me" time to go buy Pull-ups and cereal. Actually, I did have kind of a nice time by myself, minus the Stupid Dude tapping my bumper. I got to talk to my sista-friend Eve, and then I went to Nobody's to talk politics with J hang out for an hour or so. So I actually did get to have some grown-up conversation. You'd think I'd be able to have grown-up conversations at school. You'd think that, but you'd be wrong.

I'm taking a philosophy class. It's a philosophy class based on the degree that I'm getting. It's sort of anti-Western medicine philosophy. So I sat through an hour of brainwashing philosophy yesterday. The professor blah-blahed on about how terrible MD's are and how backwards allopathic medicine is. Finally I'd had enough. I raised my hand and said that I thought what he was saying was all well and good, but if I cut my arm off, I'm going to the hospital. I also told him that 99% of people who go into Medicine are in it to help people. They truly want to help people be healthy. He listened politely and changed the subject.

I don't think my philosophy prof will invite me out for drinks anytime soon.

I was reading over the last few posts I wrote. Whatever, that is SO not narcissistic. Just because I made my own blog my home page...

So anyway, I sound pretty stinkin whiny. It's about to put me off my own blog. Since I can't take myself off my sidebar (don't look, it's not REALLY there), I figured I better post one that's a little more upbeat.

I took the kids to the St. Patrick's Day parade last Saturday. Sass ran in the 1-mile race beforehand. She didn't win, but since running with a bunch of other sweaty people is kind of its own reward, she didn't mind. She did get a t-shirt, so that was kind of cool. The parade is a bi-state parade. It starts in one state, crosses the bridge, and ends in our state. Pretty cool. We saw gorillas riding bicycles, big hairy guys with boobs and wigs(I had fun explaining that one later), different clans, green dogs. That was at Walmart where we stopped for snacks before the parade. At the parade...

I didn't take a camera, since I need a new one (ha!), but the friend we met down at the parade, took her camera. I actually think Mama Howerton has had her camera surgically attached to her arm, a la Edward Scissorhands. But as soon as she sends me copies of the pics she took, (hint, hint) I'll post them.

It was good to get out in the sunshine Saturday. Of course, since it got above freezing, everyone was out and about.

I'm really looking forward to warmer weather. It'll be exciting to get into a new place once we're done packing and moving. I'm not nearly as sick as I was. I think Spring is the cure for what I've got. Plus a new camera of course...

C'mon Spring. We're ready!

I hate moving.

• Herb jars/Kitchen
• Mothering books/Living Room
• Cleaning/Bathroom - under counter

I hate packing up the things that support my daily life into labeled boxes.

I'd like to be able to say that I'm not attached to my things, but I am.

It's really hard to be going to school full time, move a household of 6, buy a house, keep a Suburban running, try to be a bridesmaid from 850 miles away, be sick - did I remember everything?

oh yeah,

Try to be a good mother and wife too. So if I don't email, text, call you back anytime soon, it's not cause I don't love you, it's because I can't fit another thing in.

I feel really sick right now, and it's not the chest cold I've got...

I'm still sick. I went to the doctor and she told me the best thing for me is a camera.

I skipped school today. I got up to take the kids to their schools and came back to bed. I slept until 1PM. It was great. But not enough to cure me. I'll probably try to sleep more tomorrow.

Since trying to come up with a good post is as easy for me right now as trying to run through jello would be, I'll just share a few kidling conversations we've had lately.

me: Stop trying to ride the dog!
Hamster: Buh, he WIKES it!

*****************************
Bud: There's that graveyard you take us to sometimes, Mom.
me: Sure is.
Bud: I like going there for picnics, to take walks, to color on the tombstones...
(for the record, we do rubbings, we do NOT color the headstones)
me: Yeah, it's nice.
Bud: When can we go there again?
me: When it's warm out again.
Bud: When can we dig up one of the graves?
me: (fully becoming aware of the convo rather than half-listening) WHAT!?!?!?
Bud: I want to dig up a grave.
me: What? WHY?
Bud: You know, to see a body.
me: Yeah, you know Bud, we're not going to do that. When we go, it's important to be respectful of the people who died. We don't dig up bodies, Dude.
Bud: (quietly) awwww, man

*****************************
Pickles: There's a kid at school whose eyebrows make a point over the middle of his nose.
me: That's called a unibrow. U-N-I-B-R-O-W. 'uni' means one.
Pickles: OK, so anyway, this kid with the eyebrows called me a wiener dog.
me: Oh yeah? What did you say?
Pickles: I thought it was funny and I also think wiener dogs are cute.
me: Did you say that you thought wiener dogs are cute?
Pickles: No, I just thought it.
me: You probably shouldn't go around saying things are cute so much at school.

*****************************
This is normally where I would put a funny story about Sassafras. Lately, however, the things she's been saying have been a lot more obnoxious than funny. Oh well, I guess she doesn't get to be famous this week.

Weird News Wednesday
This little gal had her leg mangled when she stepped on a land mine. Now she can walk again! It's cool that they could help the elephant, but it also highlights the tragedies that befall innocent victims of land mines.

Whoa!

That was me falling off my soap box. With a head cold, my balance is a little off.



How'd you like to wake up to a kangaroo in bed with you? I bet the 'roo that jumped in bed with this Aussie couple wasn't nearly as cute as Hippety Hopper.



And you thought magnets were just for the fridge!
No! They're for making sure the cows are aligned. What? You didn't realize they needed an alignment?
Google Earth, besides spying on you, also takes pictures of cows. mmmm-hm, yep.

I'm sick. A new camera would probably help me feel better.

I can't stop coughing. It's a dry barking cough that makes my chest/head/throat/hair/toenails/bellybutton hurt.

I started classes again today. 18 hours, including A&P II, X-Ray Tech, Radiographic Anatomy, and others. It should be interesting.

You know what else is interesting? That I thought 12 hours of classes was hard when I was 18 with no husband, job, or children. Now I would love to only take 12 hours at a time. But I'd also like to finish this degree.

One cool thing about X-Ray Tech is that the final project is to make an art project using x-rays. I'll have to think about what I'd like to do with this. It should be fun.

Now I have to go scoop my brains up off the floor where I just coughed them out.

This video is for my mom

OK, Youtube took it down because it's copyrighted. Go here instead.

http://www.popcrunch.com/justin-timberlake-jessica-biel-snl-skit-video-030709/

Well, crap.

So anyway, it was a hilarious SNL skit that NBC is being greedy about. I know, I know. Intellectual property and all.

Justin Timberlake was Irving, Cathy's boyfriend from the comic strip. Irving talks about how sexy Cathy is under her acrylic sweater and 4 layers of sweaty support hose. And how he wouldn't look twice if Jessica Rabbit walked by. And then Jessica Biel walks out dressed like Mrs. Rabbit. It's much funnier than my description. Hopefully NBC will let the people have what they want soon.

I need a new camera.

My birthday is in June.

ahem...

No new news on the finding a new place to live issue. We're thinking about buying a house that needs some cosmetic work done (NOT structural) and just fixing it up. I have another year before I finish my latest degree, so I'll have at least half a year following to finish prettifying a house.
So if you know of a house that:

• doesn't cost too much
• doesn't need a ridiculous amount of work done to it
• is in a neighborhood that doesn't require bullet-proof glass and/or bars in the windows
• isn't in a neighborhood where "pretty" girls hang out on street corners

let me know, k?

Free Arby's Sandwich (and because 3 posts in less than 24 hours is special)

go to arbys.com

click on More Stuff tab at the top (in the middle)

on the bottom right of this page click on Let The Madness Begin

this opens up the Facebook page (I know you can probably approach this easier than this)

1/2 way down on the right click on Get a Free Roastburger

this opens up the coupon, you can print as many as you want, one coupon per person

ENJOY!

Just a heads-up for anyone who may have a child who enjoys Dora the Explorer.

Dora's getting a makeover.

She'll be getting longer hair, a shorter skirt, and ballet flats. Possibly because she's not sexy enough?!?

I can't tell you how tired I am of the sexualization of our children.

I thought about posting yesterday. I had a good one brewing in my head about the relationship between government policy becoming softer on drugs while simultaneously becoming more powerful and controlling in other areas. I wanted to examine how Americans are quite happy with giving up their freedoms as long as they have their opiate, so to speak. I may still do that one soon.

But yesterday I came home to a for sale sign in the yard. I called our landlord, asking what the hell was up with that. He sort of chuckled and said the realtor wasn't supposed to put up the signs until we'd been told. Bad form, jerk, bad form.

Because we didn't sell our house in GA until a year ago, we couldn't buy a house here when we moved 3 years ago. So we've been renting. Well, we couldn't buy last year either, because for 2 years, we haven't had a significant source of income due to both James and I being students. So at this point, we have a few options, and none of them sound very appealing. We can buy a house, but it has to be in a crappy neighborhood and/or cost just a few K, OR go back to a teeny apartment only suitable for hobbits, OR move 20 miles out of town, OR hide and cry. Posting on my blog wasn't really an option yesterday.

What do y'all think? Any ideas?

On a lighter note, I think a sense of humor can be somewhat genetic. Situations that strike a person as funny stimulate the brain a certain way, releasing dopamine, and other feel-good enzymes, in a particular quantity or in a particular area. Since DNA contains the "blueprint" for a person's brain structure, then it stands to reason that a kid would come hardwired similarly to their parents. And then nurture comes into play later. Pickles used to constantly ask if things were funny. "Is that so funny, Mama? Is that so funny?"

What made me take note of this was Hamster tonight. In our bad parent moments, we let Hamster stay up past his bedtime. He's very much a night owl (thanks, Mom) and sometimes we get tired of fighting it. So we're watching Monty Python and the Holy Grail for the 253rd time. Hamster, in his three-year old glory, burst out laughing as King Arthur came on the screen riding an invisible horse and his page clapped coconut shells together. "No horse, Mom! There's no horse!"

This one is for MelonHead and Curly

I was looking up different types of aprons to make for y'all. I'm going to get or make a pattern, but I want to know what design style appeals most to ya. I know MealonHead likes the retro look. What are you looking for Curly?

Here's what I found:
A really cute heart apron.

Obviously I wouldn't rip off this gal's style, but it definitely gives me some ideas. And y'all should go check out her other aprons/gloves/etc. They are GREAT!











This site has some awesome ones too.


She has a lot, but I especially like the full ones. And obviously I wouldn't rip off her style either. I don't know about y'all, but when I bake or cook, I make a mess EVERYwhere! I've cleaned batter off the ceiling before.












There are also some half aprons I really like too. I found one with a cupcake on the front, and one made with bordered panels.

I want to make it clear that the sites I browsed sell their own products. I wouldn't want someone checking out my stuff and then stealing the ideas that I developed. I was simply looking to be inspired, and I was!

So, ladies,
Full?
Half?
Retro?
Contemporary?
Ruffles?
No ruffles?
Color requests?
Pockets?
LOTS of pockets?

Let me know!

Weird News Wednesday - Outerspace Edition

I've always had a fascination with outerspace. One of my favorite possessions when I was a wee thing was my revolving star chart. I could spin that little guy around to whatever date it happened to be and be able to point out what constellations were shining down from the heavens. I still like to know what's going on up there. So that's what this week's weird news is about. Enjoy!

Did you know that an asteroid came uncomfortably close to Earth Monday? Well Smartypants, I didn't. Apparently it was similar in size to one that exploded over Siberia in 1908 with the force of 1000 nuclear bombs. I know! That's huge! I'm glad it missed. There are so many humans all over the globe now. It's hard for me to imagine in my cushy American home, typing on my laptop, all the human suffering that would have caused. Actually, it's hard for me to imagine all the atrocities that happen on a daily basis across the world. That's another post though, this is just weird news.

Tonight we have a waxing half moon. I love the terms waxing and waning. They make me think of druids or wiccans, or some other nature-based religion having a gathering and paying homage to the lunar body. I've been to a few nighttime gatherings/drum circles like this. They were very peaceful experiences. I didn't feel like I was honoring the moon as a deity, although I'm sure a few people attending probably did, but it was a nice time to pay homage to Heavenly Father and His creations under the light that rules the night. The full moon is on the 10th. The name of this particular full moon is The Full Worm Moon. This is because the ground is soft enough for the worms, who invite the robins. It's also known as the the the Full Crow Moon, and the Full Sap Moon. And when you gaze upon her full face, look just above and you'll see Saturn.

Mars won't really be visible right now since Jupiter is too close (visually) and outshines Mars, but if you have binoculars, you may be able to find it. Binouclars won't work for the next bit of news, and you probably don't have a telescope strong enough to see the river beds/gullies on Mars, but if you did, you may be able to see signs of recent water flow! OK, so recent may mean 1.25 million years ago, but it's still much more recent than researchers previously thought water ran on Mars.

That's all you get today!

You know what I love? Besides those fun fabrics down there in the last post, I mean. I love mangoes. I could eat 2 or 3 mangoes at once. But it has been 9 years since I've eaten one. Guess why.

I'll give you a minute...

Give up?

Because I have an extreme sensitivity to them. Not necessarily the fruit, as my extremely scientific research, i.e. internet searches, has discovered, but merely the skin of the fruit.

Apparently the skin of mangoes is filled with oils that are chemically similar to poison ivy. Yeah. Mangoes are part of the poison sumac family. So peeling 2 mangoes with my teeth and eating them whole 6 hours before my cousin's wedding was a BAD, BAD idea. It's not pretty to have a swollen itchy face/lips/eyes at a wedding.

The fruit by itself is supposedly OK. It's just the skin. So I WILL be buying a mango at the store the next time I go. I just will have James peel it for me.

I'll keep you updated about my reaction, or hopefully lack of.

I love this,

http://www.fabric.com/quilting-fabric-just-arrived-quilting-fabric-currier-ives-sailing-currier-ives-sailing-maps-blue.aspx








And this,


http://www.fabric.com/quilting-fabric-just-arrived-quilting-fabric-kawaii-asian-kawaii-asian-photos-spring.aspx













And this,

http://www.fabric.com/quilting-fabric-just-arrived-quilting-fabric-cat-s-secret-garden-cat-s-secret-garden-wavy-stripe-blue-yellow.aspx














And this,

http://www.fabric.com/quilting-fabric-just-arrived-quilting-fabric-cosmo-chic-cosmo-chic-paisley-citrine.aspx














And this.

http://www.fabric.com/quilting-fabric-just-arrived-quilting-fabric-natural-effects-natural-effects-wavy-stripes-blue-green.aspx










And so many other new fabrics at fabric.com, but I can't post everything I love, because I have to go work on Sassafras's new quilt. She's completely outgrown her old one.